Distraught by mums response...

[daddiesgift]

I can't say I've ever hurt someone because I care! That sounds like an excuse to allow bad behavior. I think telling your daughter to have an abortion is not caring. Does she think that having an abortion will be something you can schedule and just walk away from? No you'd feel horribly guilty for life. Especially having bi polar disorder, living with unnecessary guilt is an everyday occurrence you don't need to have more piled on! I think the comments are selfish and mean. There is no care behind it.

This would be caring.. "Pregnant again? Congratulations! How have you been feeling? How are you coping being pregnant with two kids? If you ever need help I'm here to help. If you ever feel overwhelmed or down call me to talk. Is there a medication to take safe for pregnancy? Do you have a plan for after baby arrives?" THAT'S CARING. "You need an abortion. Ill be disappointed if you don't. I'm not telling dad. Your family is fine with two don't add a third" is not caring its selfish and horrible. We all have different ways of coping and expressing our feelings but suggesting an abortion is not okay. Period!

If you allow someone to continuously hurt you without speaking up it won't get better. If your feeling too delicate I'd have your aunt give her an earful!

 

[jem_5500]

Funnily enough, my aunt said I keep making excuses for her and I shouldn't! So I won't ! She needs to accept that this baby is coming and itsnow her choice as to weather she wants to be part of my even more perfect family of 5! I am sure it won't e the last time you hear from me on the matter from here as I guess this won't be easy! I am starting to get excited and I Won't let any one take that away from us xxx thank you x

 

[daddiesgift]

And that's the way it should be! Don't be sad over this and take away from your excitement. All that matters over all is how you feel, then your OH and kids. Both OH and I have had some hard times with family members and while we still love them and keep contact we've learned the family we've created is what's most important and all four soon to be five of us are our family.

 

[tddunn]

Hun I have an extremely unsupportive mil and mu husband and I don't talk yo her because of the crazy comments that she has made. Similar to the ones your mother made. Your mother decided the size of the family she wanted and now it is your turn. She needs to step back and accept that happily or don't be a part of it. I know this is hard but you shouldn't let her get away with such band behavior.

 

[jem_5500]

Thank u, not much sleep last night but through confusion mainly. Of course hubby snored all night
Possibly seeing her today. It don't really want to!

 

[mysteriouseye]

Wow… just wow… sorry my mouth is like literally on the ground… I don’t think I would ever talk to my mum again if she said that!.. I hope your OK that would really hurt my feelings if my mother said something to me like that xx

 

[MrsKitty]

Did not want to read and run. Totally horrified at your Mothers reaction! Someone needs to speak to her and not you. I would let you Auntie have words with her. She has no right to tell you what to do, she needs to back off. No one other than the parents should be involved in that sort of decision. Has she thought of the effects that an abortion would have on you for one? Anyway you and your husband want this baby and she needs to be told it is not up for discussion. It is such an awful thing to suggest

I think a bit of distance from her would be a good idea, but only you can decide how to deal with her. Grab the love and support from you husband and in laws, you need it right now.

 

[baileybubs]

I have to agree with a lot of the ladies hun, I think that's an awful thing to say! Whether she thinks she's being caring or not that's just out of order! I honestly would not speak to my mum again if she said that to me! Also, I would let your auntie say something too because it would only upset you to confront her about it and that's not what you need in the first tri!
I think it's totally rude behaviour to say the things she has, if she was worried she should have expressed the worry not told you that you should have an abortion.

You should just take a step back and let her realise how wrong she was to say that, don't let yourself worry over it, it's her problem not yours, and you have the support of your hubby and in laws.

Congratulations Hun, enjoy your pregnancy and new addition to your family x

 

[jem_5500]

I recieved a message from mu this morning and she sand 'if u finish work early and want to come for a chat and a hug here before getting ds I'm here'

I replied'I can do, but t and I cannot terminate no matter wha your feelings are and we need your support. I understand your worried and it's not an option we are going to consider. Do you still want to see me?

