Difficulty accepting baby is healthy now

[counting]

Hello, just wanted to chat with some other moms who have had an ill baby. My son is four months. He was not premature, but had sepsis and was very critically ill, with a picc line, etc. He is now developmentally doing well, but is very slow growing and undersized (weight and length). He is 11lbs11.5oz and 18 weeks old. Keeping in mind he was born at 7lbs7oz. I'm really struggling with not treating him like a newborn. I am always nursing him, cradling him, and honestly I have no other way to explain it other than I find it very difficult to treat him like an older baby. And I'm constantly terrified of sitting him down, etc. He has to be in my arms 24/7. Has anyone else struggled with treating their baby who was sick as a healthy, growing, developmentally appropriate child instead of a sick newborn? Attached is a picture of my son in hospital snuggling with me during one of many long nights (he us about 4 weeks in this picture).

 

[AP]

Oh Hun, I personally think you are being a little hard on yourself. He's only four months, if you are both happy, enjoy the snuggles and nursing because it doesn't last forever (he won't allow it to either ) I'd even say I was like this with my term baby! You both obviously have a lovely bond.

 

[counting]

I have an older (healthy) son as well.I busy noticed at this age with my oldest I was playing with him a lot more on the floor, giving him more toys to explore, helping encourage his sitting, etc. With my youngest I don't do a lot of floor time, even though he is starting to be able to sit independently and that sort of thing, mostly I'll be wearing him or cradling him. I'm worried I'm stifling his development.

 

[SucreK]

To start, he is gorgeous.

And, yes, I'd say what you're feeling is incredibly common. NICU parents are so much more likely to experience depression and PTSD: https://www.nytimes.com/2009/08/25/health/25trau.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0. You're scared because he was so sick, and you're probably re-traumatized all the time (I know I am--late night wrong numbers make me think of bad news NICU calls and sad FB stories about sick kids make me want to puke).

Don't do what I did and wait till your baby is 18 months old to get help. I finally just called my OB (I don't have a GP right now), and asked if they could prescribe me something, which they did. That, along with therapy, is helping.

Please feel free to ask as many questions as you'd like and lean on us. NICU moms are a tough tribe!

 

[sophxx]

At four months old I still held my baby all the time and lo hadn't been through what your lo has been through. Try not to be so hard on yourself but if your still worried could you speak to your gp.

 

[AP]

SucreK has a very good point. If you are sure this is becoming a problem it is worth a trip to the GP

 

[counting]

I have pp anxiety, I've been trying to manage at home. :/

 

[SucreK]

I thought I could handle my anxiety on my own, too. But I was always distracted and not enjoying these incredibly wonderful moments with my girls. I am so relieved to finally be on a better path.

I'm also reading this wonderful book and can't recommend it enough: https://www.amazon.com/The-Mindful-Way-through-Anxiety/dp/1606234641

It was recommended in this segment from NPR: https://commonhealth.wbur.org/2015/05/mindfulness-parental-anxiety