Do I have a right to be pissed??

[JViti]

So, Ive been TTC #2 for 18 months now. Its been a loooong hard, heartwrenching journey. Ive had 4 cousins fall pregnant and while ive been happy for them, a lil part of me was envious.

My SIL (DH sis) just came out that shes pregnant. Im happy, cuz I'm gunna have another lil neice or nephew...but its how the whole thing played out that got to me...

She announces it at dinner...I immediately say, "jeeeez, ive been doing the nasty for 18 months trying to get pregnant"...She then says "Ha, 2 months!"

She knows how this has been for me...she knows how sad this has made me...and yet she makes a comment like that? I left the dinner table and didnt go back, I thought what she said was insensitive and uncalled for. She shouldnt even be having a baby right now, she has one that is overweight, she lives with her grandparents and JUST got an apartment that shes moving into next week...she cant afford another baby...shes not married...shes not the best mother to the one she has...i mean seriously!!

Am I over-reacting?? My DH isnt sure. He thinks I shouldnt have left the dinner table, and shouldnt have let it get to me that much, that shes a bitch and we all know that, but I dont think that should excuse her...

My MIL, FIL, and AIL all think im oooober overreacting. They said it was just a comment, and it wasnt meant in a bad way. I say...If they went through all the heartache that I have through this journey, they would understand....but they hav NEVER had this problem...so they cant say SHIT to me!!! It really just eats me up and shes lucky I didnt throw the bowl of mashed potatoes at her ugly face...

Sorry for the vent...but I just want to no what u girls think...If anyone would understand how I feel, its all of you.

You guys have been great listeners for me...and you really understand my troubles, and I know you guys wont judge me....I love you all!!

 

[Spockette]

Jviti

I know how you're feeling sweets. I have been trying for number two for nearly 15 months after falling pregnant with my first after one month. Every month is like someone takes your heart and twists it until you can't breathe. People just don't realise how hurtful it is to be TTC for such a long time whether its your first, second or tenth child and unless someone has been in that situation then they will NEVER understand.

I think what she said was incredibly insensitive. This isn't a competition! Unfortunately, you will get idiots like that who just do not think. People don't realise that all our emotions and grief are floating on the surface and it just takes one little comment to get them going.

So no you are not overreacting in the slightest. In fact, I think I would've thrown the potatoes over her....

 

[weebubba]

Completely agree with Spockette, she just put into words what I think.

Sorry she was so insensitive towards you.

 

[heres_hoping]

Unbelievable! I would feel exactly as you do. We lost our first son 18 months ago, and have been trying again for 14 months. A close fried just announced she is pregnant, and I know it was her first month trying. I am extremely jealous and struggling to be happy for her. Fortunately, she told me privately and before everyone else, and said she understands this will be hard for me. Had she said "ha, one month", it would be the end of our friendship!

I'm sorry she did that, and even sorrier that the rest of the family can't see a problem with it! A kind person would have said," I know, I'm sorry. I really hope it happens for you soon so our babies are a similar age....."

 

[Melbram]

You are not over reactiving at all - people have no idea what it is is like month on month to wish for something so mcuh to be let down and have to start again.

OH and I have been TTC for 3 year now and im currently stimming for my round 2 of IVF - first round was unsuccessful. A friend of mine found out she was pregnant just before CHristmas - her and her husband had split up but weere still sleeping together - he wants nothing to do with her just want to be having fun with his mates and go back to her whenever he wants her. SHe really doesnt want the baby and doesnt connect with it at all and tell me this all the time knowing how hard it is for me wishing I was the one that was pregnant - annoys me sooooo much

Maybe you should write a journal of what you have been through and let the family read it they may understand a little more then and be more supportive x

GL with the rest of your journey x

 

[tamithomas]

I'm split on this imo. I do think you had every right to be angry at her for conceiving, sounds like the worst of times to even try not to mention the gloating of only ttc for 2 months. I was furious when I found out my step SIL was bfp since she was living with my mom and my step brothers dad which her too only took one or two months, no job except for my SB having a part time one. To top it off my SB had faith in her that she had continued to take her BC but she had stopped without him knowing.

However the comment about trying for 18 months wasn't exactly warranted either. I understand it's frustrating to watch but to push your ttc on her was kind of backhand as well. I mean no disrespect in anyway.

Hope everything resolves itself

 

[ChartsNHearts]

I have to agree with tami on this one to be honest.

I don't mean any disrespect to you, and believe me, I know how rubbish it is trying for so long - it gets us all very touchy and upset especially when other people seem to fall pregnant easily. But, I think it was probably a little bit insensitive for your first reaction to be "jeeeez, ive been doing the nasty for 18 months trying to get pregnant", as opposed to "congratulations". Even if you'd had to say it through gritted teeth that would probably have been the more appropriate response.

On saying that though, she doesn't sound like a very nice person to have replied in the way she did. I would do my best to ignore her and forget the whole incident to be honest. You don't need the stress in your life - TTC is stressful enough!

Good luck to you. I really hope that you get your BFP soon.

 

[Blythe]

In an ideal world you would smile and congratulate her. However, we are not and I find I always react emotionally to news of a pregnancy, even celebrity ones!! I would have been tempted to throw something at her....

I have been in similar situations and girls who fall pregnant easily simply cannot comprehend how we feel hence comments like that! I would be inclined to swallow pride and make a quick dignified apology and then avoid her whenever you can and feel smug in the knowledge you would never make a comment like that coz you are sensitive to others going through difficult times.

 

[Molae06]

Ugh, I envy those who fall pregnant easily! So sorry you have so many hard months ahead of you now. I would be angry too, but in my opinion, maybe it is better something was said rather than nothing at all? This is just in my experience, but I'm not usually one to blurt things out, whether it be a fake congratulations or something nasty, I am one to remain utterly quiet and just look pissed off and irritated, which makes the situation really akward and uncomfortable. To me, I interpreted what you said in a "joking tone" rather than a pissed off rude tone, and the way I interpreted her comment back was the only way she really knew how to respond, in a joking tone back. Maybe she was trying to keep the mood light or didn't want things to feel akward.

In any case, I wish everyone else around didn't react the way they did saying you were out of line for leaving the table etc. I have been in similar situations and always end up making myself the bad guy in everyone elses eyes for similar behavior.