Developmental delays

[WW1]

Hi all. I hope you don't mind me popping in to ask for some experiences / advice.

My LO has craniosynostosis (prematurely fused skull) and they have said there is the possibility of developmental delays.

She is now 6 months and I'm finding that I'm spending so much time "comparing" her to babies of a similar age that it's driving me mad! I do think she has some issues as she isn't as vociferous at grabbing for things etc. as her playmates but that could be just her personality!

For those of you who have children with developmental delay, did you find it hard not to "compare" them and what did you do to overcome this?

My LO is unique and I feel stupid for comparing - I just don't seem to be able to stop myself and it's getting me down. If she does have some developmental issues then of course I'll do everything I can to ensure she gets all the support she needs. I'm just feeling a bit down at the moment and would be grateful for any experiences you have had.

I hope I've not upset or offended anyone with this thread - my LO is my world and I just want the best for her

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

DD1 had special needs. I didnt really compare her to others, it was more of a " what did i do that shes behind"

 

[Lottie86]

Findlay has severe developmental delays due to his chromosome abnormality (he is 15 months but developmentally around 4 months) and I do try not to compare him to other babies but there are times when you just can't help it. I think it is only natural.

Have any developmental delays become apparent yet? Have you had an appt with a development consultant to assess her development?

 

[WW1]

Findlay has severe developmental delays due to his chromosome abnormality (he is 15 months but developmentally around 4 months) and I do try not to compare him to other babies but there are times when you just can't help it. I think it is only natural.

Have any developmental delays become apparent yet? Have you had an appt with a development consultant to assess her development?

Thank you for replying. We've had an initial assessment with a clinical psychologist (which is standard procedure before the surgery). We're waiting on results so it's really just me comparing her to other babies the same age. She doesn't seem to be reaching and grabbing etc. like the other babies (she's just not as interactive if you know what I mean). Of course it may be that she has a laid back personality and I'm reading way too much into things as I know there are delays linked to the condition but I don't seem to be able to stop myself.

 

[mumto5]

i think its only natural to compare, i compare my own children with each other etc. My son was born with Torticollis which can lead to developmental delays. He was still unable to sit unaided at 18 months old. He has alot of delays now and i do compare him even tho he is unique and i would never change him for anything but i just think its natural hun xxx

 

[velvetina]

Hello lovely,

Your daughter looks a cutie!!! You are not alone in your feelings and they are totally natural, I do know just what you mean. DD is my 3rd (she is same age as your dd) and just like ds2 I watch every move of her development and have days where I obsess and days when I don't.

My eldest is autistic and ds2 has some social difficulties with his peers and adults he doesn't know. Now whilst dd is very sociable (as a 6month old can be) she isn't very vocal and seems to always have a cough or cold. Whereas ds2 was very vocal and never stopped talking!!!

I was thinking how nice it would just be to enjoy her and not have entered the world of the "not knowing" I seem to have spent such a long time there, but I remind myself how lucky I am that she is here at all (that's another story)!! The not knowing is horrible, it's like you would rather know so you can deal with it and move forward, but obviously their development has parameters that don't allow to know instantly. I have found depending on what you read and where that the developmental milestones can vary quite a bit, and have found it true that when concentrating on learning one new skill the learned ones can be put on hold until they are ready to move on again.

I now find it best to voice my fears and speak to health professionals (which is just what you have done) helps, it's when I worry and obsess privately it starts to get me down. Are there any support groups you can join to speak to parents in a similar situation?

x

 

[WW1]

Thank you all for your lovely responses - it does make me feel better to know I'm not alone in comparing, even though I don't want to!

Velvetina - I don't know of any support groups locally but will probably look more closely into it once DD has had her operation and we are more settled again. She's due to have her op in September and we've got a developmental assessment at the end of October with our paediatrician so will hopefully get some more answers then (as much as there are ever answers of course!)

