Do you ever wonder...?

[Kimiw]

Do you ever wonder why we long for a child so bad? I have been trying with my DH for 6 years and during those years this thought crosses my mind. Whatever our reasons are, we want them and with such a longing desire so therefore we deserve to have our chance right? I had a friend tell me a few days ago, "are you sure you really want one of these (as she points to her young children)? They are messy, expensive, needy, annoying and you give up your freedom for them." I asked her, "would you trade them in for your freedom?" She was quick to reply, "not for the world! Those kids are my life, I could not imagine life without them!"

Ok, so back to the original point she was trying to pitch my way. I don't think she was expecting me to ask a question like that, and it took her completely off gaurd. I know our loved ones try and make us feel better by down playing everything. They try to make it seem like we are the lucky ones because we are not tied down like they are but when it comes down to it, they love their children unconditionally and could not imagine life without them.

That is why we push everyday to have our children, while our loved ones pitty us, I don't think infertlity has made me weak, if anything it has made me stronger knowing someday, some way, I will have a family.

I just wanted to write this to see how you ladies felt on the subject. Have you ever sat and thought about the reasons for you wanting a child? Do loved ones around you play the "your lucky" card? What are your feelings ladies?

 

[Chatnoir]

I do often think this. Especially when people say how over populated the world is. But I think it is a natural instinct to want a child, and your own child! Yes they are hard work but they also bring alot of joy (hopefully) I just cannot imagine not having children, regardless of how much hard they are xx

 

[Kimiw]

I agree, I guess the human population would end if we did not have the desire to reproduce huh? lol

 

[rooster100]

Hi! I have only been TTC for 14 months and i have no idea why i want a child so badly....i often wonder when im in the supermarket and i hear a child screaming or i go on a holiday or great night out...why would i want a child.
I guess its part of being a woman, you have a natural instinct to want to reproduce. I started to get a real urge to have a child when i was 28 (im 30 now)
I also think when your in love with someone (married or with a partner) then you want to make a perfect baby with them, a baby that only the two of you can make and no one else, a little person thats half you and half the person you love so much.
Does that all make sense. I have to say though this ttc is hard work, it frightens me to think you have been ttc for 6 years...thats just awful you poor love
Have you ever got pregnant in those 6 years? I have managed twice but lost them both.xx

 

[Kimiw]

I have had a couple of M/C's but I never knew I was pregnant until I was M/C them. And even at that, that was what the doctor "thinks" happend, there was no way to confirm because it was so early on, they only thing they could go off of was my HCG being super low (4) than to 0.

 

[Kimiw]

Hi! I have only been TTC for 14 months and i have no idea why i want a child so badly....i often wonder when im in the supermarket and i hear a child screaming or i go on a holiday or great night out...why would i want a child.
I guess its part of being a woman, you have a natural instinct to want to reproduce. I started to get a real urge to have a child when i was 28 (im 30 now)
I also think when your in love with someone (married or with a partner) then you want to make a perfect baby with them, a baby that only the two of you can make and no one else, a little person thats half you and half the person you love so much.
Does that all make sense. I have to say though this ttc is hard work, it frightens me to think you have been ttc for 6 years...thats just awful you poor love
Have you ever got pregnant in those 6 years? I have managed twice but lost them both.xx

LOL that is how it is with me and DH. We will go out and have a wonderful evening and can't help but think if we were parents we may not have had that night. Or when we go to the store there is a young child having a temper tantrum and screaming we can't help but be thankful that we don't have to deal with it. I think you are right, it is just part of being a woman and having the desire to reproduce and be a mother. I too am 30, I can't believe I started trying since I was 24 and now I am 30...wow, I really hope it happends some day...

 

[MrsAttard]

Hi! I have only been TTC for 14 months and i have no idea why i want a child so badly....i often wonder when im in the supermarket and i hear a child screaming or i go on a holiday or great night out...why would i want a child.
I guess its part of being a woman, you have a natural instinct to want to reproduce. I started to get a real urge to have a child when i was 28 (im 30 now)
I also think when your in love with someone (married or with a partner) then you want to make a perfect baby with them, a baby that only the two of you can make and no one else, a little person thats half you and half the person you love so much.
Does that all make sense. I have to say though this ttc is hard work, it frightens me to think you have been ttc for 6 years...thats just awful you poor love
Have you ever got pregnant in those 6 years? I have managed twice but lost them both.xx

I totally agree with what you said about the effect of being with someone. When you love someone so deeply, you just know that the half-you/half-them little person will be amazing. The perfect combination that's completes your family.

