Did Having A Special Child Change or Impact Your Plans for Having Others??

[SammieGrace]

While I still have some definite fears about the process, I think we are going for it. I was very surprised when DH told me he thought it was time, which is really unlike him. So I am trying to trust myself and our relationship and God, in thinking that this will be a good think for our family!

 

[Vampire Mom]

For us - somewhat I guess. We didn't try to prevent pregnancy, but I had 5 miscarriages between fostering Hannelore and this pregnancy so thus the gap. With my double digits level of miscarriages, we had become accepting that a biological child wasn't in Our Father's plan for us. We were just short term hosts to angels.

However, we weren't going to adopt again until Hannelore was school age as we're called to adopt at risk or special needs children so we want to give each child enough of my time so we could get settled.

 

[mummy2o]

For us - somewhat I guess. We didn't try to prevent pregnancy, but I had 5 miscarriages between fostering Hannelore and this pregnancy so thus the gap. With my double digits level of miscarriages, we had become accepting that a biological child wasn't in Our Father's plan for us. We were just short term hosts to angels.

However, we weren't going to adopt again until Hannelore was school age as we're called to adopt at risk or special needs children so we want to give each child enough of my time so we could get settled.

Hannelore must be so lucky to find great parents like you. I think its an amazing think you did for this child. Out of curiosity will you adopt again now you have your own baby on the way?

 

[Vampire Mom]

Yes, we'll likely adopt again. We both want a large family, I am best suited to be Mommy. But, as we refuse any medical involvement with staying pregnant, we will likely not have many biological children. Heck, I still think we may never have biological children, 18 or more miscarriages has made it so until I hold a child, I can't really believe we will have a child. Warped my mind really. DH and I have cussed God numerous times for the losses, but finally acceptable that we're just meant to carry angels for a bit. While it's depressing, grief filled and miserable, our Father (we're Catholic in case I've not mentioned that - Our Father is God, our Father is priest) helped us accept the honor of sorts that God finds our marriage to be - we can survive repeated loss without dissolving ourselves - so as downright awful as it is, we can accept it.

But to stop shoving my religion on everyone - yes. Because we do feel compelled to care for the orphans, and take that to include emotionally and mentally orphaned. Because we're able for me to stay home, we do lean towards SN children because so many aren't wanted and I do have the time to handle all the appointments and therapy and everything else.

Or we're just a little insane.

 

[SammieGrace]

Yes, we'll likely adopt again. We both want a large family, I am best suited to be Mommy. But, as we refuse any medical involvement with staying pregnant, we will likely not have many biological children. Heck, I still think we may never have biological children, 18 or more miscarriages has made it so until I hold a child, I can't really believe we will have a child. Warped my mind really. DH and I have cussed God numerous times for the losses, but finally acceptable that we're just meant to carry angels for a bit. While it's depressing, grief filled and miserable, our Father (we're Catholic in case I've not mentioned that - Our Father is God, our Father is priest) helped us accept the honor of sorts that God finds our marriage to be - we can survive repeated loss without dissolving ourselves - so as downright awful as it is, we can accept it.

But to stop shoving my religion on everyone - yes. Because we do feel compelled to care for the orphans, and take that to include emotionally and mentally orphaned. Because we're able for me to stay home, we do lean towards SN children because so many aren't wanted and I do have the time to handle all the appointments and therapy and everything else.

Or we're just a little insane.

I admire your strength! Losses are very very difficult and can strain one's faith and relationships, staying strong through that is a testament to both.

My DH is adopted and this something that we will definitely consider as we continue to grow our family. We have good friends currently going through the county adoption process here, and are learning a lot about it from them.

 

[SammieGrace]

In case anyone wants to join me over in TTC, I started a thread over there. No responses yet :/


https://babyandbump.momtastic.com/t...pecial-needs-child-would-love-buddy-lots.html

 

[BrandiCanucks]

Nope, it didn't affect it at all. My daughter is 7 and my oldest. She has microcephaly, epilepsy, immersion hypothermia, anhidrosis, an undiagnosed neurometabolic disease and autism. Her younger brother is only 20 months younger, and typically developing. I also have two more children after them, both neurotypical. I love kids and love being a mom and I haven't let Zoe's disabilities affect my decision for children.

