DH is unhappy but I can't figure out why...

[MiuMiow]

I just cannot shake the feeling that DH is unhappy, that something is weighing on him or getting him down but I cannot figure out what it could be. I've asked him straight out a couple of times but always get the 'I àm happy' response and yet I don't buy it.
Now I have my bouts of depression but generally am - at home - a chatter and quite smiley. However I do react to him a lot so if I thìnk he's not happy it makes me miserable. Which may be what makes him miserable. Or it may be something else. Maybe he's just lousy at showing happy emotion? Or is my pregnant brain feeding me an idea about how a 'happy person' should be and does he just not fit it? I try to go over it in my mind but I always end up with a knot in my stomach that he doesn't love me anymore, is only staying for the baby and is genuinly miserable. I'm always trying to figure out which answer to give to make him happiest, from dinner plans to stuff to do etc and I end up choking on guilt because it doesn't seem to be working.
But he says he's fine.

 

[blinkybaby]

Aww this is a tough situation hun, hugs to you.

I know that my OH also goes through bouts of melancholy for seemingly no reason and I find it difficult too. I just can't get through to him one way or another, it's like he just doesn't want to talk about what's bothering him.

He does always seem to come through it though - usually if I just leave him alone and continue to be my usual cheerful and happy self. If he senses that I'm trying to make a massive effort to pull him round, it makes him worse.

I think a lot of men are like this in that when something is bothering them, instead of talking and getting it out in the open like us women like to do, they retreat into their 'cave' so that they can sort out their feelings on their own, and he'll come back from that place when he's ready.

How long has he been like this?

I recommend reading 'men are from mars, women are from venus' as it shed a lot of light on situations like this for me - it's cheesy yes, but the reason I think it is so popular is because there is some truth to it!

Hope it sorts itself out soon. xxx

 

[RockyMtnMama]

This is a very emotional time and we all react differently. Perhaps he's deep in thought a lot and this is how he's been processing things. He may not realize you're concerned about his silence. He may not know how you're interpreting it. Does he have any baby books? They have been helpful for my husband, because his put things into guy speak. There are daddy-to-be classes for men out here too at our hospital. Something like that may help him to express himself in a different environment?

 

[memes12]

I'm sure everything is fine. Just as we get emotional, men go through ups and downs as well. Having a child is a huge life changing responsibility.

 

[PixieBelle]

Men go through a whole series of emotions along with us when we're pregnant. I admire your want to try and do things to make him happy but this in itself can be quite depressing. Where is what you want in this? Take time for yourself and what you want too. I know nothing makes my OH happier than seeing me doing things I love to do and sharing those experiences with me.
I lived with a man I changed everything for and it killed our relationship. Yes, when you're with someone it is about compromise and doing things to make each other happy but never lose yourself in that.
I'm sure he's fine, just try and relax a little about it. You're sharing a wonderful experience right now. Keep your focus there.
The book recommended, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, definately read it. For me it helped in that I've never really understood people in general so it clarified some of the things I do but also what men do and why.

 

[mrs_park]

Pregnancy is tough on men too. They may not talk about it as much as we do, but they have lots of concerns and worries too. I know when my OH goes quiet he is stressing and worrying about money. Hope you can talk things out hun xx