So heading over in couple of hours....let's see what happens, but if she starts I'm walking out xx

 

[mysteriouseye]

Shes lucky to be honest that your so forgiving because I wouldnt even go and see her xx

 

[sannod]

I'm sorry to hear this.... I'm expecting a similar reaction from my dad. He hates my DH and has been hounding me to get my tubes tied since before I even brought my daughter home from the hospital. I also got the "you have the ideal boy and girl don't mess with it" talk... My strategy is hold off telling as late as possible (14 weeks before I have to tell work) and then make it big loud and exciting so all the good will drown out the bad... We will see. He might just get up and walk out of the restaurant. Fine by me.

 

[baileybubs]

Yeah I agree, I don't think I would have responded but it does sound like she cares. Maybe have a chat about it with her and explain to her how hurt you have been that she has said that. And find out her reasons for saying it too.
Good luck Hun x

 

[bettybee1]

Hope is gone well !!! She probley means well. parents eh ? Xx

 

[jelissamo]

I can relate to the offensive response, not because my mother siad that to me, but because my mom is bipolar. I've had a normal childhood and I know that I am deeply loved and cared for from my mom, but she reacts to things depending on her mindset at the time. I've learned over the years the best way of talking to her is to try and help her see another perspective. It's not easy and I know there are days (or weeks) when I am 'off' but you have every right to be happy and rejoice in this moment. When my mother-in-law found out her other son and his gf were pregnant (not planned), she called the gf a whore and told him he needed to tell her to take care of it (abortion). mind you that is her favorite son and she would do anything for them or us. It took her a few months to come to terms with what was happening and she's loved that child like a doting grandma does, but we were all shocked with her reaction, no one expected that at all. even if this baby isn't planned she might just be shocked anyways (that does in no way excuse her response to you), but I really think after you talk to her and even after time passes, she'll let go of the fear she has and come to support you. I always remember 'this too shall pass'. I'm glad you are so strong in your belief to keep the baby, I'm the same way. I pray you have a wonderful pregnancy and that your mum realizes the error of her ways.

 

[eris]

Does your mother have mental health issues as well? Because no matter how "concerned" she is about your family, saying something like that sounds to me like she has more going on in her own head. That's a truly horrible thing to say to someone and I'm so sorry you have to deal with this right now. Also, you're way stronger than I am because I would totally NOT be talking to her at all at this point.

 

[WanaBaba]

Wow. Cannot believe anyone would say this to their daughter. And 'not really an option' as though she thinks she has any say in the matter?!

 

[jem_5500]

Hello,

Sooooo I went over yesterday and she avoided it for 40mi uses then she started, saying they can't support us financially and she fried about the effect on the other two and my do and I are already tired so what will a third one do, and your taking 2 steps forward and 5 steps back....

I cried and told her how much she hurt me on weds and she aid stop crying your only doing it because I'm. Ot jumping up and down saying 'I respect your desicion'

I walked out at that point. I went and spoke to dad at his work. He for the third time in his life was speechless (each pregnancy). He said he is worried about us as things were going well again bun will fully support us! I told him what mum said and he will have a word with her... I went back with my son after to mums weesaid. Nothing more on matter, she gave me a hug as I went to collect daughter and as I leftsaid'you need to talk to the gp and if she tells you it's best for you get rid of the baby that's what u do.

I've not spoken or been back today she can sort it out now and if she's not careful will loose contact with all of us x

 

[victoria1987]

I am sorry to hear about your mum, that is just terrible! Most people even if they are thinking something like that have the tact to keep it to themselves!

Also although not bipolar disorder, I have struggled with clinical depression since I was 15. Been on and off all different kinds of meds and have been coping just with cognitive behavour therapy since June of this year. So I do know to a slight degree what mental health issues are like and anyone who says you cannot keep yourself and baby healthy while suffering from mental illness doesn't know what they are talking about. Providing you are getting the professional support and care you need and are well aware of your illness (which you obviously are) there is nothing stopping you from being health.

Try to keep your spirits up and don't let other's negativity bring you down!

 

[deafgal]

Does she even understand that lack of support can make anyone a depressed mom , rather they have bipolar or not?

My cousin is bipolar and I think his mom is too.

 

[jelissamo]

I'm glad you are so strong. I love seeing a back bone and please continue to be happy for yourself. If you have to keep some distance, do. Do what is best for you and the baby (and your family). From what your mother says, it reminds me of mine and I wouldn't doubt that your mum might have something wrong with her. You will be fine, you seem to want to take care of yourself and your family. That's what a good mom does. Way to be strong