DH and his gender disappointment...

[theamanda]

Long story short, DH wanted a little girl SO bad. He already has a girl and a boy from a previous relationship. He originally didn't want anymore children aftee them, but when he met me, he changed his mind. I wanted a baby so bad, and have for 3 years. We decided we were ready after we got married and concieved immediately in Nov. We were excited, more me though because this is my first (and only) baby.I didn't care if it was a boy or girl, i was just so excited. But he wanted another "daddies girl"... He is convinced that his little boy he has now is wayy too much of a hand full, so he wanted desperately for his last to be another girl... And after a while, I wanted nothing more than for him to be happy about our baby and to bond with it the way a father should. So of course, it made me want a girl. Really bad. More so, i was scared of him getting disappointed and losing interest in the bundle that WE created... Well, on our gender scan, we found out we're having a little boy. At first I couldnt stop smiling, because thats how i get at all my scans, smiley and speechless lol... And then I sat up and wiped the gel off my belly and reality sank in. DH was disappointed and went quiet... I teared up and my heart ripped in half... Suddenly i was ridden with disappointment and guilt. That lasted for a week, and then it went away enough for me to cope. DH had stopped asking me about the baby. Stopped asking me how i felt. Everything. Now, at 25 weeks, he is STILL showing signs of disappointment, and doesnt ask about me or baby. Just changes subject when i talk about baby. We haven't even looked at baby clothes together.. My little boy doesnt have anything yet. Its not fair...

Im so terrified that DH isnt even going to support me during labor. I want him to fall in love with and hold our son the same way that other babies get... When we got pregnant, he even wanted to go as far as delivering our "girl" on the D day, but now that we are having a boy, i feel like Id be lucky if hed even cut the cord... And if he plays with his phone while im having contractions the way he does at our appointments now, I will be telling him to get out of the room!
This is all so scary, especially since he said he wants this to be between me, him, and the doctors. No other family in the delivery room. I really feel like that day will come and he will be the only person I have to depend on, and he wont be "there emotionally" to depend on. Does that make sense?

He is showing signs that he will make a bonding effort with our son, by being extra sweet with his son he already has, i can tell because when he does, he looks at me as if he "hopes I saw that".. Kinda like a doggie wanting a biscuit... Lmao.

Has any other ladies experienced something like this before? How did your DH act in the delivery room? Im not asking for someone to "reassure me" so to speak, I want the good, the bad, and even the ugly. Lol

Thanks for reading girls, im falling apart over here...

 

[Misscalais]

Congrats on your little boy!
I'm sure he will get over it after he holds bubby in his arms.
My hubby wanted girls with both pregnancies ( but we have two boys ) and he's fine got over it right away and he loves his two boys with all his heart, we are ttc a girl and realllllllly hoping for a girl this time.
Remind hubby that he has a daddies girl and all that matters is a healthy babe.
Don't let him make you feel guilty, after all the male is the one that determines the sex!

 

[maybebaby3]

it's not your fault! Technically it's his as its the sperm that provides the x or Y chromosome for the sex I'm sure he will love his little boy to pieces once he's born and congrats on your bundle

 

[LandN]

This sounds just like my situation apart from partner wanted a boy and we have been told girl, I am happy with either but because I knew oh desperately wanted a boy I was hoping it was for him more than anything! And I think deep down we both did actually think boy. Had the scan yesterday and oh seamed fine till the point the sonographer said Girl and I was like "oh another girl! Lovely!" But I could feel the tension from oh after scan, in the waiting room oh was quiet and moody and started getting snappy! I felt angry that he reacted that way because it was ruining the moment not only for himself but for me, and he should have put his disappointment a side until we were on our own. His feelings have rubbed off on me and I now feel disappointment myself, it doesn't help that he has lost interest, like he doesn't seam that bothered anymore.

So I know how you feel, I'm sure they will come round when holding the baby for the first time. But il be watching this thread.

And congrats on your boy!

 

[pinklightbulb]

My brother wanted a boy (he has a girl already) and got a second daughter on the way. He is getting over it at 25 weeks, and when he saw his first girl (wanted a boy) it didn't matter to him once she was here. It may pass soon or when your boy is born but I'm gonna bet he'll forget he ever felt that way when your son is here