Do not TELL me my son needs counseling! --long vent sorry--

[Ilovehim89]

So the little issue i have been having with James about the hitting, I have put a status on Facebook so someone can give me their advice on what to do....Hes not even 2. So this girl i went to High school with decided she wanted to tell me James needs counseling and another girl commented it and said James is just a baby/little boy and he doesnt talk or anything, counseling is not the answer and i responded with agreement...well the mean girl said "Well I didn't know how old he was but when you have a baby you need to be able to control your older child at all times. Nuff said" and I said " Listen, Sarah, I do control my dang son. I have been doing everything i can. Now, dont tell me how to parent my kids, All i was asking was ADVICE on how to get it to STOP without having to do anything like counseling. So little miss Sarah, b4 you comment on someones post...have a little respect and stop saying i do not control my son. Are you here??? No you arent" and my friend said "he's a child...A YEAR OLD...he isn't old enough to understand things...what can a counselor do that she can't? It's not like James is gonna start talking to her, or like the counselor can understand him...he'll adjust eventually...he just needs time...it's easy for us to say what we'll do but until you are in that situation you can't tell her what she should do...." the mean girl said "Yeah, well my daughter just turned two and she is well behaved and knows what time out time is. You're the ones who were making fun of my good advice when I was only trying to help, but obviously my methods are better so good luck! " and my response was " I wasnt making fun of your advice. I was clearly stating my son is a BABY too young for counseling. and My son knows he isnt supposed to do it....does that stop him, no. I put him in time out...it doesnt work. YOU ARE NOT HERE TO TELL ME HOW MY PARENTING SKILLS ARE!!! SO DO NOT..DO NOT SAY I DO NOT CONTROL MY SON!" well after that...she took me off her friends list which is actually GREAT because leaves less work for me to do it myself....but I am so LIVID that this girl told me to control my son when she is 3000 miles away and shes not here to see my parenting skills which are FINE. I am not the only one to have a problem with their kids going thru the hitting phase...I almost cried because of her comment...but it kinda makes me laugh because I know she doesnt know whats going on. Her daughter doesnt have a sibling and she acts like she is a PERFECT parent...but I am sorry...no matter how good of a parent you are....no body is perfect!

rant over.

 

[Nikkinoonoo]

 

[OmarsMum]

Big hugs hun,

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

I don't know how you would give an under 2 counselling anyway, what a daft thing to say

 

[Ilovehim89]

I don't know how you would give an under 2 counselling anyway, what a daft thing to say

Exactly! I thought the same thing when I read it and actually just ignored her comment until she decided she wanted to comment rudely after I responded to my other friends response about how I agree that he is too young for counseling

 

[kiwimama]

What a silly little girl she is. Obviously doesn't know anything about children.

 

[andbabymakes3]

That's bonkers. How do you give a toddler counselling?! I can barely get Holly to eat her greens, let alone sit down and discuss her innermost feelings with me

Silly cow, she's done you a massive favour deleting you from her friends list. Just rest safe in the knowledge that although she may have the 'perfect' two year old, at some point it will bite her in the ass. ALL kids go through shaky patches - whether its terrible one's, two's, three's, fours...

Your boy does not need counselling. And if he does, then most of us in this section need to send our LO's along with him - they all act up from time to time, if you ever need any ressurance that you are not alone, read through the earlier threads on here.

Keep your chin up x

 

[Lightworker]

Haha smugness always precedes a fall she will come to realize that one day.

 

[Ratty]

Sorry, but from reading your post, you were actually being quite rude and defensive.

She said counselling not knowing the age. You asked for advice, she tried to give it. If its the wrong advice fine. Saying that you need to control your son i.e not have him hit the baby is very important. I don't think she was saying your a bad parent. I think then you really overreacted.

Sorry, but thats just the way I read it.

 

[baileybram]

I can see why it upset you but i do kind of aggree with Ratty the problem is when you ask for advice it might not be the response you wanted. As for counselling under 2 i dont think it would work but most kids go through a hitting stage and you sometimes just have to do your best until they grow out of it my son is 28 months and he went through it and you couldnt have met a more gentle boy hes grown out of it after a month or so but everything is NO now it drives me insane but i know soon it will pass.

 

[redpoppy]

Sorry, but from reading your post, you were actually being quite rude and defensive.