Until then, I'm just trying to enjoy her for who she is - at the end of the day I wouldn't change her for the world, and as you said Velvetina, I'm also in the position where I'm eternally grateful she's here at all (for a while there it was looking like we weren't going to be able to have children at all...)

to you all.

 

[velvetina]

Let us know how it all goes hun and take care x

 

[JASMAK]

I try not to compare my daughter to other little girl's her age (5) but it is nearly impossible, espesially if I do see a difference (and as she gets older, I see more). It is only natural. I get really kind of bummed about it too, as much as I try not to be. People always tell me that I shouldn't compare, but that is nearly impossible. But, at the same time, you will have your own milestones etc. My daughter wasn't potty trained during the day until 4 years old (she still wears diapers to bed) and I was super excited, because that was a big milestone for her. But, no one really shares that excitement with me...because most just think, "she's still in diapers???". Despite my daughter being developmentally delayed (mostly in speech) she is thriving, is above her age in other things, and has friends...and being happy is THE most important thing.

 

[Adanma]

It's natural to compare. That's what kind of triggers us to seek advice if we think something is different. It's a good thing to be observant when it comes to our kids. Do I compare? yes. Do I feel guilty? yes. But in the end I know it's because I'm a good mom that I'm concerned enough to compare. Let us know how it all goes. It's hard to have a child in surgery. I'll be thinking of you guys.

Adanma

 

[WW1]

It's natural to compare. That's what kind of triggers us to seek advice if we think something is different. It's a good thing to be observant when it comes to our kids. Do I compare? yes. Do I feel guilty? yes. But in the end I know it's because I'm a good mom that I'm concerned enough to compare. Let us know how it all goes. It's hard to have a child in surgery. I'll be thinking of you guys.

Adanma

Thank you so much

 

[DanielleM]

Ah I can totally understand with this thread, when my son was born my cousin who I am very close to had a baby around the same time (only 6 weeks difference) and it wasn't just me that was comparing the two babies it was the whole family as we didnt find out my son Evan has cerbral palsy until he was around 10 months old!! Even after Evan was diagnosed the family were still comparing the two babies, it was hell and also as I was personally trying to come to terms with the fact that my son was disabled, looking back at the time I am not sure how I wasn't sitting in the corner of the room rocking backwards and forwards!!! But now after coming to terms with my sons disability I dont compare anymore to the extent where I used to. I think back then it was a case of not knowing what he would/wouldn't do as he was so young and now he is six he can talk, learn (he attends mainstream school) the only difference is the fact that he uses a walking frame and a wheelchair but he has such determination and the funniest personality people look past the physical disabilty and see Evan for who he is; a funny and intelligent little boy who is loved by many!! I agree with the others that it is only natural to compare!!

 

[WW1]

Thank you DanielleMitch. It's fab that your little boy is doing so well.

 

[Adanma]

you're welcome! Both of my boys had surgery before they were 2 and it was very very hard as a mom to get through that so... I'm here if you need an ear or a shoulder!

Adanma

 

[xxHollaxx88]

I dont know if this is the same or not, but my LO has been in hosp for all his life, hes about ten and a half months old now and he isnt crawling yet, x

 

[Adanma]

Holla: sometimes with a chronic illness and hospitalisation the milestones are delayed just as a function of where the child is and what the schedule is like and the fact that the body is trying to just maintain. I don't know the specifics of his problem, but I would imagine with him spending his whole life hospitalised he doesn't get much of a chance to do what other babies are doing. He's adorable by the way. Look at those cheeks!

Adanma

 

[xxHollaxx88]

thanks adanma x

 

[angelstardust]

I have a confession.

I had no idea that DS2 was delayed. He was diagnosed at 8 months as having brain damage and his consultant listed out all these things he couldn't do. Sit up, roll over, stand with support, grab etc etc etc.

I say I had no idea, but I think I just didn't look, I was just so happy he was actually alive (I had an abruption at 33 weeks) I put it all down to him being premature.

Think I was much happier in my ignorance than I was when I had to look out for things!