Do you put your childrens needs before yours?

[meganliz11]

I was just reading the posts on another site, and this woman admits that "i am a selfish mom and know it..and dont care. my needs come first, my daughter's needs second. If I have a nail appointment, i do that before taking her to the park. she is so energetic and needs a lot of attention :/ my daughter knows this and still loves me. my confession for the day. "
Why in the HELL do you have a daughter? Spreading your legs and popping out a baby does NOT make you a mom. Im still only pregnant and I already put her FIRST. For example, if I go to the mall and only have enough money for a couple things, I want my nails done, but my daughter NEEDS maybe diapers or something, I will get what she needs, my damn nails are not more important than my little girl. When my baby is born she'll come first until the day I die.

 

[jozylynn896]

I agree with you.
My mother always put me and my sisters first.
I know I will always put my sons needs first. If i need shoes, and he needs shoes. Hes getting them first.

Its disgusting to do that. My aunt raised my cousin putting them second. Its disgusting and not being a good parent.

 

[Shell...xxx]

I totally agree with you, if you are big and clever enough to have a baby then you are big and clever enough to realise that the needs of your children will always be put before your own, it's a part of being a mother, complete selflessness. xx

 

[magic93]

That is so disgusting!
Honestly if you end up pregnant, you have to be able to accept the consequences, and age is irrelevent if you will not sacrifice putting your needs first for the sake of your child then why bring one into the world. The child is the one who suffers when they never asked to be born!
I truly believe if anybody is not ready to be a parent which obviously means putting your child first, then they should really get an abortion or adoption cuz its not fair to the baby!
And I dont think thats something that has to do with how you were raised, but thats jus my opinion.

 

[snowfia]

I don't get how someone can put themselves before their kids, but that's my opinion.
If LO needs more clothes, nappies, food etc, I'm gonna get that before anything else for me. I can survive going without, but she can't go without food or nappies.

 

[ClairAye]

I don't understand how?
If I was ever skint I'd buy a tub of formula or nappies, wipes, food for my son first before even thinking about buying food for myself. I can suffer being hungry, he can't. That's awful.

 

[fieryphoenix]

It depends on if its a need or a want, you can't give kids every last thing they want, they will be spoiled rotten. In your example you gave about going to the nail appt before going to the the park, my first thought is so what? She is taking the kid to the park, just having her wait 30minutes isnt exactly child abuse, more like teaching her to take turns really lol just my two cents

 

[meganliz11]

That's not my example, that's her whole statement.

 

[meganliz11]

Not if you try not to if it's something bad, some people are raised very well and end up trashy. I will NEVER raise my kid how my mom did.

 

[xx~Lor~xx]

Always.

I don't think I have once made my decision whereby their needs came after my own. I don't spend money on myself, not unless I can completely justify buying something. They never go without, that is myself and my partners responsibility as parents to make sure they are top priority, happy and healthy.

 

[x__amour]

Always and forever. She depends on me.

 

[MrsEngland]

my girls definitely come first! They have done from the time that i found out i was pregnant with them.

 

[Kaileymonster]

What a pathetic excuse of a mother.... talk about flinging someone up!!

I've eaten my son's left overs before now.. your babies come first. It shouldn't even have to be thought of!

 

[kit10grl]

The woman wasnt talking sbout letting her kid go hungry to get her nails done so not sure why people are focussing on spending money. Occasionally mums NEED to put themselves first and have me time to be able to be better mothers. if taking an hour to get her nails done recharges the womans batteies and enables her to cope with being a mother then why is that a big deal?

 

[Kaileymonster]

The woman wasnt talking sbout letting her kid go hungry to get her nails done so not sure why people are focussing on spending money. Occasionally mums NEED to put themselves first and have me time to be able to be better mothers. if taking an hour to get her nails done recharges the womans batteies and enables her to cope with being a mother then why is that a big deal?

I think people are just using that as an example, I completely agree with you though. Yes we need time out and if you can afford to go get your nails done then why the hell not?! BUT to choose to put your child second and not do things because "your needs come first" is pretty damned awful!

 

[meganliz11]

The woman wasnt talking sbout letting her kid go hungry to get her nails done so not sure why people are focussing on spending money. Occasionally mums NEED to put themselves first and have me time to be able to be better mothers. if taking an hour to get her nails done recharges the womans batteies and enables her to cope with being a mother then why is that a big deal?

She clearly wrote "My needs come first, my daughters needs come second." THAT sounds like something she does ALL the time, not just to get her damn nails done. In her post she replied, " Just because she's my kid doesn't mean I have to automatically put her first, i've always been put first and that's how it'll stay. She can wait whenever she needs something." SO im pretty sure that's what she meant.

 

[kit10grl]

The woman wasnt talking sbout letting her kid go hungry to get her nails done so not sure why people are focussing on spending money. Occasionally mums NEED to put themselves first and have me time to be able to be better mothers. if taking an hour to get her nails done recharges the womans batteies and enables her to cope with being a mother then why is that a big deal?

She clearly wrote "My needs come first, my daughters needs come second." THAT sounds like something she does ALL the time, not just to get her damn nails done. In her post she replied, " Just because she's my kid doesn't mean I have to automatically put her first, i've always been put first and that's how it'll stay. She can wait whenever she needs something." SO im pretty sure that's what she meant.

The way shes phrased it yeh it sounds childish and immature and selfish. So if she had said I plan to have a child who fits into my routine i dont expect to give up the things i want to do to make my life revolve round my baby would that sit better with everyone?

Just amazes me sometimes how quick everyone is to judge a person as a mother based on a snap shot of their life when you cant know for sure whats going on in her life at that exact second. I said some pretty awful things in the heat of the moment due to PND about never wanting to see my son ever again doenst mean i actually meant it. It irks me because i KNOW people judge my parenting based of snapshots of my life.

Ie when i take my son to waterbabies some weeks and people ask where my daughter is and i tell them she is in hospital, they look all horrified. Like how could i possibly be at a swimming lesson when my baby is in hospital i must be a shit mother who doesnt love her baby.

Generally i tend not to stop and explain how my baby has been n and out of hospital for six months and my toddler deserves a life too, his special time alone with mummy is his half hour lesson in the pool, he loves it and it cheers us both up. So yes my sick baby in hospitals needs come below what i want to do. I hate ppl thinking they can judge me for that.

 

[Kaileymonster]

Oh with PND I wanted my son adopted and everything!! it's an awful thing!

I personally would never judge someone for doing stuff whilst their kids in hospital, everyone needs some respite.

I think it's the fact that it was something so "Trivial" as getting her nails done.

 

[jozylynn896]

I think its okaybto say someone who says that their childs needs will come second is a bad parent in the aspect.
Yeah sometimes we need a break butbto say "I'm a selfish person and my childs needs come second"?
Thats pretty clear that the child comes second!

 

[jozylynn896]

This is conpletely different then your daughter being in hispital, I'm sorry to hear btw. Hope shes doing fine.
You have other children who you also have to care for, make happy.
Now of your daughter and son we're both out, and wanted to.go to waterbabies would you say no because you had to get your nails done?