She said counselling not knowing the age. You asked for advice, she tried to give it. If its the wrong advice fine. Saying that you need to control your son i.e not have him hit the baby is very important. I don't think she was saying your a bad parent. I think then you really overreacted.

Sorry, but thats just the way I read it.

If a poster is upset and comes on here for support which I think is obviously what this poster has done I think it's better to not post than write something like this. She isn't here for a debate. Just my opinion.

And someone informing you your child needs counselling when she obviously doesn't know you well enough to know how old your child is and then to declare that you must control your child without offering help on how which is what was wanted and insinuating you are a bad parent because her little two year old is angelic is not only smug but it's also outside of the bounds of a normal interaction with someone you don't know well enough to be aware how old their child is.

We as mums go through very isolating and tough days and many times just come on here to vent and rant and to get a little support or a listening ear. I also think the poster overreacted but it's easy to do when someone isn't being helpful, when you've had a tough day and when someone then has go at your parenting.

 

[Ratty]

redPoppy, my opinion was that she overreacted, I don't think the girl was trying to be mean. The reason I posted was that she could have lost a friend now. Sometimes people read things different, or when they write things that don't come out the way they are supposed to. I've almost lost a best friend because of an email that was misunderstood.

We all become very defensive if we even think someone is saying something bad about our kids. I know I do and I know I also can overreact and say things I regret later. Its normal for mums to do that.

P.S If I post on a forum, I want honest answers, not just people who I don't know giving me sympathy.

 

[andbabymakes3]

Hmm, if someone said this to me

Yeah, well my daughter just turned two and she is well behaved and knows what time out time is. You're the ones who were making fun of my good advice when I was only trying to help, but obviously my methods are better so good luck!

then I wouldn't really want them as a friend.

If someone told me Holly needed counselling, I'm afraid I would have reacted the same. Actually, I wouldn't - I would have just deleted them straight off the bat.

Talk about smug. 'I'm a better parent than you because my child behaves'. OP, for what it's worth, I don't think you overreacted at all.

 

[redpoppy]

redPoppy, my opinion was that she overreacted, I don't think the girl was trying to be mean. The reason I posted was that she could have lost a friend now. Sometimes people read things different, or when they write things that don't come out the way they are supposed to. I've almost lost a best friend because of an email that was misunderstood.

We all become very defensive if we even think someone is saying something bad about our kids. I know I do and I know I also can overreact and say things I regret later. Its normal for mums to do that.

P.S If I post on a forum, I want honest answers, not just people who I don't know giving me sympathy.

You're obviously entitled to your view and to express your opinion on a public forum as that's where the poster posted. I just think there may have been a gentler way to suggest she may be losing a friend and perhaps a little awareness that the OP seems (and this is written on the internet so I may interpret it wrongly) to simply be wanting to get her anger out and "vent".

A lot of the time when people want lots of opinions they will ask if they were wrong or ask for feedback instead of ranting or venting angrily.

I realise different people have different criteria for friends but someone whose most helpful comment is that you need to be able to control your older child at all times probably isn't going to be winning any emptahy, sympathy or helpful advice awards from where I am. Plus, someone who doesn't know the age of your children probably isn't a close friend.

I don't mean this to be an attack on you it's just that as a mums forum I think many times women come on here to get stuff out and what they really need is a friend who lives next door who they can go round to and have a quick hot drink and rage about how they're upset because someone's been mean or upset them but many of us aren't lucky enough to have that. When I feel mums are trying to do that and it happens a lot then when a poster comes on giving another POV which is a fair and valid thing sometimes it feels like they're not listening to the hurt expressed. Sometimes we just need a hug.

 

[Ilovehim89]

Sorry, but from reading your post, you were actually being quite rude and defensive.

She said counselling not knowing the age. You asked for advice, she tried to give it. If its the wrong advice fine. Saying that you need to control your son i.e not have him hit the baby is very important. I don't think she was saying your a bad parent. I think then you really overreacted.

Sorry, but thats just the way I read it.

I didnt get defensive, she did when i agreed with the other girl and then said her advice was better and that I need to control my son...and is on my FACEBOOK and sees my sons pics and my status'...she should know my sons age by now when shes been on there since he was less than a year and i did take your comment as rude....if you dont agree or have anything nice to say, then its simple, dont post. I didnt come here to get a debate and have someone tell me I was being rude or defensive when you werent there for the whole fight....I came on here to VENT