I think I've wondered a lot of why I (we) want a child so hard. Growing up I was never someone that dreamed of some day being a mother. I often said that I'd rather adopt, which I would do now if it weren't so difficult and expensive to do. I think part of the reason is bc of the infertility, and feeling like the choice was somehow taken away from me. I want to cry right now thinking, "I finally found the perfect man....but the opportunity to have a child with him has been taken away?!"

I told my friend about this, and she thinks that we're only trying bc of the 'challenge' of it, but it's certainly not a competition that anyone would willingly engage in! It's difficult to truly explain the pain in your hear; the longing you feel. My biological clock isn't just ticking.....it's an alarm going off now! And some day, her alarm will go off too, and I only hope that she won't after to suffer through what we all do.

 

[Pinkie 33]

For me its like Rooster said, it would be a natural extention of me and DP. I've not been with anyone who I thought deserved to be the father of my children until now (hence I'm 33 and the clock is ticking!), but now I have that perfect man its so incredibly hard to achieve.

I'm trying to stay positive that it will happen for us. I'm nervous that once we get started on the assisted conception rollercoaster, we could be in for some real tests of our relationship but I know we are strong enough.

 

[mum.of.one xx]

stay strong ladies!!!! not wanting to step on any ones toes or upset anyone but i have a little boy and i still get to have my odd night out and enjoy it even more because i dont do it that often so when i do go out i have a really good time
As for the temper tantrums it all depends on how you wish to deal with it i find it a tad stressful at times but generally its quite easy to calm him down
you all deserve the chance and experience of being mothers!!
WISHING YOU ALL THE VERY BEST XXX

 

[Kimiw]

yeah, it's so crazy. I guess I can say that I didn't exactally dream of being a mom growing up either. It just became a desire after meeting the man that I wanted to be with for the rest of my life and making him a father. It is this uncontrolable desire to create a life together with my DH. A little person that is half him and half me. It is all so crazy!

 

[mum.of.one xx]

i know that feeling rather well my son was to another man when i was 16!!
now that im older and have met the man of my dreams i want to give him the chance to go through the whole thing from the pregnancy to the next 18 years+
but having no luck atm,not going to give up but we will all get there all we need is a little hope and alot of support!!!

 

[readyformore]

I have thought about this a lot lately.

I really feel that this maternal drive is how we populated the earth. If we didn't want kids, we wouldn't have continued as a species. Maybe that's why sex feels so good too, so we'll keep having babies! Sex feels good, we feel driven to have kids, so we take over the earth.

My brother and SIL have choosen to live child free. She asked me one day why I wanted kids. She wasn't being mean and she absolutely adores children, but she really didn't understand. I told her that I felt the need to have a child just like I feel the need to eat, sleep, and breath. It's just part of my physiology. It was then that I realized that people can feel so differently about all of this. She feels no need at all, and I feel like my maternal drive is plaguing me. It's haunted me since I was 2 and now it's like a curse I can't shake.

I have sometimes wondered about why some women deal better with infertility than others. Maybe they are just better able to manage the disappointment. Maybe they have better support systems. Or perhaps, they don't really have a tremendous drive to have a child, like my SIL. And that's no insult to anyone here; but I have 2 coworkers that took 9 and 10 years to have their second and third child and they act like it's not a big deal. For me, IT IS A BIG DEAL!! I really think that they were just more ambivalent about having children than I am. Our maternal drives are different.

We are all different people, so I think that makes sense that we all feel driven to do different things. But I do really feel that the drive to have kids is as natural as wanting to have a drink of water.

 

[Pinkie 33]

But I do really feel that the drive to have kids is as natural as wanting to have a drink of water.

Really nicely put

 

[2have4kids]

When I first met my OH and asked him his picture perfect future dream, it was to gather kis wife & kids up and sail them to a secluded island for a picnic...I was sold immediately. My dream vision has always been to have lots of family dinners with giggles and discussion about world events with lots of our children, like 4 of them! Kids have the best answers and imaginations if you just dive into chatter.
I can totally relate to all the girls here wanting to see the both of you in one cute little bundle of love.

