Do your ex's bother with the kids?

[tallybee]

That's so true tallyb, my kids are perfectly happy without their useless father around. I have a feeling my ex will be very much like yours, my two are only little and it's already been 6 months since he saw them. He's got in contact this week saying he can't bare not seeing them any more and tried telling me he wanted them Wednesday and Thursday this week, well I work and they are in nursery so I said no, he has to have them on a day I'm not working, so if he lets us down (which I have no doubt he will) then at least I won't have to call in sick for work. So he's said he can't make it any other day but I'm not rearranging to suit him coz I gave him chance to choose his day months ago and he kept cancelling and I had no choice but to put them in nursery.

How do you guys cope if and when your exes try to see them? Do you let them choose when? He makes me feel like the bad guy and like I'm stopping him seeing them but I feel that he can't just come along after 6 months of not bothering and decide he wants to see them on a day they go to nursery.

Don't let him make you feel like the bad guy, I have seen your threads and it seems to me you have been more than reasonable. Your ex sounds like he just wants to call the shots and only bother when it suits him, which makes him a flake at absolute best (I'm sure we can all think of more colourful words )

If he wants to see them he will speak to you in an adult conversation and sort out a mutually suitable day/time. Why do they have to make it so hard it's that simple.

The only way to deal with it is to keep your cool (easier said than done of course) and stick to facts. They always try to raise the emotion so we react (mine does anyway) and then they point the finger at us for being hysterical/unreasonable/etc. And keep a journal/log of every piece of contact, every call, text, email, visit, missed visit, etc etc. If anything it helps you keep sane in the knowledge that you DID try and WERE reasonable (also if you need the legal route it will be invaluable)

x

 

[baileybubs]

Thanks Hun, it is true they do try to raise the emotions. Last night he spoke to me on the phone (he never phones or answers my calls so I haven't actually spoke to him for 6 months it's all been facebook messages!) and he tried laying on the guilt by saying he cries coz he hasn't seen them and he's always saying to his girlfriend that he needs to put money aside for the kids etc. But actions speak louder than words don't they? I've never said he can't see them at all, in fact up until 4-5 months ago I was virtually begging him to come and see them! I just want him to be reasonable and realise I can't take them out of nursery to suit him, he had a chance to have them one day a week on a day of his choosing but he didn't come and let us down so now he has to do it on a day I don't work. He also wants to just take them with him to his new flat when he hasn't even seen them for 6 months and he made me feel bad about that too, but he keeps saying "I want to have them at my flat" "I want to see them on my days off"......key phrase there being "I want" and he doesn't get that it's not about what he wants or what I want, coz I'd love extra time to get to the gym etc if he looked after the kids, but it's about them not us. He just doesn't get it.

I've kept all Facebook messages he's sent in the past where he's cancelled seeing them and let them down, and all our discussions of him seeing them.

Oh but this will make you laugh, he seems to think he'll get a loan shortly (not a chance with his gambling and credit history) but he tells me he's going to give me £800 for the kids and another £200 for me for all the sh*t he's caused apparently. I'll catch the flying pigs on that day I think!

 

[tallybee]

What a prat xx

 

[Natsku]

Maria's dad is a walking contradiction. He is taking me to court for visitation rights yet he doesn't even bother to turn up to her hospital appointment. He calls the social workers complaining I'm stopping him from seeing her (he's welcome to see her supervised) but hasn't called her in two weeks, I've called pretty much every day and he's answered a couple of times but that's it.

 

[tallybee]

I don't know how these guys sleep at night I really don't

 

[RaspberryK]

I don't know how these guys sleep at night I really don't

This is exactly how I feel.

Things have been a bit better for us, still the odd day when we've been let down but it's mainly work which is a more valid reason in my opinion.

Xx

 

[PrincessTaz]

I am so so sorry you're all going through this and sorry for your children.

My mum was a single parent to me and my dad didn't end up being in my life until I was 16 but although it was hard at times for my mum and me I can honestly say now we have the most amazing relationship and I'm so thankful for my mum. She made sure I never missed out and was always there to be mum.and dad when needed. It really is their loss and although now me and my dad have a good relationship she has to live with the fact he missed out in so much which I know plays on his mind.

You're all doing a fantastic job!

 

[baileybubs]

Thanks princess taz xxx

 

[WhisperOfHope]

Lena's dad still sees her but you ask her what she has done with him or will be doing with him and its always the same reply "mcdonalds"

 

[ClairAye]

Raspberry K, I am so glad things have gotten a bit better for you!

 

[newmummy1234]

My ex has nothing to do with my lo but that's how I want it. He's a jerk and I don't want my lo subjecting to that.

 

[ClairAye]

My ex has nothing to do with my lo but that's how I want it. He's a jerk and I don't want my lo subjecting to that.

Sorry to hear that but sometimes, like in my case also, it is for the best!