Dilemma with leftover embryos

[Tripletotskin]

Hello Everyone,

I have a bit of a dilemma, actually, I consider it a huge dilemma and I would appreciate a bit of insight from you. At first, I didn't want to post it here because it seems like such a personal and private dilemma but I started to like the support that I'm seeing from this site so here I am, opening a bit of my private life to all of you...

I am a very happy mother of three beautiful boys (triplets). My husband and I tried to conceive for a couple of years and when we didn't succeed, we went to the doctor to find out why. The doctors didn't find anything, in fact, all our tests turned out normal. Like most couples who could not conceive, we went through infertility treatment and we tried everything until we decided to finally try IVF.

As most of you possibly know by now, we were successful in our first try and we had our triplets. So, every thing turned out great! So you're probably asking by now, where's the dilemma?

Well, the dilemma is, I have leftover embryos that are currently frozen (4 to be exact). I am not sure what to do with them. Discarding them is definitely not an option! Adoption seems to be the best option but I just have this weird feeling about it. I keep thinking that if I give my eggs for adoption, I will always be thinking that somewhere out there is a child of mine. I have also considered getting pregnant again and trying for a girl but the chances of me having multiples will be very high. I would welcome to have multiples again but there are a lot of risks and issues involved. I will be 43 this year, also, quite frankly, I don't think we can afford to have more kids, financially, especially with me not working at the moment. Sigh! What to do...what to do... Any advice, anyone?

 

[Newt]

I really don't know what so say hun, I just wanted to send you a hug

I am sure you have time to think about it and you will make the right choice for you, please don't let it eat you up though hun

 

[Tripletotskin]

I really don't know what so say hun, I just wanted to send you a hug

I am sure you have time to think about it and you will make the right choice for you, please don't let it eat you up though hun

Hi Newt,

I appreciate the hugs! You sound like a kind and warm person. Congratulations on your pregnancy and hope to see you often in here. Here's a big hug for you, too!

 

[Jenny]

Can't even imagine what this would be like if I were in the same situation. If it were me, I would give them up for adoption. So many caring couples out there would give up everything to have a child, so I say why not give them a chance?
This is what I think without knowing exactly what it must be like though. I might feel differently if I was going through the same thing. But, if it came down to either discarding them or adoption, it would be adoption if pregnancy isn't an option.

Good luck with deciding on what to do hon, wishing you the best

 

[Lil_Baby_Boo]

Such a hard and confusing decision.

I can't offer any 'I would do's' as I really would also be stuck as to what to do myself!

All said & done its a decision only you & your OH can make. Between you, you'll do whats right!

Wishing you lots of love & luck with whatever you decide.

xx

 

[Simon'sMum]

Hmmm... It's probably one of the most difficult dilemmas ever... I can totally understand that financial issues are to be considered when you have triplets and risk multiples again. It IS one thing to have children, but one must be able to offer them fair opportunities.

I think OH and yourself should sit down and evalute pros and cons of each option. You will probably find that some points "weigh" more than others in the scale. I am not in your position, but I would consider adoption for certain reasons (these embryos already exist, some parents would take great care of them...). In the end, there is bound to be one option that in your heart you know you will be able to live with without too much sorrow. Because certainly, either decision will be difficult to make.

Good luck and know that whatever you do, you deserve much respect xx

 

[Carley]

Hello Everyone,

I have a bit of a dilemma, actually, I consider it a huge dilemma and I would appreciate a bit of insight from you. At first, I didn't want to post it here because it seems like such a personal and private dilemma but I started to like the support that I'm seeing from this site so here I am, opening a bit of my private life to all of you...

I am a very happy mother of three beautiful boys (triplets). My husband and I tried to conceive for a couple of years and when we didn't succeed, we went to the doctor to find out why. The doctors didn't find anything, in fact, all our tests turned out normal. Like most couples who could not conceive, we went through infertility treatment and we tried everything until we decided to finally try IVF.

As most of you possibly know by now, we were successful in our first try and we had our triplets. So, every thing turned out great! So you're probably asking by now, where's the dilemma?

Well, the dilemma is, I have leftover embryos that are currently frozen (4 to be exact). I am not sure what to do with them. Discarding them is definitely not an option! Adoption seems to be the best option but I just have this weird feeling about it. I keep thinking that if I give my eggs for adoption, I will always be thinking that somewhere out there is a child of mine. I have also considered getting pregnant again and trying for a girl but the chances of me having multiples will be very high. I would welcome to have multiples again but there are a lot of risks and issues involved. I will be 43 this year, also, quite frankly, I don't think we can afford to have more kids, financially, especially with me not working at the moment. Sigh! What to do...what to do... Any advice, anyone?

If it were me I'd put them out for adoption (Is that the right phase?) Because n my heart of hearts I know the trouble some women have gone through. In some cases you can even pick the couples of who adopt your embryos. The question to ask yourself are you happy with 3 children? Is your family complete? You need to do what is best for you and your family.

 

[Tripletotskin]

First of all, my heartfelt thanks to all of you who responded to my thread. As I read everyone's response, I could feel that all of you seem very sincere in your desire to help or even just offer your support. That alone gives me comfort ,so, thank you, and God bless.

I do realize that this is a very personal decision that my husband and I have to make. As I've said, discarding my embryos or donating them to science are not viable options for me. So, I am left with giving them for adoption and maybe getting pregnant again. Maybe I can try for a girl or "girls", huh? I am happy with my three beautiful boys now but a girl(s) would be wonderful, too.

