Disheartened

[Lkg]

I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and after many discussions we have decided we would like to start a family and have a baby. However, I told my best friend who I thought would be happy but instead told me I was crazy as she has a child and it's ruined her and her boyfriends relationship, even though they had only been together a few months before having a baby. I'm also in my final year at uni which I will finish in April so even if I did fall pregnant straight away I would be due after I finish. I'm also anxious to tell my parents as I know they would go mad if I had planned this and tell me I'm too young and should sort my career out first (I'm 24). This is what we both want but I'm so confused and worried about people's reactions it's making me feel terrible when I should feel excited. : /

 

[MoldyVoldy]

i know exactly how you feel.

when i got pregnant i wasn't in the best situation. luckily my son changed my life, in the instant i knew he was growing inside my belly something clicked inside my brain and i haven't looked back at my old life at all.

YOU, on the other hand, are on a completely different level than i was when i fell pregnant. you will have finished school and you are in a stable relationship.

do you live on your own? do you have your own money?

if so, they have nothing to say about your baby decisions.

my family was devastated when i told them my news, but let me tell you, when they met my son, and held him and saw how i had changed, all of those bad feelings they had literally melted away.

good luck, i know how hard this is. but if you are financially able, i say go for it. your LO will change your life!

 

[Lkg]

Yes my boyfriend works full time and I also work part time. We live in a house on our own but I know my parents will think my decision foolish. We are both mega excited to start trying but it's hard to rule out what other people think

 

[DobbyForever]

Hey. I'm married, steady job, finishing up my master degree, savings, all that. My best friend is still not being supportive. She is letting her personal instability and immaturity blind her to the fact that I am ready for a kid and that doesn't mean she gas to be.

Yes, a kid can ruin a relationship. Things will change. Be sure you are done with all your adventures. For me, the next time I go snorkeling with dolphins I want my kid with me. Next time I want to go to Thailand I want family to meet my kid. Next time I go to Hawaii... You see where I'm going with this? DH have had our alone time. We want to share memories with our children now.

Also, I'm sorry but having a baby with someone after 3 months is what ruined her relationship and I feel so sorry for her kid for being the center of that frustration. 3 months is not enough alone time, you have not built a strong enough bond to make it through parenting or satisfy your own desires. Maybe bit true for everyone but that sounds like her case.

Sit her down and be honest that you feel hurt that she isn't more excited for you, and that your relationship is different. Tell her how important she is to you and how much you want to and need to have her support and enthusiasm.

 

[DobbyForever]

And be open to what they are saying. Remember they are only saying it because they want what is best for you and your child. They aren't trying to hurt you, but they don't want to see you get hurt either. In the end, they'll come around.

 

[Lkg]

Yeah she said she is happy for me when I told her what she said upset me, however I know she doesn't completely think it's right. She keeps saying it will be hard with uni etc which I'm not naive to think it won't be. It's frustrating as ever since she's had a child she always makes comments saying I wish you would have one but now I want one she thinks it's not a good idea.

 

[DobbyForever]

My mom learned a very valuable lesson this last year. She doesn't have to agree with everything I do, she just had to love me regardless. . I'm glad you were able to talk to your friend. Once your LO is on the way and she sees how happy you are it'll be infectious


When DH and I started trying, he freaked our! There's a difference between "aww you should have a kid" and "you're pregnant!" Just takes time to get used to it. It will be hard. My mom had my brother in school, and only went back when we were in middle/high school because she taught us the value of education but felt like a fraud having not finished her BA.

Lots of baby dust to you. But it sounds like people will come around. Just be honest and use I statements. You'll be fine

 

[MoldyVoldy]

i think you gave the best advice, dobbyforever. and your name is awesome.