Does anyone else have a 'difficult' relationship wit their mum?

[beth_terri]

I moved out when I was 16 (well got kicked out), but before then life at home was just awful. I hated both parents I really did. My mums such a control freak and has the worst mood swings ever. We're not close at all. We never go shopping together, we don't hug or anything like that, we don't call each other up just for a chat, I don't even often go round with the kids anymore as we just have nothing to talk about. They aren't the sort of grandparents that enjoy looking after the grand kids so that rarely happens. In fact she made a big deal about looking after my youngest the day my eldest had his operation as it ruined her camping plans.

I had my sons 4th birthday party round at theirs on Saturday, I'd asked if that would be ok as her house and garden is pretty big bad she said that would be fine. On the morning of the party I took my eldest round and all the food. I got everything sorted and put out. I then asked if she could pop a banner on the door whilst i went and picked up my oh, my youngest and the cake. She said that was fine. When I got home I found the dog had escaped so I spent ten mins searching for her. A couple of party guests arrived while I was out looking fir the dog and today a friend told me my mum had been complaining that I'd left her to do everything.

So I text her today just saying fancy telling Laura I left you to do everything at the party. Next thing I get a phone call with her shouting that she never said such a thing. Followed by a massive text saying how ungrateful I am and how I never appreciate anything and she had to tidy the garden and house before the party started and we left her to tidy it all up after. Me and my oh both tidied up after the party so I've no idea what she's on about there, and I didn't even think she would need me to tidy the house and garden before the party knowing that I had all the party food to sort, presents to wrap, decorations to get sorted, and cake to make that I was actually up until 3am finishing.

But now I'm the one in the wrong :/

 

[Boomerslady]

Me and my mum don't get on!!! I did a big thread in home and relationships recently!! She just treats me with complete contempt, everything I do is wrong. I don't bother seeing her anymore and she's hardly ever seen Ben. Don't know what to say in your situation but I know how frustrating it can be.

 

[onetwothreebp]

My mother is my worst enemy.

I would rather slit my throat than turn out anything like her.

 

[lovelylaura]

My mum blows hot and cold and its very hard to deal with.There are 3 of us and every few months one of us will be favourite. When your in the good books its great she will come over every week and see the girls and when I wanted to work a couple more days in the week she baby sat them. But when your not it awful I really hate it she never see's us she came over after a month of not seeing us, and complained that Freya didn't know who she was. She has made a big fuss about watching the girls every other Saturday while I work and organised a bbq with everyone and told me that I had to come basically it was on a Saturday when she knows OH works all day. I don't drive so I cant get there on my own and to point out that she doesn't work and looks after my sisters 4!!! children when ever she wants ,more than twice a week. Yet having 2 that still nap and play quietly with each other is too much.

She is selfish and it drives me mad and she wonders why we all moved out at 17.

 

[hshucksmith]

I mum and I don't get on at all really, apart from on the odd occassion.

She was very selfish when I was growing up, we had no money and she spent any money we did have on tobacco and cannabis, so I was left with one pair of shoes (school shoes) and a bedroom that was falling apart - literally, the plaster was coming off the walls! - and bare floorboards etc. She argued with me a lot and taunted me about being fat, my nickname was 'Gutsache'. I grew up hating myself and body because she told me I had bigger hips than her despite her having 3 kids. When I was 14 I developed severe anorexia and although I lot 1/2 my body weight (literally half) she never offered to take me to a doctor, or tried to get me to eat, she just left me to it and I nearly died. I told her I was sexually abused by her ex-partner and she called me a liar and then used to get drunk and shut me out of the house "until told the truth" (I really was abused, by the way). She met a man with a load of money and we moved in with him so I had to move schools etc and slipped further and further into depression and anorexia which then turned to bulimia, and I started to self-harm in places she could see and she'd tell me to "clean up the blood and plaster myself", rather than ask me why I'd done it, or seek professional help. I ran away from home at 16; I moved from Winchester to Stoke on Trent to live with a boy who physically abused and assaulted me daily, I fell pregnant with his baby and she invited me back home. When I arrived at the train station she told me I had to have an abortion or I wouldn't be allowed back in. I agreed to an abortion just so I could get back in the house, and never went ahead with an abortion because I miscarried at 9+4. I ran away again. Got really mentally sick. Went back home. I overdosed 3 times in a week and she just moaned at me because she had already been to the hospital and couldn't be bothered to drive me there. She took me to a psychologist when I was 17 after I begged her to and I saw him for 3 sessions before he decided I needed immediate hospitalisation which I agreed to and was on high dependancy units for 6 months; she visited me twice whilst I was there. She actually slipped into depression soon after because her and her partner split up and has been struggling ever since. Now she knows what I'm going through daily she is a lot nicer. I get married on the 27th of this month and am off sick from work because of stress and eating disorder complications and she has had me drive a 60 mile round trip to watch her cry. Like I need that! She used to be very physically abusive too. I actually had her done for physical assault against me after she shut my head in a door on purpose and then kicked me out the house with no shoes when it was snowing and wouldn't let me in for 9 hours overnight. She tried to get me taken away and into foster care because I was a bad kid who never listened.

