Desperate for another baby. Why can’t I let go?

[Laurabub84]

Before I write please don’t judge me with negative posts. Already feeling in a really bad place.

I turn 38 this year. I’m mum to 5 precious children already who I absolutely adore. My 4 eldest are girls and my youngest was our first boy. Now after having him I was convinced I’d feel complete as a family as he was very much longed for after 4 daughters. Once he turned 6 months the brooding kicked in again and now it’s completely taken over my life. It’s there from the second I wake in the morning to when I eventually manage to fall asleep at night. Dh has just turned 42 and feels he’s now too old to have another baby. I’ve felt so down for months and months now over this and I’m so desperate for one more that I don’t see how I can possibly just make my peace that I can’t have another. I just can’t do it. I’m breaking down most days now, I dread going to bed because my mind won’t shut off from it and once I am asleep by morning I just don’t even want to get out of bed. I know everyone’s thoughts will be that I have 5 healthy children already and that I should just focus and be be grateful for what I do have. I am. I know how lucky I am to have what I already have but it doesn’t mean I can just turn this off. I know dh is getting frustrated with me now. It’s been affecting our sex life because I can’t enjoy it. He chooses to pull out because we’ve never got on with condoms and I obviously don’t want to be on birth control. This is something that makes me feel so frustrated because he’s absolutely adamant that he won’t change his mind about having a baby but then he’s willing to take the risk of pulling out. He thinks I’m depressed and wants me to go to see the doctor for help.
I guess I’m just hoping for some advice from anyone who’s been in the same place. How did you get over it and move on. I have nobody I can talk to in person because I know they will all judge me and not understand. I just feel so alone I don’t know where to turn because I can’t carry on like this

 

[MrsKatie]

Hi beautiful first of all I have 5 and all I can think of is baby 6. There’s no shame and everyone here who’s worth listening to will understand. Huge hugs and I hope you and your DH can get on the same page. I’m a week away from 40 myself and DH is 41 in a month. I get it

 

[salamander91]

Hi hun. Absolutely no judgement here I have 3 children but I have been trying desperately for a 4th for nearly 3 years now. Its had a huge impact on my mental health and my family life but I just can't get the idea of a 4th out of my mind. It does sound like its really affecting you so maybe a word with your gp maybe a good idea especially if your husband isn't going to change his mind. I think he is being very inconsiderate of your feelings when he is risking a pregnancy every month.

 

[Laurabub84]

Thank you both for taking time to reply. Feel a little silly posting that now. Just feeling so down and frustrated, even more so that I’m now entering my fertile time in my cycle. It’s so frustrating when all I want so badly is a baby and knowing there’s nothing I can do about it. Just need somewhere to vent when I can’t talk to anybody about this.

 

[swedengirl]

Not quite there yet and hoping I don’t get there. But currently pregnant with number 3 and seriously mourning thst this will likely be my last pregnancy. My OH wants to get the snip after this one and is certain this is the last one. I’m trying to be grateful to have these 3 (all going well with this little one) but feel such sadness this is the last time. I cry almost daily. I’m hoping a feeling of completeness comes once they are here but feel like maybe I’ll never feel that, I love being pregnant (after week 15ish) and love newborns so feel I’ll always crave that. But also want to have the energy and mental space to give my kids already some of me. It’s so tough!

 

[Bevziibubble]