Do you think it changed you?

sarahhoney

Mummy to Dylan
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Ok this is going to sound a bit silly.... I had a mc at the beginning of February and I've finally gotten back a :bfn: thank goodness.

My DH was fantastic with the mc and I couldn't have asked for more. However he has an extrememly busy job at the moment, so he's working all the time and most of the time he's away at least 3 nights a week.

I'm ok with that but my brain suddenly feels a little messed up, now this could have absolutely nothing with the mc and it could just be me! I so want another baby but he is never home so ttc right now is a bit of a nightmare. I'm also doing slimming world which normally I sink into the routine of but this time I'm struggling with it. I'm also finding myself wanting to go out and let my hair down a bit more, I've always loved a night out but suddenely I feel a real need to go out and dance!

I'm hoping that I'll go out on the weekend, let my hair down and have some fun! I'm just a bit of a control freak and I feel out of control and not being able to control my body is an added stress.

I was just wondering if this was anyone elses reaction? I haven't really got mega upset and I was wondering if this is the way my emotions are coming out of me?
 
My first mc i had days of feeling alone and then followed by days of just living life to the full. The second mc, i went wild, danced and drank every day. But it was christmas. It's allowed. I think it's survival instinct. Xx
 
Thanks didn't want to seem insensitive by posting this. I'm devastated about losing this baby but for some reason this is how my head and heart wants to react.
 
I've changed and feel the loss far more deeply than I thought. I m/c'd on 5 Feb and we have been desperately trying again, to no avail. For some reason, before the pregnancy we talked about a baby but didn't obsess. Now I find it's all I think about and want more than anything. It changed me in that way whereas before I used to have plans and find joy in lots of things. Now I can't find anything good anymore and it seems like one big pressure cooker to get pregnant again as soon as possible.

In my heart, I find I have changed on a fundamental level and my DH wants back the woman that he fell in love with, the one who didn't worry about everything.
 
I was similar to you. I had my miscarriage at the end of December. It was a mmc so I found out at my 12 week scan. That night when I went home, I just bought 2 bottles of wine and 20 fags. It didn't stop me from feeling the sadness that I did but it did help. I just wanted to do all the things that I'd been missing out on while pregnant, i.e. drinking and smoking and enjoying myself. This has died down for me. Maybe you want to go out all the time and enjoy yourself to try and make the sadness that you feel disappear. Just remember, you shouldn't bottle up your feelings. They come out in the end xxx
 
Exactly what i did in december. I came home from my last scan at the hospital, confirmed miscarriage. I then smoked like a chimney and got wrecked in the pub. No tears passed those eyes that night, i had cried enough.
 
I know exactly what you mean, I had a MC last Jan, and although was obviously gutted, I went out got raving drunk, did my CBT test to ride a Motorbike and went out partying alot more than usual. For some reason, I didnt grieve or cry an awful lot. I dont know whether this is right or wrong, and when I read other ladies posts I always felt like I was wrong, and I must have been a hard cow for not being the same, but I learned that we all deal in different ways, and there is no right and wrong.

**Hugs**
Claire
 
when i had my first miscarriage i went to the park and sat for a while and then i asked my partners mum to take me to the pub for a drink. My partner was abroad at the time so it was equally hard to deal with things. my dear friends then picked me up and took me home, made me tea and we drank some more wine. i decided i needed another drink so walked to the local shop, but they were closing. I broke down in front of the shop and they thought i had a problem with drugs!!! It wasn't because they were closed but because it was an end to an awful day and i didn't know how else to cope with it. i haven't been back to the shop since - i felt embarresed x
 

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