DH won't have sex with me :(

[Beankeeper]

We've had sex twice since being pregnant & it hurt a bit. I really haven't got much drive at the moment, I feel so anxious about something happening & I think I've put him off even trying. I feel guilty about it but I'm just too worried.

 

[Sarahcake]

Sex?! What is this thing of which you speak?!

Honestly, as close as we are as a couple, sex I rare in our household anyways. He just doesn't want it to be completely honest I've no idea how I conceived in the first place, it was the first time in 3 months we had had sex and it's not happened since then either

But that's just the way we are, there's more too it but it's not withheld from each other in a nasty relationship breaking way that's for sure

Now though I'm dying for some closeness, for something but he just isn't getting it looks like a sexless pregnancy for me!

 

[SusieQ30]

Same here and it's making me feel really unloved and unattractive

We haven't even talked properly about it, we both acknowledge that it hasn't happened for about 6 weeks. He tried to suggest it was me not making a move but I've told him plenty of times I need some action. I think he's really freaked out by the bump and it doesnt help that he's not particularly affectionate either. I feel like an incubator.

Basically having a really crappy time

 

[Sarahcake]

I have no advice for all of you ladies, I'd I did, I wouldn't be in the same boat lol I just wanted to give you all a massive hug xxx

 

[Aelanu]

If I wasn't getting it when I wanted it, I would just rape OH. Seriously. I've done it, too. He and I are about the same size (I'm half an inch taller and got 40 lbs on him) so I just take it. He does it too...but since I got preggo, it really HAS lessened. We used to go 3-5 times a week- if not more (mostly me...I have a very high sex drive) but after I got preggo....MAYBE once every 2-3 weeks? I know its nothing compared to some of you ladies...but like you, it makes me feel unwanted and unattractive. I even cried once and told him, "You think I'm ugly and you don't love me anymore and thats why we don't have sex!! WAAAAHHH!!!" He told me I was nuts and then proceeded to tell me it was because he didn't want to hurt me or make me sick. Blah blah blah. Save it for someone who believes it.


If I had an OH that, prior to conceiving, didn't want sex much...like how some of you ladies described...I probably would have ended it. While sex isn't everything, its very important to me. I couldn't go months and months without it- and I told OH that if he tries to pull that crap on me- I'd find someone else to give me what I want. The longest we've gone in our entire relationship is a month and a half and thats because I had to leave the state (his Mom's ex fiancee beat me and I needed to get as far away as possible while OH looked for a place to live for us). I know it sounds harsh that I would leave...but...sex really IS that important to me.

 

[Jennbear]

I think I may have forgotten what to do by the time we have sex again. OH is really not up for it, thinks its weird to do that when he seen the baby moving around in my tummy and tbh, I get what he means. Ive fancied it a few times but I'm happy to respect his decision because he's loving in so many other ways

He'll definitely be getting jumped as soon as my lady garden is up to it after though!!

 

[Sarahcake]

Our relationship holds its own without sex. He's a loving and sweet guy, I'd sooner have that then force him into sex every day. We have our reasons for why we don't often, but it's not the end of the world for us. There's way more important aspects to a relationship in my eyes.

 

[SusieQ30]

Same here and it's making me feel really unloved and unattractive

We haven't even talked properly about it, we both acknowledge that it hasn't happened for about 6 weeks. He tried to suggest it was me not making a move but I've told him plenty of times I need some action. I think he's really freaked out by the bump and it doesnt help that he's not particularly affectionate either. I feel like an incubator.

Basically having a really crappy time

 

[Emerald87]

Our relationship holds its own without sex. He's a loving and sweet guy, I'd sooner have that then force him into sex every day. We have our reasons for why we don't often, but it's not the end of the world for us. There's way more important aspects to a relationship in my eyes.

You're a wise lady. We're in exactly the same boat except he's the one that doesn't force me. There's WAY more to our relationship than sex, it's just the (currently) occasional icing on an otherwise amazing cake.

 

[hapi2bhealthy]

Our relationship holds its own without sex. He's a loving and sweet guy, I'd sooner have that then force him into sex every day. We have our reasons for why we don't often, but it's not the end of the world for us. There's way more important aspects to a relationship in my eyes.

You're a wise lady. We're in exactly the same boat except he's the one that doesn't force me. There's WAY more to our relationship than sex, it's just the (currently) occasional icing on an otherwise amazing cake.

This post makes me feel a lot better. I used to have a high sex drive but since being married to DH it's dropped a lot, mainly to be in sync with his (which is very low, wondering if there's a testosterone issue...?). But we have such an amazing supportive relationship, we are the absolute best of friends, complete love and trust and honesty, that most of the time, it doesn't bother me. I have ex's who I had INCREDIBLE sex with (some of my other threads talk about him!) but our relationship was, in the end, crap! I wouldn't trade what we have for that!

