DH wants to know gender this time, I still don't

[mh_ccl]

DH went along with my wishes and we did not find out gender for our daughter. Now that I'm pregnant again, he says he really wants to know with this one. I still do not want to know. He says he could find out and keep it secret, but I am not certain he'd be able to. I'm also pretty certain that he would start telling other people, and eventually it would get back to me.

Is anyone else in the same boat?

 

[tallybee]

That's difficult, I don't know how that could be resolved. Why is he so desperate to know? Xx

 

[xLaura]

I'm in the same boat. First time I didn't want to know at first but everyone talked me into it - and tbh I really wanted a boy so I found out.

I always said next time I wouldn't find out, now I'm pregnant i don't want to know, but oh really wants to know, so that we can get stuff sorted. Tbf we are swapping my sons room and one wall is blue, so obviously if it's a girl it will need changing. But I don't think it matters if it's not done straight away as baby will be in out room for the first few months so plenty of time to paint the one wall.

He wants to know and keep it a secret but surely I'm going to realise if he ends up painting the wall purple or if he leaves it blue.

I don't think we're going to come to an agreement which means one of us isn't going to get what we want, but at the end of the day I say to him I'm carrying the baby so really it should be down to my decision.

 

[BabyJayne]

My DH would quite like to find out the sex, but I don't want to. I didn't last time and loved the moment I found out when she was born. I want that again. For me there is no real benefit in preparing as baby us in with you at first so doesn't need a room painted in whatever colour, and people buy you so many outfits when they are born that you always end up with loads. DH is okay with it - basically when he pushes a human out of his bum, he can have final say haha!

 

[maryanne1987]

I really wanted to stay team yellow this pregnancy but oh has been desperate to find out. He did go along with my decision though and didn't make a fuss although I could tell how disappointed he was. I changed my mind though and booked a private scan for 16 weeks for us to find out. I suprised him with it last week and he was so happy. My way of thinking is I get to feel the kicks, have that special bond with baby for 9 months and it must be difficult for men to sometimes get that bond before baby is born. If it's that important to him then I really don't mind. He's good to me, spent hours holding back my hair when my HG was at its worst, sponged my head down while I was sleeping when I've had night sweats, even did a two am run to tescos when I randomly fancied strawberries. I don't mind doing this for him.

 

[Mississippi03]

I think marriage is about compromise? If you got your wish last time, give him his this time and vice versa.
This whole 'he can have a say when he carries a baby' is garbage. Did he get a choice? Its hard enough to bond when you are carrying it, let alone being the parent who isnt.

 

[itsme122]

Would it really be so terrible so find out this time around for him? I mean, sure it may not be what you want, but it sounds like he compromised with you on the last one so you could get what you wanted. I think it would be an incredibly kind and loving gesture to go along with his wishes on it this time around. JMO.

 

[ellahopesky]

i agree with pp, maybe a compromise is the best option seeing as you had your way last time, let him have his this time? hope you resolve it, we are still undecided too x

 

[Eleanor ace]

We were team yellow with our 1st and when we were planning our 2nd DH wanted to find out the gender, I didn't. I thought about it and figured it was only fair to compromise so I agreed we could find out, but when we actually got pregnant he changed his mind! If I was you I'd probably talk to him and reiterate how important it is to you to have that surprise and say that he can find out, but can he really really try not to spoil the surprise for you. You could come up with a nickname for LO and get used to both referring to LO as that so he's less likely to say he or she when talking about LO, and ask that he doesn't tell anyone else so that they don't ruin the surprise for you.

 

[2have4kids]

I agree with the pp's, if you got your way with the last pregnancy why can't he have this decision this pregnancy? Just because women carry the baby doesn't mean you'd be with child without him. It's a 50/50 venture, the best marriages are made of compromises.

 

[spunky84]

If you got what was important to you last time, then he should get what's important to him this time. Marriage is a compromise and this is his child too. Just because you're the one pushing out the baby doesn't mean he has no say.

Yes, it's important to you, but what about what's important to him? When carrying the baby, we get to bond in a very much different way. Our husbands/partners have to find a different way of bonding. If it's important to him, then go with it. He may change his mind down the road and decide not to, but just because something is important to you, doesn't mean what our partners want isn't important too.

I'm not trying to be mean, but how would you feel if it were the other way around and your husband got everything that was important to him, but what was important to you didn't mean anything? I think it would make me feel like crap because I would feel like I'm not important if the things that are important to me don't matter to someone important in my life. Just food for thought.

 

[MacNYellow]

We were team yellow last time because I didn't want to know even though my husband would have preferred to know. He went with it. This time around he wants to know again so I figure if I got my way last time he can get his way this time. So we'll do a fun gender reveal party to make it exciting 😊

 

[nmpjcp2015]

I think marriage is about compromise? If you got your wish last time, give him his this time and vice versa.
This whole 'he can have a say when he carries a baby' is garbage. Did he get a choice? Its hard enough to bond when you are carrying it, let alone being the parent who isnt.

i agree with pp, maybe a compromise is the best option seeing as you had your way last time, let him have his this time? hope you resolve it, we are still undecided too x

^^^^^ What they said. And also I'm with Mississippi. It's unfair to use the physical aspects of creating a child as a bargaining tool. It's not his fault that's the way the biology of it all works. We all knew wait we were doing when we starting TTC.

Hopefully he can keep the secret. How about he finds out, but does tell anyone or make any obvious changes in preparation for a specific gender?