Do you ever...

[Blue12]

Some might consider this a chance to vent feelings and fears, others may consider this a game.

Here are just a couple thoughts that keep running through my head some valid, some crazy, but nonetheless they are in my freaking head.

Do you ever feel like what you are going through is all just a dream, and that you have been making this all up in your head, and that soon you are going to wake up and end up pregnant next try?

Do you ever feel like you are so sick of your own infertility story? You are sick of the details and sick of the endless bad news and negativity that it includes.

Do you ever feel like you just want to scream? And........maybe if you scream as hard and loud as you can that maybe just maybe the unfairness will be righted?

Do you ever feel like you are going to be childless for the rest of your life? That you will be stuck living a life of pure adulthood, adult events, and pure seriousness and no silly fun.

Do you ever feel like you are stuck on an island away from the rest of the "normal" world where everyone else exists? And you are waiting to get to that better place.

Do you ever fear that the grass will have only looked greener on that island?

Do you ever fear the judgement of others and the judgement you might put on yourself?

Do you ever wonder or question if you weren't meant to have children?

 

[Angie33]

i feel a lot like them exsamples i cry a lot when im alone fear that my oh will leave me if i cant give him a child (he wont but cant help thinkin he will).

 

[Blue12]

Angie I fear that a lot too.

I know he won't leave me,but it still is a thought/feeling/fear I cannot get out of my head either.

 

[Angie33]

Angie I fear that a lot too.

I know he won't leave me,but it still is a thought/feeling/fear I cannot get out of my head either.

ive deen told by fs ive got a 25% chance so it terrifies me. how long have you been ttc?

 

[Kelly9]

I often feel most of those things to... this ttc takes its toll.

What do you mean 25% chance angie33? I thought all "normal" couple have a 20 to 25% chance each month to conceive?

 

[Blue12]

I've been ttc for 3 years.........prior to that I was NTNP for 10 years which was stupid due to my age........but I have been with my Dh for all 13 years.

Anyway I just finally got results of my fertility testing - but they didn't give me OR I didn't ask my chances of conceiving because they said right now with my tube bascially 0%, so once it is removed they will talk about the treatment plan and my chances.


25% sounds pretty good........what are the factors that are getting in the way for you - if you don't mind me asking.

 

[Mynxie]

Do you ever feel fed up with it all and like you're wasting so much of your life on something that may not ever be?

Do you ever get furious with people, for thinking it's their business?

A million thoughts over the past 4 1/2 years TBH.

 

[Blue12]

Thanks for sharing Mynxie.

I know what you mean about the wasting time!!!

Do you ever wonder how long you will try before it will happen or you will give up?

Do you ever wonder if you ever will be able to give up?

Do you ever wonder who you would be or what you would be like without this crazy ltttc?

 

[Blue12]

Do you ever feel so insecure about this that you feel like even the tiniest gust of wind could blow you down?

 

[oliveoyl]

Oh blue, hugs!
Its so tough.
I think a lot of these things, the whole journey makes me feel so insecure.
Some days I feel positive, others so down in the dumps.
It sucks to want something so much, try so hard, and still have no guarantees.
Hoping that your treatment makes the picture look so much brighter for you.xx

 

[Blue12]

Oliveoyl you rock!

I know some days seem so optimistic and some are so dark......

I don't want to bring anyone down........just sometimes want to be honest with myself and all my crazy feelings!!! Sometimes it is hard to identify what makes you feel so sad sometimes. A really great book helps this too - Unsung lullabys.... don't know if anyone has heard of it.

 

[oliveoyl]

No I haven't heard of the book.
That's why I like these forums - its a safe place to vent all these negative feelings and get them out amongst friends so you can face tomorrow with a more positive attitude.
Have you ever seen a counsellor - I'm thinking about it.
xx

 

[Blue12]

Yeah I am totally thinking about it for just myself. Part of me would also like to go with my DH, but he reallllly doesn't want to go, and he isn't going as crazy as me. My fertility clinic will not go ahead with some treatments like ivf without seeing their counsellor - which DH and I have discussed and he will obviously go then.

Thanks again for your continuous support.

 

[x_Rainbow_x]

I feel like nobody gets it.. when i tell them the chance of me having a baby is small they think im joking or ill get over it!

i feel like people think there better than me just because they have summat i dont

 

[Mynxie]

do you ever wish some people would bugger off?

do you ever wish that some people weren't so self absorbed and actaully loved their children and although you're not jealous of them having children, you think fate is a bitch? (personal situation ATM)

do you ever roleplay (sorta like a day dream) in your mind, what things could be like?

do you ever wonder why?

 

[Angie33]

hi blue and all

i had both my tubes unblocked and opened so now i dont have the tiny hairs in my tubes to help eggs through.

Fs also said im at high risk of eptopic and mc so being monitored.

Af due in next few days and think she will turn up

waiting to hear if my cd21 bloods showed ovulation for this month so totaly in the dark whats happening should hear something tomorrow hopfully.

angie

 

[CareBear]

Some might consider this a chance to vent feelings and fears, others may consider this a game.

Here are just a couple thoughts that keep running through my head some valid, some crazy, but nonetheless they are in my freaking head.

Do you ever feel like what you are going through is all just a dream, and that you have been making this all up in your head, and that soon you are going to wake up and end up pregnant next try?

Do you ever feel like you are so sick of your own infertility story? You are sick of the details and sick of the endless bad news and negativity that it includes.

Do you ever feel like you just want to scream? And........maybe if you scream as hard and loud as you can that maybe just maybe the unfairness will be righted?

Do you ever feel like you are going to be childless for the rest of your life? That you will be stuck living a life of pure adulthood, adult events, and pure seriousness and no silly fun.

Do you ever feel like you are stuck on an island away from the rest of the "normal" world where everyone else exists? And you are waiting to get to that better place.

Do you ever fear that the grass will have only looked greener on that island?

Do you ever fear the judgement of others and the judgement you might put on yourself?

Do you ever wonder or question if you weren't meant to have children?

Quite simply yes! Apart from this bit:

Do you ever feel like you are going to be childless for the rest of your life? That you will be stuck living a life of pure adulthood, adult events, and pure seriousness and no silly fun.

I have silly fun with my DH and I have recently got a puppy which helps, for example yesterday I sent my DH into town to buy a paddling pool for the puppy que silly water fun! Plus I was quite a serious child so I found my early adult years were a lot more fun

 

[Blue12]

Do you ever feel like you are going to be childless for the rest of your life? That you will be stuck living a life of pure adulthood, adult events, and pure seriousness and no silly fun.

I have silly fun with my DH and I have recently got a puppy which helps, for example yesterday I sent my DH into town to buy a paddling pool for the puppy que silly water fun! Plus I was quite a serious child so I found my early adult years were a lot more fun[/QUOTE]

I know I am a very silly person - I teach 5-7 year olds and I am really silly, and I got two puppies I am silly with, and I am silly with dh, but the dream to be silly with your own little ones................................or things like christmas morning........we pretend the dogs are children and spoil them but you know....

We actually have stockings for the puppies and we wrap gifts and put them under the tree for the puppies.haha

 

[chefamy1122]

My answer is YES to... well pretty much all of those questions.

 

[Blue12]

It sucks to know that we basically all feel the same, but it is nice to know what we are feeling is "normal" if there is such a thing.

Best wishes.