 

[tamithomas]

For me I've known exactly why I've wanted a LO since I was 14 (don't worry, already had the brains to know it was a no no until I was of age and ready in every shape possible). It's to satisfy my maternal instinct, I always yearn to take care of someone or something at all times. I have one dog, one cat and two birds. They all love me to tears, heck I share my pillow with my dog. I'm so tired of hearing "wow, you treat your animals so amazingly.. I can only imagine when you'll be a mother. You'll be wonderful!" I wish the day would come already when I'll hear "you ARE such a great mother". To look into their eyes and know they're a part of me, with the bond that only a mother and a child can have.

I also want a child more than anything because I know DH will be a wonderful father. If our kid is anything like their father, they will be magnificent.

Corny I know, but it's fact.

 

[laustiredttc]

hey girls i hope you dont mind me jumping in?

i have always known i wanted to be a mum but felt that i needed to have stability and be in a loving relationship before i started to try. Now i am and 14 months in its becoming a dark cloud that seems to be hanging over us.

I sat and thought to myself the other day, could i live a life without children? My answer to myself was i really really dont want to but how long am i going to travel along this journey? Honestly i dont think that i can keep going forever 'until i have one' so i thought i might have to seriously consider a life without a child. and i think i can handle it because i love my dh and i just want us to be happy, with or without a child.

I know in my heart that if it doesnt happen there will always be a hole that will never go away though!!

 

[vermeil]

I can so relate! At 34 I had decided that`s it, I would be a hardened bacherolette and would wholy enjoy my full, busy single life. then BOOM met the love of my life. There`s just something about creating a new life that has his cheeks and your eyes. I LOOOOOOOOOOOVE being a mom SOOOOO much, I realize now it`s a vocation for me. I think I would have been happy staying single (and childless). But being a mom is just natural for me. Our son had a really rocky start, we were told he would be severely handicapped and now at two he`s perfectly normal (so far) so perhaps that contributes to how special he feels to us (see pics in my sig, not for the faint of heart)

I just have sooooo much love to give a child. One just isn`t nearly enough. I feel I am so obsessively in love with my son I`m afraid of smothering him. We`ve been ttc #2 for almost a year now, 40 has hit and I feel like I might have to settle for one. It`s heartbreaking though. I do think a second child will happen for us, trying really hard to keep positive.

I have friends who have been ttc their first for 6 years. Now I feel like I can understand a little bit how they feel. We are truly, absolutely blessed to have a son. But if I had known 15 years ago how amazing this was, I wonder what if I had 'settled' for one of those nice guys and had a huge, happy family.

I will happen for us ladies

 

[RCAFWife]

Why DO we want a baby so badly? I was asking myself this question just this week and couldn't come up with a reason other than it is innate. I think it's a natural urge just like you all have said. What are the odds that we find the loves of our lives, who we desperately want to have children with, and then have such a hard time conceiving? I am very thankful for my DH even if that is all I have in this life I find that the longer we ttc, the more our love grows for each other and I'm thankful for that, because maybe once it's overflowing, we'll have a LO to give this abundance of love to! I'm getting so sentimental, but I can't help it because it's all I have left now haha!
I wish you all the best of luck on your ttc journeys and hope you don't have much longer to wait for you BFPs! You are an amazing bunch of women; very strong and hopeful and positive! Don't forget that, no matter what!

 

[Kimiw]

I loved reading everybody's thoughts, and it seems that we all agree on one thing, it is natural to want a child for the sake of reproducing. When I originally started this thread I was thinking about it all day. DH and I spent 6 years ttc and I got to thinking "WOW, we have put so much time and effort into bringing a baby into our lives...WHY?" We want to be parents, and just recently I thought we finally got or turn, which, I guess we did but it was short lived because I lost the baby at 6 weeks. But, now I long for it even more that I had a taste, a very small taste but enough to know I really, really want it. Thank you all for your input, this was a lovely disscussion and fun too. Feel free to keep adding to it!

 

[Nightnurse]

I do know exactly why I want them I have literally a lot of neices,nephews and greats and they are crazy over me I am like the second mom /coolest aunty and am always with one or the other the only thing I havent done is breastfeed,I did the late nights.early mornings,potty training,tantrums,school,learning i've done it all,my new nephew is now 7mths old so i'm kinda all doing it from scratch so I have a pretty good idea whats ahead of me and DARN IT ALL,I WANT IT,

I have a BFF (sorta) who has 4 kids,no job,no father figure for any of them,keeps sleeping around ,having mental break downs getting pregnant and terminating them some of them close persons to her have told me about but she didnt but yet she envies me that I have so much freedom and am so happy,although she know that we are struggling to TTC and she is supportive of it but yet gets rid of hers???