does anybody still love FOB?

[george83]

Basically me and my husband were happily married and planned on having our baby together. just after i fell pregnant he got involved with drugs through his work and then started not coming home. he admits now it was because i would be able to see what he was doing while the people at work basically didn't care. anyway since our gorgeous baby was born 6 months ago he's not done drugs but sunk into depression and has left us again as recently as last week. even though our relationship has been awful for the past 15 months i just want him back so we can be how we were before he took this job. it's like i hate how he treats us and what he does but i still love who he is underneath.

did anybody else feel this way and yet still manage to move on as a single parent?

 

[dustbunny]

When I first broke up with FOB I had my doubts, I think retrospectively I was expecting him to show me he was mature or he could man up or something... anything he did was half hearted/told to do by others and I found that quite upsetting. I'm not saying I still loved him, I didn't but I still cared. He has since shown his true colours and now I actually hate him.
My point being, in the stage where you think you still have feelings for him, weigh up what is good for you and your baby. The past is sadly the past and it is very easy to look back at things with rose tinted glasses and ignore all the bad times and the things that drove you two apart. I think everyone comes to a stage where enough is enough and only you can decide where that line is.
From an outsiders point of view I think you're better off without him.

 

[Mammy2Joojx]

sorry to hear about how he's been with you i know he's left recently but look on the bright side .. Atleast he's off the drugs

I understand you'd want to be a family but if he's depressed & left recently, is he likely to do it again? If he is, is it worth putting your LO through it all? Sometimes you have to sacrifice your own feelings for your child, as you'll already know

Hope you sort it out either way hun xx

 

[Crumbsx]

Before breaking up with my FOB I failed to see how abusive he was, I had tunnel vision in the way that I only saw the good or what I wanted to see. I kept giving him chance after chance before and after our breakup to try again, because I loved him. I gave him chance after chance to be a good father after my daughter was born, hoping I'd see the man I used to love. But after a while, he did so many bad things and I realised how abusive he was towards me (both when we were together and after we had broke up), the turning point came when he said some horrible things about my daughter. And from that moment, I fell out of love with him. I despise him for how he's behaved and what he's said.

In relation to your situation, you need to think logically; what would you say to a friend in your situation? Do you really think this situation/relationship is a healthy environment for your LO to grow up in? More so, if one day your LO came to you and said exactly what you've told us, what advice would you give? Sometimes you need to take your own advice

From what I've read though, I think you and your LO are better without him. You need to consentrate on yourself and your LO and making a nice happy life for you both.

 

[BadassMom]

I just broke up with my FOB last week. Even though I know it was the right thing to do it still kills me everyday, I miss him so much, and think about him constantly. But Dustbunny is totally right. It's so easy to look back at your relationship with rose colored glasses but in reality your not together for a reason. I'm trying to remember the bad things (which far outweighed the good anyway) when I get really down and remember why it wasn't a healthy relationship. If you ever want to PM me to commiserate feel free.

 

[Dezireey]

I will always love my FOB purely because I owe it to my child to love his father in some respect or at least tell him one day that I did love his dad.

It is extremely difficult to love someone though that treats you badly and that is sometimes what gets to me emotionally. The battle that goes on inside your heart when you love someone but know that you absolutely shouldn't love them. Family and friends all say 'You are better off, he was a loser anyway, we expected him to do this etc, etc, how can you even like someone who leaves you when you are pregnant'. But it doesn't wash away the feelings I have.

I would definitely like a magic potion that stopped me caring, that would be ideal lol

 

[Rhio92]

I've been split up with FOB since September 2010. And I've only very recently stopped loving him and let go x

 

[BadassMom]

I would definitely like a magic potion that stopped me caring, that would be ideal lol

I would pay a fortune for a magic potion that would stop me from loving my FOB, and take the hurt away!

 

[Shezza84uk]

I still love the FOB in fact I am now newly pregnant by him again by him popping up after a few months as he usually does, it makes everyone who cares about me so upset he also walked away 2 weeks before our wedding day and basically character assassinated me to make himself look better and reasons more valid however when he speaks to me he says the opposite despite all that I still love him it nearly a yr since he walked away but pops in and out every couple of months I now know I need to do better for myself and it wont be easy. I try not to give myself a hard time and im hoping I will be happy someday and stop chasing the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow that doesn't exist. The best advice I can give is love yourself more and know your worth do not be like me!! Good luck

 

[teal]

Not anymore.