 

[BrandiCanucks]

Minties, if you come back into this thread, what is the little boy's name? I probably know them and have them on FB, or are members with them in the Any-Cephaly group on FB. My daughter has microcephaly.

 

[Peanut78]

I was already pregnant when LO's issues were identified - so it wasn't so much a decision at the time per se.

I think a little brother was the best gift I could ever have given my son. They LOVE each other so much and are each others biggest supporters. If I could I would probably go for a 3rd (my fertility is messed up since having my last son) - both because I wanted one and because I think it's been so wonderful for my son.

 

[squirrel.]

Sorry if this is a late reply to the thread. My son is autistic and has severe speech delays (he doesn't really say anything yet). He is getting a lot more sociable and interactive as he gets older and is starting to make really good eye contact. He still doesn't really interact with strangers (ignores them if they talk to him), but with people he knows he is really smiley, happy and interactive. He understands a lot and is beginning to be really responsive when you ask him to do things. He's also starting to use PECS to communicate. We take him to speech therapy sessions and he's starting with an OT next week (he has sensory issues).

We never questioned whether or not to have Isla (my three-month-old baby girl). Perhaps we should have thought about it more, but my dream had been to haves big family (3 or 4 kids) and I didn't want us all to lose out on that. Selfishly I wanted the children I'd always dreamed of and also for my son, I thought he would really benefit from having peers to interact with. Also, I love my brothers and I wouldn't want to deprive him of that sibling bond.

So we had Isla on the same schedule we always planned 2.5 years after my son was born. Her arrival has transformed my son. He adores her and always wants to stroke her or play with her - I find it such a blessing, but it causes me a little stress too as due to his hypo sensitivity issues, his stroking is to push really hard or to kiss he pushes his head really hard into you, so with an adult that's fine, but with a baby not so much. The amazing thing is that since Isla arrived, my son has finally started paying attention to other babies and toddlers. Before he would ignore them, but now at nursery he tries to play with the other children and he likes to stroke and laugh with friends' babies (before he always ignored them!). I cannot wait for Isla to get a little older so that I feel less concerned about his physical play and also so she can really interact with him, I think it will boost his development even more.

Having Isla has had such a positive outcome for our family. I have another beautiful child to cherish and adore and my son is happy as a big brother and she's really boosting his socialisation.

We plan to have at least one more and very maybe another down the line. I do genuinely think another child will add to our family, but once more, I have some ulterior motive. I worry about what my son's future holds. I don't know how he will develop as he grows up; I don't know how independent he will be when he is a teenager and adult. I don't know how much he is going to need to rely on us, his family. I want him to have as big and as loving and supportive a family as he can because should anything ever happen to us, I want him to be loved, I want my children to have each other and to support each other. That May sounds awful, but I can't help that I think like that sometimes.

 

[Peanut78]

We plan to have at least one more and very maybe another down the line. I do genuinely think another child will add to our family, but once more, I have some ulterior motive. I worry about what my son's future holds. I don't know how he will develop as he grows up; I don't know how independent he will be when he is a teenager and adult. I don't know how much he is going to need to rely on us, his family. I want him to have as big and as loving and supportive a family as he can because should anything ever happen to us, I want him to be loved, I want my children to have each other and to support each other. That May sounds awful, but I can't help that I think like that sometimes.

I can relate to this. I would love to have another child in general, although I don't think it's on the cards for us. But it's also crossed my mind that I want as many people who love and support him to be around - especially since seeing how wonderful having a little brother and the bond they have has been for them both.

 

[SammieGrace]

Sorry if this is a late reply to the thread. My son is autistic and has severe speech delays (he doesn't really say anything yet). He is getting a lot more sociable and interactive as he gets older and is starting to make really good eye contact. He still doesn't really interact with strangers (ignores them if they talk to him), but with people he knows he is really smiley, happy and interactive. He understands a lot and is beginning to be really responsive when you ask him to do things. He's also starting to use PECS to communicate. We take him to speech therapy sessions and he's starting with an OT next week (he has sensory issues).

