Differences in opinion with OH,discipline.

[jen1604]

I wasn't sure where to post this so I thought I'd post in here

Ok so,I was wondering if any of you have advice about this.
Myself and OH are having a disagreement about the way that Ophelia (who will be 2) should be disciplined.Apparently my methods are 'hippy',I'm very into positive reinforcement,she hardly ever gets told no,instead I prefer to explain what she should be doing and I would definitely never smack her.

OH is very 'old school' I guess with his discipline and disciplines in the way that all of his family do.Lots of 'NO' with no explanation,stern voices and shouting and has been known to smack her.I HATE this,it upsets me,I don't think its the right way to do things and not how I want my little girl to be brought up,I would never want her to be scared of either of her parents and seeing her look scared if he raises his voice I try and explain 'She doesn't get what you're telling her off for' but he insists its me doing wrong and I'm too soft.

I am a SAHM and so it used to be just me and the babies at home and so it was a lot more manageable to do the things I felt they should be done but at the moment OH is here all the time too and its starting to feel like a constant battle...

Any one got any ideas or had similar issues with their OH?

xxxxx

 

[Dream.A.Dream]

Two ticks while I feed the screaming child and then I shall reply properly

 

[Dream.A.Dream]

Right,

Well I'm of the same school of thought as you. However I can see my OH being more like yours. The way I intend to approach it is to try and explain how much better it is for them to understand why they can't do something rather than just knowing it's bad. xx

 

[Pops]

Obviously Missy isn't here yet but it is obviously something we have discussed and thankfully, we are on the same page. Like you, neither of us are fans of just saying "NO" without an explanation, my parents had a way of explaing things and then letting my brother and I think we had made the decision when really, they had put enough of the idea into our head and it really worked. We were never smacked, always knew that things were being said and done for a reason and knew we could always go to them with anything, right or wrong, and they would listen without going mental at us.

I don't really know what to suggest sweetie as he sounds quite set in his ways as, like you say, that is how he was brought up but I do think it needs addressing as Ophelia will end up not knowing if she is coming or going

xxx

 

[embo216]

I'm in the old school, I tell Lily No but never without an explanation. xxx

 

[trumpetbum]

We had a little issue with this. I like the triple P positive discipline concept, although as a human being I do lose it from time to time and flake out, but my kids know that I'll apologise if I flake out for no good reason. I was at home with the girls until dd2 went to school and so needed to have a style of parenting that worked well for me as the primary caregiver. Dh at the time was very much about parenting as we were parented and thought all kids needed to have a slapped backside when they crossed the line. I fought with my mil over it, had rude comments from dh's extended family etc. Even now, with friends and family whose kids are disciplined like this (despite me always being respectful of their parenting) when mine misbehave it's because we don't smack, when they misbehave it's x,y,z perfectly reasonable explanation Dh and I had quite fiery discussions about the need for one consistent approach to discipline and in the end I just had to point out that it was ME who was dealing with them for the majority of the time, so i needed an approach that worked for me and that he had to take on a supportive role. I think the worst parenting approach is one which is inconsistent. I do put my foot down and say no, especially now that the girls are older but try not to overuse this.