Hi
Im a 3rd year pedi resident in the states. Yeah, it's nerve wracking. Worst was when i was rotating in the NICU at 22-26 weeks pregnant. I was admitting babies concieved at the same time!
Ive done a lot of research and have a VERY detailed birth plan, including what is to happen with LO. It covers EVERYTHING, I think. what I want to happen if all is auspicious, what I want to happen if various complications arise, even down to certain types of medication that I want/dont want. I think my doc thinks Im a control freak, and I am, but oh well, they can just deal, kwim?
One thing not to do is this: dont scare your OH by telling her everything that can potentially go wrong. However, go to all the appts that you can and ask all the questions you want - your baby too, kwim?
As for not getting too medically involved - well, in my case, it's my body and my baby, so I can (and will...though Im no supposed to) look up my own lab results and such and I will go track down my OB friends to ask questions. I dont suggest doing this for your OH. technically, i could be fired for doing this for MYSELF, but I WOULD be fired if it were for someone else, kwim?
it's kind of strange, actually, everyone assumes I know everything already and that I wont have any questions, which isnt necessarily the case - my OB rotation was only 6 weeks long and it was 5 years ago, so... the one time I did call with a question I got sent straight to L&D (and ended up feeling stupid, as apparantly round ligament pain can be so bad you cant walk, but I didnt know that). Watch out for that attitude, as docs may think that since your OH is married to you, you can answer all her questions.
As for dealing with the anxiety,
Getting to milestones helps. Getting more ultrasounds helps.
13 weeks = much much lower risk of spontaneous loss
around 20 weeks = knowing results of fetal anatomy scan (level II)
24 weeks + 500 grams = potential viability (yeah, not so much for me, i know what happens to those kids, but...)
28+ weeks = viability with the potential to be somewhat normal (finally got there today!)
32 weeks = likely to be neurologically normal
35 weeks = pretty much good to go if born now.
The thing that really scares me is being on the "other side" and being a patient vs being the doctor, kwim? Loss of control.
Star