Sorry for the rant. I just needed to get that out.

I'll never, ever, ever treat my child the way my mum treated me.

 

[beth_terri]

I mum and I don't get on at all really, apart from on the odd occassion.

She was very selfish when I was growing up, we had no money and she spent any money we did have on tobacco and cannabis, so I was left with one pair of shoes (school shoes) and a bedroom that was falling apart - literally, the plaster was coming off the walls! - and bare floorboards etc. She argued with me a lot and taunted me about being fat, my nickname was 'Gutsache'. I grew up hating myself and body because she told me I had bigger hips than her despite her having 3 kids. When I was 14 I developed severe anorexia and although I lot 1/2 my body weight (literally half) she never offered to take me to a doctor, or tried to get me to eat, she just left me to it and I nearly died. I told her I was sexually abused by her ex-partner and she called me a liar and then used to get drunk and shut me out of the house "until told the truth" (I really was abused, by the way). She met a man with a load of money and we moved in with him so I had to move schools etc and slipped further and further into depression and anorexia which then turned to bulimia, and I started to self-harm in places she could see and she'd tell me to "clean up the blood and plaster myself", rather than ask me why I'd done it, or seek professional help. I ran away from home at 16; I moved from Winchester to Stoke on Trent to live with a boy who physically abused and assaulted me daily, I fell pregnant with his baby and she invited me back home. When I arrived at the train station she told me I had to have an abortion or I wouldn't be allowed back in. I agreed to an abortion just so I could get back in the house, and never went ahead with an abortion because I miscarried at 9+4. I ran away again. Got really mentally sick. Went back home. I overdosed 3 times in a week and she just moaned at me because she had already been to the hospital and couldn't be bothered to drive me there. She took me to a psychologist when I was 17 after I begged her to and I saw him for 3 sessions before he decided I needed immediate hospitalisation which I agreed to and was on high dependancy units for 6 months; she visited me twice whilst I was there. She actually slipped into depression soon after because her and her partner split up and has been struggling ever since. Now she knows what I'm going through daily she is a lot nicer. I get married on the 27th of this month and am off sick from work because of stress and eating disorder complications and she has had me drive a 60 mile round trip to watch her cry. Like I need that! She used to be very physically abusive too. I actually had her done for physical assault against me after she shut my head in a door on purpose and then kicked me out the house with no shoes when it was snowing and wouldn't let me in for 9 hours overnight. She tried to get me taken away and into foster care because I was a bad kid who never listened.

Sorry for the rant. I just needed to get that out.

I'll never, ever, ever treat my child the way my mum treated me.

God that sounds awful

I overdosed when I was 14, and instead of my parents trying to talk about why it happened and try to change things at home when I was let of if hospital they grounded me, stopped me going to my cafe job and held a grudge against me for months.

Ill never treat my kids the way mine treated me ether!

 

[hshucksmith]

I mum and I don't get on at all really, apart from on the odd occassion.

She was very selfish when I was growing up, we had no money and she spent any money we did have on tobacco and cannabis, so I was left with one pair of shoes (school shoes) and a bedroom that was falling apart - literally, the plaster was coming off the walls! - and bare floorboards etc. She argued with me a lot and taunted me about being fat, my nickname was 'Gutsache'. I grew up hating myself and body because she told me I had bigger hips than her despite her having 3 kids. When I was 14 I developed severe anorexia and although I lot 1/2 my body weight (literally half) she never offered to take me to a doctor, or tried to get me to eat, she just left me to it and I nearly died. I told her I was sexually abused by her ex-partner and she called me a liar and then used to get drunk and shut me out of the house "until told the truth" (I really was abused, by the way). She met a man with a load of money and we moved in with him so I had to move schools etc and slipped further and further into depression and anorexia which then turned to bulimia, and I started to self-harm in places she could see and she'd tell me to "clean up the blood and plaster myself", rather than ask me why I'd done it, or seek professional help. I ran away from home at 16; I moved from Winchester to Stoke on Trent to live with a boy who physically abused and assaulted me daily, I fell pregnant with his baby and she invited me back home. When I arrived at the train station she told me I had to have an abortion or I wouldn't be allowed back in. I agreed to an abortion just so I could get back in the house, and never went ahead with an abortion because I miscarried at 9+4. I ran away again. Got really mentally sick. Went back home. I overdosed 3 times in a week and she just moaned at me because she had already been to the hospital and couldn't be bothered to drive me there. She took me to a psychologist when I was 17 after I begged her to and I saw him for 3 sessions before he decided I needed immediate hospitalisation which I agreed to and was on high dependancy units for 6 months; she visited me twice whilst I was there. She actually slipped into depression soon after because her and her partner split up and has been struggling ever since. Now she knows what I'm going through daily she is a lot nicer. I get married on the 27th of this month and am off sick from work because of stress and eating disorder complications and she has had me drive a 60 mile round trip to watch her cry. Like I need that! She used to be very physically abusive too. I actually had her done for physical assault against me after she shut my head in a door on purpose and then kicked me out the house with no shoes when it was snowing and wouldn't let me in for 9 hours overnight. She tried to get me taken away and into foster care because I was a bad kid who never listened.