Plus, I *think* DH might be coming around to the idea I might even get lucky this evening hehe.

Thanks ladies- good to know I'm not alone, and thanks for putting some perspective into it too

PS: I LOVE MY GORGEOUS BABY SOOOOOO MUCH HEHEHEH

 

[charlie_lael]

At least he's there to pounce on! Lol. By the time my hubby's back we'll have a baby in the room. awkward..

 

[Emerald87]

At least he's there to pounce on! Lol. By the time my hubby's back we'll have a baby in the room. awkward..

Now the big question is... does he know? It might be a little awkward him coming home to a random baby sleeping in your bedroom...

 

[charlie_lael]

Lol! He knows. He just left for deployment.

 

[Emerald87]

Lol! He knows. He just left for deployment.

That couldn't be easy PM if you need some company

 

[Sarahcake]

Our relationship holds its own without sex. He's a loving and sweet guy, I'd sooner have that then force him into sex every day. We have our reasons for why we don't often, but it's not the end of the world for us. There's way more important aspects to a relationship in my eyes.

You're a wise lady. We're in exactly the same boat except he's the one that doesn't force me. There's WAY more to our relationship than sex, it's just the (currently) occasional icing on an otherwise amazing cake.

I couldn't have put it better myself!

I must admit, I do get frustrated sometimes by the lack of naughty stuffs but then, as cheesy as it sounds, I just look at his big smile, his gorgeous eyes and I think yeah...I'd take 3 lifetimes of no sex to have this guy in my life.

I guess someone's companionship and their personality mean more to me than half hour under the sheets a few times a day

And blargh.... When did I become so soppy?! I blame pregnancy hormones.

Don't tell my OH I said all this, his ego will inflate to dangerous levels!

 

[pinklightbulb]

I had the opposite problem, my OH wouldn't go away! But I can see how it would be frustrating hun

 

[Beankeeper]

Our relationship holds its own without sex. He's a loving and sweet guy, I'd sooner have that then force him into sex every day. We have our reasons for why we don't often, but it's not the end of the world for us. There's way more important aspects to a relationship in my eyes.

You're a wise lady. We're in exactly the same boat except he's the one that doesn't force me. There's WAY more to our relationship than sex, it's just the (currently) occasional icing on an otherwise amazing cake.

I couldn't have put it better myself!

I must admit, I do get frustrated sometimes by the lack of naughty stuffs but then, as cheesy as it sounds, I just look at his big smile, his gorgeous eyes and I think yeah...I'd take 3 lifetimes of no sex to have this guy in my life.

I guess someone's companionship and their personality mean more to me than half hour under the sheets a few times a day

And blargh.... When did I become so soppy?! I blame pregnancy hormones.

Don't tell my OH I said all this, his ego will inflate to dangerous levels!

I'm in the same boat, DH & I probably on average have sex about once a month, except when we were actively trying to conceive, but even then our sex drives weren't full on. The month we conceived we weren't actually trying, I think we had sex twice.

But.... Our relationship is so much more than sex, he's honestly my best friend & the most loyal & adoring man I've ever met. I am such a lucky lady

 

[LittleFraggle]

I am very lucky me and my husband both have the same sex drive, apart from a little break in the first trimester due to bleeding we have regular nookie.

Have you spoke to your hubby's about just having oral sex with each other, that way he shouldn't feel the guilt about harming you or the baby?

 

[Canadiana]

If I wasn't getting it when I wanted it, I would just rape OH. Seriously. I've done it, too. He and I are about the same size (I'm half an inch taller and got 40 lbs on him) so I just take it. He does it too...but since I got preggo, it really HAS lessened. We used to go 3-5 times a week- if not more (mostly me...I have a very high sex drive) but after I got preggo....MAYBE once every 2-3 weeks? I know its nothing compared to some of you ladies...but like you, it makes me feel unwanted and unattractive. I even cried once and told him, "You think I'm ugly and you don't love me anymore and thats why we don't have sex!! WAAAAHHH!!!" He told me I was nuts and then proceeded to tell me it was because he didn't want to hurt me or make me sick. Blah blah blah. Save it for someone who believes it.

 

[ReadytoMum]

DH and I have had sex once since conception, and it was a pretty sad attempt at that. I have a very low sex drive to begin with, and so I'm quite content to go weeks without it. Now that I'm pregnant, I really couldn't care less if we didn't till after LO arrived.

DH has a pretty low sex drive too, so it hasn't really been a problem so far. At least not that he's mentioned anyway. At the moment our work schedules leave us both pretty exhausted, and some days I'm asleep before he even gets home! So it's not very conducive time-wise either.