did anyone hire help?

[MamaLoCo]

I'm considering hiring a maid. ..at least for a one -time service.

Really what I would like is a nanny. ..for myself!
My husband doesn't seem to realize how exhausted and disgusted I am.

Before I go to work, I'm just dead tired and either fighting a headache, puking, or struggling to find clothes that still fit and are appropriate. Breakfast is usually the last thing on my mind. When I get home from work, my feet hurt, I'm bloated, I'm tired to the point of tears. ..and the last thing I want to do is cook or clean.

Hubby works hard too but I feel like he doesn't do enough as it is, let alone enough to make up for me feeling useless. He's trying to quit smoking but still smokes outside and smokes other things inside the house and uses an e-cig, all of which I can smell like they're embedded in the walls.
Our dogs stink too and the cats' litter boxes completely keep me out of the office /exercise room.
The only room I feel like I can breathe in is my bedroom.

So right now I'm just in my bedroom, crying, hungry, my feet are sore, and Hubby is in the other room upset because he found out it-s going to cost too much to fix his car and now has to sell it. I'm upset bc I warned him not to buy the damn thing in the first place but nobody ever listens to me when I REALLY know what I'm talking about.

I think my hormones are kicking in. Being pregnant sucks. My hubby used to be the most attentive, romantic guy and ar first I thought it was too much. Now I just want someone to do all those things. Rub my feet, cook me dinner, wash the dishes...help me run errands bc on my days off, I feel like I cant leave the house because I don't NEED to. ..which means groceries don't get bought, my niece's Christmas gifts still have not been sent, I still have no pants to fit my bloated a $$ and I honestly want to punch my husband in the testicles and tell him that's how I feel all day every day.


//end rant

 

[HerdingDogs]

Hugs. "Pregnancy sucks. Making a human being sucks."

If I could afford help, I might. I have too many pets. I'd love to pay someone to re-order my garage. Thinking about it exhausts me.

Have you considered buying him an expectant dad book? Is he the reading type? It might help to hear about how you feel from another source or person.

Try to spread your chores out. I sweep when I get home. Rest. Make dinner for the dogs and myself. Rest. Feed the cats/do the litter. Rest. That's a good day. Dishes get thrown in the dishwasher. Pots only get washed now every other day. I haven't touched my laundry haha. Pick the things that bug you the most, and do a little each day to fix them.

Hugs hugs you can get through this

 

[DJ79]

A www. Have you spoken to DH about how you feel? If it were me I'd get the one off service to have a blitz on it all then agree a plan to keep on top of everything between you. Things will only get busier when LO arrives!!! xxxx

 

[MamaLoCo]

We probably can't afford help but I think a one-time splurge for the sake of my sanity might be worth it. He'll do dishes but we don't stay on top of it. I would like it if things could just get immediately rinsed out and then put into the dishwasher. I am still working on getting him to rinse things out when they get put in the sink.

Two big dogs and 2 cats means I need to sweep everyday...but I don't. I'm partially just bitter because he doesn't do it either. I know I can get back into a routine and do it all myself but geez...then what does that lead to, raise the baby by myself too? Go to work, do all the housework, change all the diapers? I'm not superwoman
I don't like feeling like I'm the only one doing things.

I have talked to him about how I feel. I mean, I casually mention things here and there and put a lighthearted twist on them so it doesn't bring him down...but then of course, he probably doesn't realize how serious it is.
Then today I just broke down about the smells and how I feel physically and of course, he just took it personally and now I'm the meanie, I guess.
I feel like we used to be able to communicate surprisingly well but now I just don't know how to express my feelings without having them either ignored as not a big deal, or taken personally.

I don't get it. We're expected to completely stop doing lots of things while they're just expected to change how/where they do them, if they're expected to make any changes at all... and it's still too difficult for so many men to just suck it up.

Maybe I will look for a book to give him. Lots of women don't like writing books about the bad parts of pregnancy. They usually write them afterwards, looking back with rose colored glasses. I already experienced that myself when my morning sickness disappeared for a few days - since I'd seen myself as having gotten through it without medication, I no longer had the "I don't understand why ANY woman would go through this more than once" attitude.

 

[MamaLoCo]

I keep telling him he should get used to it but I guess he's not interested in practicing. I guess he just wants to make the changes when he HAS to instead of actually being prepared.

 

[Blu10]

Hate to break it to you but this is the easy bit. Make the most of 'popping out' now as it wont happen once LO arrives for a good 2yrs x

 

[mummytobe_93]

I sometimes think I would love to pay for a cleaner but I find that it's just easier to keep on top of things now because I know if I don't I'll be super depressed about the state of my house.

I know its hard right now because of morning sickness etc but if you get a cleaner in twice the next few weeks you might feel better in a few weeks and able to do it yourself?

I have three cats that use a litter tray and it makes a mess every where, for every where. A one year old making a mess and I'm pregnant too just got over morning sickness so I fefinitley feel better. But I find my routine makes life a million times easier, but like I said it's hard to stick to It when you're feeling so miserable.
Have you spoken to your partner about helping you more? You'll definitely need and want the help once baby is born too so maybe change needs to happen sooner rather than later. You could do a chores chart? X

 

[Eleanor ace]

. I think the chore chart is a good suggestion. I would love to hire a cleaner. I have been tempted to hire someone to do a spring clean so that I can keep on top of it more easily while resting a bit more (I have two toddlers, aka mini destroyers) but when I think about spending the money I think of other things I can spend it on if I just get my butt in gear to do the cleaning myself and never end up hiring a cleaner. I would in your position though if it is causing stress in your relationship, it could be a good investment . Then you could make a chore chart after it is all tidy and then if your DH doesn't do his fair share he'll be able to see that.

 

[greats]

Guys are dumb, plain and simple. My dh grew up spoiled and never had to clean a day in his life (though neither did his mom and their house was always atrocious) so he thinks he can do the same here. I literally have to scream at him first thing in the morning to clean out the litter box. I have to remind him every time that I can't do it bc of pregnancy. And then he'll finally do the dishes and complain 2 days later how there are more dishes and he doesn't understand where they come from. It's really sad actually how dumb they are some times!

I would definitely hire a maid to help get the cleaning started. That way you don't have to deal with the overwhelming part. Then do a chore chart like the other ladies suggested and you both have certain chores every day.

Some times I'll hide the remote for the tv or his ipad if my cleaning requests fall on deaf ears. He gets the idea pretty quickly then lol

 

[HerdingDogs]

I would talk to him seriously. It doesn't have to nag or make him feel bad. Use your I Feel statements versus what he is doing (or not doing). It's very possible he just doesn't understand. Guys don't understand women on the day to day. They especially do not understand us when we're pregnant. I would say a change in routine is hard. My mom went back to work full time, and she cried every day for the first two months because none of the three men who lived with her at home were helping at home. It's easy to say I want to help not easy to actually do it.

A chore chart would be great! Knowing who is responsible for what and when. Now, just don't fly into B mode if he misses a day. He's human. And you don't want to be considered the meanie. Do tell him, just quick and easy.

Keep in mind it statistically takes about 60 days to establish a new habit.

Things will get worse before the get better. But they will get better once you both settle into your new roles. I partly do like being a single mom because of this. While I would love an extra set of hands around to help, I know it's all on me. I only have to manage myself haha. It's like classroom aides. I love them because they are helpful, but I hate having to manage another adult in my room.