Sorry for the rant. I just needed to get that out.

I'll never, ever, ever treat my child the way my mum treated me.

God that sounds awful

I overdosed when I was 14, and instead of my parents trying to talk about why it happened and try to change things at home when I was let of if hospital they grounded me, stopped me going to my cafe job and held a grudge against me for months.

Ill never treat my kids the way mine treated me ether!

Sometimes I think my mum felt so bad she couldn't bring herself to talk about it, but now I realise she is just selfish and only focuses on herself.

Similarly, I overdosed on laxatives and they didn't kick in until 12hrs after they were supposed to so I couldn't go to my pub shift. I told her what I'd done and gave her all the pills (I had a serious addiction, I can't *go* without them now and pre-pregnancy I could take around 125 senna tablets which obviously left to a lot of hospital admissions), and she just laughed at me. How cruel.

 

[Mummy Bean]

My mum left me when i was 4 months old in a cot with two bottles. thankfully my nan found me. then when she lost the divorce settlement with my dad she never bothered with visits. then when my dad went to get remarried when i was 13 she suddenly took an interest....and went out the following month and said she was also getting married and wanted me to be bridemaid...however the day of the wedding i asked how i was getting home after and she responded 'why do i care...you're your dads ask him'. So i asked her to take me home...missing out on the wedding amd have never seen her since.

Just before i got married i decided to track her down, and found she had moved to the other end of the country..we only speak via letter.... and at first we were civil but when i had Parker she sent me a letter saying how selfish i was for keeping her from her grandson...it safe to say i have not responded since.

i gave up being angry/bitter/upset about her a long time ago...she obvio fucked up and it her loss not mine.

then there my step mum...for the first 4 years we HATED each other. she had her daughter and then her son with my dad...i was the annoying rebellious teenager. who she refused to have anything to do with. when i split from my abusive boyfriend (me being dragged out in handcuffs whilst he cut him self saying i did it) she ignored me.
But as soon as i moved out our relationship has slowly grown...to this past year i honestly couldnt live with out her...she helps out so much with the kids.

The whole thing made me petrified of having a girl...but some one recently told me that actually i now know exactly how not to be a mother...i just hope yhat my kids will never write something like this about me.

for me.

 

[twobecome3]

i had a major falling out with both parents and we didnt speak for about a year. when LO was born i made up with mum and she comes around every other week and we chat on email in between. i still dont speak to my dad tho. she doesnt push the issue tho as she says doesnt want to ruin what we have. im so over drama since having LO. dad knows hes welcome in my home to meet LO but hes too stubborn, not sure wat hes waiting for. i cant be bothered to chase down a grown man, its sad for him that hes missing out on LO

 

[onetwothreebp]

The whole thing made me petrified of having a girl...but some one recently told me that actually i now know exactly how not to be a mother...i just hope yhat my kids will never write something like this about me.

I can relate to this so much. I have a bad relationship with my mother and I never ever wanted a daughter. I am currently pregnant with a girl and I am so anxious over it. I'm just hoping that like you said, I'll be able to use my history and know what not to do with a girl.

 

[twobecome3]

The whole thing made me petrified of having a girl...but some one recently told me that actually i now know exactly how not to be a mother...i just hope yhat my kids will never write something like this about me.

I can relate to this so much. I have a bad relationship with my mother and I never ever wanted a daughter. I am currently pregnant with a girl and I am so anxious over it. I'm just hoping that like you said, I'll be able to use my history and know what not to do with a girl.

ditto. when i had my 20week scan to find out gender i felt so deflated, i really hoped for a boy. i often feel a bit sad thinking about her growing up as i dont want to be hated. i dont get on with too many females, period.