We never questioned whether or not to have Isla (my three-month-old baby girl). Perhaps we should have thought about it more, but my dream had been to haves big family (3 or 4 kids) and I didn't want us all to lose out on that. Selfishly I wanted the children I'd always dreamed of and also for my son, I thought he would really benefit from having peers to interact with. Also, I love my brothers and I wouldn't want to deprive him of that sibling bond.

So we had Isla on the same schedule we always planned 2.5 years after my son was born. Her arrival has transformed my son. He adores her and always wants to stroke her or play with her - I find it such a blessing, but it causes me a little stress too as due to his hypo sensitivity issues, his stroking is to push really hard or to kiss he pushes his head really hard into you, so with an adult that's fine, but with a baby not so much. The amazing thing is that since Isla arrived, my son has finally started paying attention to other babies and toddlers. Before he would ignore them, but now at nursery he tries to play with the other children and he likes to stroke and laugh with friends' babies (before he always ignored them!). I cannot wait for Isla to get a little older so that I feel less concerned about his physical play and also so she can really interact with him, I think it will boost his development even more.

Having Isla has had such a positive outcome for our family. I have another beautiful child to cherish and adore and my son is happy as a big brother and she's really boosting his socialisation.

We plan to have at least one more and very maybe another down the line. I do genuinely think another child will add to our family, but once more, I have some ulterior motive. I worry about what my son's future holds. I don't know how he will develop as he grows up; I don't know how independent he will be when he is a teenager and adult. I don't know how much he is going to need to rely on us, his family. I want him to have as big and as loving and supportive a family as he can because should anything ever happen to us, I want him to be loved, I want my children to have each other and to support each other. That May sounds awful, but I can't help that I think like that sometimes.

It is so great to here how well your son has been able to interact with your little girl. That is what I hope for as my son gets older. He does talk, but his speech is delayed and we have used PECS with him as well. I have seen a lot of improvement in him being in a special day class for autism, and spending time with his cousins now that we have moved back to our hometown. I think that being with a sibling would have great benefits for him, at least I hope! Thanks for sharing your uplifting story, please keep in touch!

 

[minties]

Minties, if you come back into this thread, what is the little boy's name? I probably know them and have them on FB, or are members with them in the Any-Cephaly group on FB. My daughter has microcephaly.

Hi! The wee one is a girl, her name is Aaliyah. Huge beautiful eyes. Her mother is Alicia P. I would imagine she is in online groups as she is a big Facebook fan . She's an online friend, but I love her girls, I wish I could meet them. Aaliyah seems severely disabled, I think having lissencephaly combined with the microcephaly causes more of a disability? Her HC is about that of a newborn at age 2 from what I recall.

I just read your whole parenting blog, why did it stop? I loved it!

 

[alibaba24]

I don't know if I class my daughter as special needs or not she has developmental delays and poss asd but is a happy little girl . I was pregnant already when her issues came to light and at the time I remember thinking if I had known ... But that would have been so wrong. DD adores her baby sister and my youngest is teaching her so much about sharing etc. Dd1 loves helping out with her fetching nappies etc. I couldn't imagine life without my youngest daughter we both dote on her and I love the fact when I'm no longer here they will have each other . I'm glad my daughter got a sibling x

 

[BrandiCanucks]

Minties, if you come back into this thread, what is the little boy's name? I probably know them and have them on FB, or are members with them in the Any-Cephaly group on FB. My daughter has microcephaly.

Hi! The wee one is a girl, her name is Aaliyah. Huge beautiful eyes. Her mother is Alicia P. I would imagine she is in online groups as she is a big Facebook fan . She's an online friend, but I love her girls, I wish I could meet them. Aaliyah seems severely disabled, I think having lissencephaly combined with the microcephaly causes more of a disability? Her HC is about that of a newborn at age 2 from what I recall.

I just read your whole parenting blog, why did it stop? I loved it!

Can't say I've come across her, but might one day. My daughter is 7 and her HC is that of a 14-month-old. Her 3 month old brother's HC is only 3cm smaller right now. He currently has the smallest head in the house. And yes, micro and liss can make the disability greater. Liss in itself can make it worse.

Life's gotten busy and I haven't been on for a bit. Will likely update later on today or tomorrow if I can get my youngest two to coordinate naps.