DH won't have sex with me :(

[hapi2bhealthy]

Ugh. The last time we had sex? WHEN BABY WAS CONCEIVED.

He's never had a high sex drive anyway, and during first tri I was so sick I couldn't go near anything, but I've been feeling better for a while now and he says he's "too scared"! He refuses to even entertain the idea. I may be going without sex for a year now, coz we all know I'm not going to be up for sex right after baby is born...

I've tried everything except sending him to a sex therapist. It's getting ridiculous, I need sex! It's part of a healthy relationship! All he sees me as now is not a sexy girl but a wife and mother of his child. Madonna complex! I don't even have that big of a belly yet...

 

[gretavon]

Can you show him on the internet that not only is it safe it's actually benificial for you and the baby? It releases hormones that are good for baby's environment. Unless your dr gave you instructions not to sex is perfectly safe and hey now you don't have to worry about getting knocked up.

 

[oh_so_blessed]

Join the club. At least I used to get it a couple times a week... now he won't entertain the idea, just like yours. And there is no negotiating with him, he's simply not going to do it. I'm sorry I can't help.

 

[hapi2bhealthy]

He actually KNOWS it's totally safe...he just can't get his head around it! Grrr. We had a struggle getting to two times a week before I was pregnant (HIM not me, I'd do it 5 days a week!) and now it's ruined.

At least I'm not alone...

 

[oh_so_blessed]

He actually KNOWS it's totally safe...he just can't get his head around it! Grrr. We had a struggle getting to two times a week before I was pregnant (HIM not me, I'd do it 5 days a week!) and now it's ruined.

At least I'm not alone...

Yep, mine, too. We were in a position that was uncomfortable for me at about, idk, 12 weeks, and I told him during sex. That was the last time we had sex. Even though I have told him it's safe, and told him the midwife would tell him, he claims he's not having sex at least in the 2nd tri, that he'll do it in the 3rd when the baby is already "done"... but I'm sure that I'm not getting any until sometime next year. Would sure help to have some makeup sex sometime soon...

 

[gretavon]

ummmmm...what about a little *whispers* friend? Of the battery operated nature...

 

[hapi2bhealthy]

He actually KNOWS it's totally safe...he just can't get his head around it! Grrr. We had a struggle getting to two times a week before I was pregnant (HIM not me, I'd do it 5 days a week!) and now it's ruined.

At least I'm not alone...

Yep, mine, too. We were in a position that was uncomfortable for me at about, idk, 12 weeks, and I told him during sex. That was the last time we had sex. Even though I have told him it's safe, and told him the midwife would tell him, he claims he's not having sex at least in the 2nd tri, that he'll do it in the 3rd when the baby is already "done"... but I'm sure that I'm not getting any until sometime next year. Would sure help to have some makeup sex sometime soon...

guess we'll both be double clicking our mouse for a while then

 

[hapi2bhealthy]

ummmmm...what about a little *whispers* friend? Of the battery operated nature...

You mean my best friend these days...?

Still, I miss the closeness a little, even though we're very cuddly. Sigh.

 

[gretavon]

Yes I agree. They are good for when you're in a bind but it doesn't compare to a man. Don't tell anyone I have one. If you do I'll call you a dirty liar!

 

[Buzzymomma]

My husband and I only had sex 8 times between conception and 20 weeks because he was so scared. Those 8 times we did have sex is was because I basically hopped on

Once we got to the half way point he calmed down a bit... But my sex drive disappeared about 2-3 weeks ago, so I think we've only had sex 10 times.

Hopefully once you're a bit further along he won't be so scared!

 

[Meaggers]

We had sex a total of 3 well maybe 2 times this entire pregnancy and only once the entire month we conceived. It used to be maybe once a week but even then sometimes it was a hassle. Double clicking the mouse was all i had lol
Now I'm on pelvic rest, but he would tell me it was just too weird for him and he couldn't get around the thought that there was a baby between us during it. I also think the stress of an unplanned pregnancy got to him.

 

[mommybear1977]

I feel ya. I was on pelvic rest from 7 weeks until 21 weeks and now that I can have sex we can't do it because I have a partially prolapsed bladder (stage 2) which the baby is pushing on it which makes it almost impossible for us to have sex.

 

[Emerald87]

It's not DH, it's me in our case. I just can't do it - I have absolutely zero sex drive and am petrified of harming my cervix. We've had a couple of scares so that hasn't helped.
I do feel sorry for DH and I miss it greatly but thankfully sex isn't everything. He can become acquainted with Mrs. Palmer

 

[Hopefulk]

I'm so pleased this isn't just us!

We had two first tri losses last year so I asked GP about sex and age said "it's up to you. It shouldn't do any harm but would you blame yourself if you lost after having sex? If so avoid it until 12/13 weeks" so based on that, nausea & fatigue it's been pretty quiet in the bedroom dept!

I'm feeling better now though and I've dropped a few hints (as blatant as 'I feel better now - i'm ready to have sex again'. The responses? 'oh' or 'ok - good night' or 'we'll see'! All with a hug but no action!

So pleased he's affectionate in other ways or I'd be beyond distraught!

Grr!

 

[hapi2bhealthy]

Well it's good to hear I'm not alone in this at least! I 'spose it's not the end of the world, I mean we have a wonderful, loving, affectionate, supportive relationship otherwise, and I don't feel like his room-mate. But still, I'm hoping he comes around. Good luck to you girls as well!

I understand not doing it during first tri: I was too paranoid and sick, I would have always wondered if the sex had "killed" my bay even though I KNOW it wasn't...mommy guilt I guess...

 

[MrsEngland]

We're the other way round he wants it 24/7 and my sex drive has hit the floor not coz of baby I just don't feel like it, I try but I dunno it just doesn't do it for me

 

[TwilightAgain]

Will he compromise and do other things with you? So you can still have that intimacy

 

[Cat lady]

Its the other way around for us. I just dont feel sexy whilst being pregnant, I didnt with ds1 either. We have have sex about once every couple of weeks and thats enough for me. Dh would love it more, but he works shifts and it just doesnt work. But I know towards the end I will be telling him to hop on and get this baby out and that is when dh will disagree, he hated having sex when I was 41 weeks gone last time!!
xxx

 

[SarahDiener]

Yeah, my man has a low sex drive too We've done it 2-3 times since conception. He is stressed atm and he tends to not want to have sex when he is stressed... I think I'm more worried about the baby during sex, I just sometimes think about it "during" and then get totally turned off!! ahhh

 

[Cypress]

You're not alone! Our sex life has suffered (disappeared?) too. My OH is too scared of hurting the baby, of causing something to go wrong etc. We've had some bleeding scares, which haven't helped. I can count on one hand how many times we've had sex since conception!

But we have decided that we'll try positions that don't have deep penetration, so less risk of hitting the cervix (and bursting a blood vessel or something). Eg on our sides, me facing away - bit strange, but it's something!

Has your OH said exactly what it is that's making him reluctant? eg scared of hurting baby, finds it too weird with baby in there etc? If you can get to the actual reason, maybe there's a way to deal with it.

What about non-penetrative sex? oral sex and foreplay can provide intimacy and pleasure ... Good luck!