DH cant be in the delivery room :(

[faith2015]

This is one thing that I am worried and stressed about is hubby has a serious hospital and doctor phobia to the point where he passes out at any given moment.

To give you an idea on how it all happened, at the beginning of our relationship, I had a scare and had to have a biopsy done on tissue in my breast. Well after my doctor appointment I called him to let him know that I did have to do a biopsy and i scheduled it for the following week. He told me he had to get off the phone and he called me right back. Well an hour goes by and I finally get a call and it was the police stating my hubby blacked out behind the wheel and totaled his car and he was on his way to the hospital.

So its been about 2 years now, and he has seen multiple therapists and all they can say is he has severe panic disorder . Every doctor appointment he has attacks and he has to take anxiety pills for this and he is still sweating, leaving the room, shaking, and playing on his phone to try and keep his mind off of things.

My DD was breech so my OB told me I have a high risk of another c section. So my hubby has already told my mom that she is the one that has to be with me during that surgery because there will be no way he would be able to make it.

If I am able to VBAC then my hubby has already prepared me to get use to just my mom because he will be either A. blacked out B. in the waiting room C. in a hospital bed getting treated for an attack.

My MIL has already stated that she wants to be there, but little does she know I dont want her there!!!! I do not want her in the room AT ALL.

I JUST WANT MY HUBBY AND I I am so heartbroken and lost because I have no clue what I am going to do with my DD or my hubby

 

[sg0720]

Awww I'm so sorry to hear this that must be hard to have such a phobia what if he is outside the door I know it's not the same as him being in the room but he's close or what if he has his eyes closed the whole time I know that might seem silly but at least he will be in there with you

 

[ElmaWG]

That sounds really tough. I think you need to find a good doula to have with you. Won't be the same as DH, but you will have support. And you need to tell your MIL (or really make DH do it) that you're not comfortable with her in the room with you. Which I totally understand. No chance ever I would let my MIL in the room with me during labor.

 

[NDH]

Would he manage to watch through a screen if he wasn't in there? For example on Skype/face time from the waiting room with a device near you so you can talk to him?
I would also suggest looking into the possibility of a homebirth if midwives in your area are allowed to attend VBACs? Statistically VBACs are more likely to be successful at home than in hospital and since it sounds like his issue is with hospitals not with birth, he should be OK on a non-clinical home setting. Or maybe a birth center would be a possibility too, though they might be less likely to be able to take VBAC clients than a midwife.

Is this new since your DD was born or was it an issue then too? (Or maybe he's not her dad)

 

[faith2015]

I think its medical, doctors, pain, blood, needles anything. I think if he was to see behind a screen he wouldn't do so well. Now facetime, maybe that is an option we could try! Maybe it would amp him up enough to be able to sneak in and help me!

DH and MIL are really close and he said its going to be hard to have that conversation with her, but he said its my choice, and he will back me up with what I want! I guess I have to love him for giving me this space. I am sure he will have the convo with my MIL. its just very awkward at the moment when she keeps talking about it and in the back of my mind I already know its not going to happen.

I mean I am only 24 weeks, so we have time, but deep down I want him to talk to her now!!!! I guess we cant win them all right!

NDH - no my 1st isn't his, well technically isn't his

 

[NDH]

Ya that's the kind of screen I meant, not like a curtain. I watched a koala autopsy once when I volunteered at a koala hospital and the vet asked me to record it. Watching through the videocamera screen I was totally fine, but when I watched it "live" I was so grossed out and bordered on a panic attack so went back to watching through the screen and was fine. Well mostly fine the blood smell was a bit much, but otherwise I guess it was more like watching something on TV than being there for real.
Anyway maybe that would work for him and he'd be there for emotional support at least if not for physical. And he could watch DD from wherever he is too which would also maybe help take his mind off things if it gets too much even on the screen? And I second getting a doula too. Or at least a close friend or something. I wouldn't be comfortable with my MIL either - but I don't even have my mom at my births tbh.

 

[jessmke]

I was also going to suggest having him be there on an iPhone or iPad or something that he can Skype or FaceTime with. You can keep the screen pointed at you so he doesn't have to see the doctors or the hospital room, and then you can still be together and he can encourage and help you through the delivery.

You are much nicer to your MIL than I am! She didn't even ask me, she just told me that she was going to be at the hospital. I said that we were not having anyone at the hospital, and that they are welcome to come and meet the baby once we call and let them know we are ready for visitors. She straight out told me that she was going to be at the hospital whether I like it or not, so I straight out told her that we won't be telling her when I go into labour. If she doesn't know the baby is coming, she won't be able to come to the hospital. I felt like a b*tch, but this is not her baby, so she has no say.

 

[faith2015]

He told me that facetime is an option!!! I think that we figured it all out. Him and my DD will just wait in the waiting room along with his parents, unless DD has school, and I will have my mom and my best friend in the the delivery room with me.

Whats the worst that can happen? I end up with one person or no one in the room with me? At this point we have to try everything and I am just more concerned for my oldest at this point!

My OB did move my due date to December 31st! So She should be on Christmas break so this is a huge reliever also!!

 

[MindUtopia]

Have him look into doing hypnotherapy or cognitive behavioral therapy to deal with his phobia. My friend's husband had exactly this. Like, literally when he pass out just sitting in the doctor's waiting room with her. I think they tried hypnotherapy. In the end, it worked and she had a lovely birth with just him there to support her.

 

[Misscalais]

Can you ask your mil to look after DD?
I wouldn't have made it through my labours with out DH, i wanted no one else other then him, not my mum or anyone.
Must be pretty tough having to deal with that.