Deep in my heart, I am praying that God will give me the strength, good health and maybe the financial capability to have a baby or babies again. My faith tells me that in the end, God will provide the answer for us.

I have until next year to decide...if we decide that I could not get pregnant anymore, then I would have to find the best couple(s) to adopt our embryos. I know there are plenty of couples out there who are deserving to have babies like us.

Thanks again, everyone! May I be of help to some of you as well one of these days.

 

[Ann-Marie]

Wow.
I can't imagine what you must be going through. I have two boys, and this pregnancy was unexpected.... we weren't planning anymore, and one of the reasons was financial. I must say though, it's amazing what you can aquire cheap or even free !!! Babies use/wear things for suck little time, that they're never really worn out. I'm having a little girl, and I truly feel like this is the last for me now, now that I have both.

It's going to be yours and hubbys decision at the end of the day. If it was me, and there definetely wasn't the option of having another baby, I would be thinking of the babies that are waiting to grow, and what I would want for them. I would definetely like them to give some one else the joy of being a parent, and would feel blessed that I could give that gift

My thoughts are with you hun

 

[anita665]

I'd really take some time to think about it because although you feel like you don't want anymore children right now, you may change your mind in the future.

Also I know adoption can seem a little strange but at the same time it's a great gift to be able to give someone who can't have children of there own.

 

[Helen]

It's a terrible decision to have to make, isn't it? We are faced with the exact same situation. We have 6 little frosties. We feel so lucky that IVF worked first time and we have one of each. We have been truly blessed.

I guess things are a little different here (UK). We have 3 choices - dispose of them, donate them for research or donate them to another couple. Before the children were born we were pretty sure that we wanted to donate them to another couple (the other options are too difficult to bear) but now that we know these two little people its so difficult to imagine giving them away..... yet, we don't think we should try for more.

We don't think we want to go through IVF again. What if it didn't work this time and we were left feeling disappointed and bereft when in fact we should be thanking our lucky stars for the two children we do have? What if it does work and the balance of our family changes because we have two girls or two boys? How would I feel about being PG again or being PG with just one? A weird thing to say but unless you have multiples you probably won't get that point.

Could we bear to give away our children though? What happens if they hate us for giving them away or are really resentful? What happens if they have a bad life? How would I feel if they came to find us?

I know this doesn't help you at all, but I wanted you to know that you're not alone in having to make such a difficult decision.

 

[ella170]

if u cant financially afford another pregnancy (or for whatever other reasons), the best thing that u can give to someone is life- even if you are not taking care of the child. through adoption, at least you know that u are giving another couple the chance to have children of their own who are desperate for a child. but obviously it is your decision only, i hope u make the choice which is best for u x

 

[Wobbles]

Like most couples who could not conceive, we went through infertility treatment and we tried everything until we decided to finally try IVF.

As most of you possibly know by now, we were successful in our first try and we had our triplets.

I'm confused

I thought you conceived the triplets with clomid help?

Hi! I took Clomid and was blessed with triplets! I had a feeling I was going to have multiples, like maybe twins, but I didn't think I was going to have triplets. Never regretted it though.

The very first time my husband and I knew that we were having triplets, we knew right away that we would love to have all three. All the medical people seemed to encourage reduction but it was never an option for us.

We love the 3 rascals (all boys).

 

[Tripletotskin]

I'm confused

I thought you conceived the triplets with clomid help?

I had to take clomid as part of the IVF procedure.

 

[Tripletotskin]

Hi Helen,

I know that there are other couples that are faced with this difficult decision. It's comforting to actually meet someone in this forum who is going through the same situation that I have, although, I wish no one had to go through this.

Unfortunately, the situation that we currently face is one of the setbacks of having to go through IVF. But I have no regrets, whatsoever. Like you, I feel very much blessed with my 3 boys.

More power to you and your family! I hope this is not the last time that we connect through this forum.

 

[Mynxie]

Truthfully, I don't think that I could offer a true, good answer, because it's not a situation that I've ever been in. The only situations that I've been in are TTC, early pregnancy and early miscarriage. I really want to say that it's a hard decision to make, I know what, if I was in that situation, that I would like to think what I would do, but being there is very different. Good luck whatever you decide.

 

[Wobbles]

I had to take clomid as part of the IVF procedure.

Ahhhh

Does it play a big part of the LOs or mainly the IVF?

- Best of luck with yoru decision btw! Hard

x

 

[Helen]

Can I ask you about the Clomid and IVF thing? Hope that's ok.

Did you have to have a mega dose of it to get so many viable embryos or were you just dead lucky? I don't really know much about Clomid but doesn't a normal dose i.e. non-IVF give you maybe 2 eggs a month or something?

 

[Tripletotskin]

Can I ask you about the Clomid and IVF thing? Hope that's ok.

Did you have to have a mega dose of it to get so many viable embryos or were you just dead lucky? I don't really know much about Clomid but doesn't a normal dose i.e. non-IVF give you maybe 2 eggs a month or something?

Hi Helen,

My memory is not as clear as it was before my pregnancy...(I was told it's a side effect of pregnancy? I think I'm just getting old-lol)

Anyway, I remember taking Clomid since I started the fertility treatment. I don't think I had a mega dose of it though. If my memory serves me right, my doctor extracted 11 eggs from me, 8 of them were fertilized successfully, 4 were inserted in my womb and I ended up with three wonderful boys...the rest is history!

BTW, I think I may have confused you about the options that I have reg my embryos. I do have the options of discarding them or donating them to science here in the US. I just don't consider any of those options as options for me at all. Just like you, I would not be able to bear the thought of it.