 

[hshucksmith]

I am also petrified of having a girl. I have a real strong instinct that I am carrying a daughter, and I don't know how to feel about it.

 

[Samiam03]

My mom and I have a terrible relationship. I've posted about it on here before. She was emotionally abusive growing up and then when I had my son, she started going in and out of our lives. She blows up over nothing and always "cuts me off". When she is out of my life she does nothing but trash me to everyone and act like I'm some monster...all her friends hate me now. She didn't even meet my daughter until she was 6 months and even then kept saying crap about how my son was her favorite and how she didn't like my daughter.

She's been in my life for about 4 months now but any day now I'm sure she will cut me out of her life again. The only reason I put up with her is because my son likes her. He doesn't realize what she is really like yet.

 

[Samiam03]

The whole thing made me petrified of having a girl...but some one recently told me that actually i now know exactly how not to be a mother...i just hope yhat my kids will never write something like this about me.

I can relate to this so much. I have a bad relationship with my mother and I never ever wanted a daughter. I am currently pregnant with a girl and I am so anxious over it. I'm just hoping that like you said, I'll be able to use my history and know what not to do with a girl.

ditto. when i had my 20week scan to find out gender i felt so deflated, i really hoped for a boy. i often feel a bit sad thinking about her growing up as i dont want to be hated. i dont get on with too many females, period.

I felt the same exact way. I hated my daughter through my whole pregnancy and I was so disgusted that I was having a daughter.

My little girl is now my life and my everything (besides my son of course). I couldn't imagine a life without her. her and I already have an amazing relationship with so much chemistry despite her not being a year yet. Im never going to treat her the way my mother treated me.

 

[Mummy Bean]

The whole thing made me petrified of having a girl...but some one recently told me that actually i now know exactly how not to be a mother...i just hope yhat my kids will never write something like this about me.

I can relate to this so much. I have a bad relationship with my mother and I never ever wanted a daughter. I am currently pregnant with a girl and I am so anxious over it. I'm just hoping that like you said, I'll be able to use my history and know what not to do with a girl.

ditto. when i had my 20week scan to find out gender i felt so deflated, i really hoped for a boy. i often feel a bit sad thinking about her growing up as i dont want to be hated. i dont get on with too many females, period.

I felt the same exact way. I hated my daughter through my whole pregnancy and I was so disgusted that I was having a daughter.

My little girl is now my life and my everything (besides my son of course). I couldn't imagine a life without her. her and I already have an amazing relationship with so much chemistry despite her not being a year yet. Im never going to treat her the way my mother treated me.

people couldnt under stand why i had such gender preference...but i was so worried that i didnt know how to have a healthy mother daughter relationship i would screw it up with my possible daughter. honestly the relief i felt when i saw the wee boys bits was unreal that i felt guilty for having such strong feelings.

but when talking to OH about future children i actually said that maybe i would like a daughter to prove to my mother that regardless of what she did...she didnt screw me up.

in fact i recievd the first letter from her in over 9 months yesterday...no idea what to respond...part of me wants to burn it and just forget about her.

 

[Boomerslady]

Just want to send to you ladies who have such toxic mums. It puts nt perspective that even though I don't get on with mine and she hurts me a lot it's nothing compared t what some people have to deal with, and I know at the end if the day if I was desperate and needed her she'd be here (after moaning though I'm sure!)

Also Beth what you wrote about the overdose resonated with me. I too attempted suicide in my teens, I only took about 25 paracetamol because I couldn't swallow them and was more a cry for help, my mums response on finding me 'oh great m going to miss eastenders now' I'm not sure if she even remembers it but I'll never forget.

I too wood be very nervous of having a girl in the future however I'd like to think I could never be how she is and ill do everything in my power to keep a good mother/daughter relationship.

 

[Mummy Bean]

Just want to send to you ladies who have such toxic mums. It puts nt perspective that even though I don't get on with mine and she hurts me a lot it's nothing compared t what some people have to deal with, and I know at the end if the day if I was desperate and needed her she'd be here (after moaning though I'm sure!)

Also Beth what you wrote about the overdose resonated with me. I too attempted suicide in my teens, I only took about 25 paracetamol because I couldn't swallow them and was more a cry for help, my mums response on finding me 'oh great m going to miss eastenders now' I'm not sure if she even remembers it but I never will.

I too wood be very nervous of having a girl in the future however I'd like to think I could never be how she is and ill do everything in my power to keep a good mother/daughter relationship.

it werid the things that stick wih us, i can remember being angry at my step mum for ages because when talking about her kids she didnt mention me - yet when i finally confronted her she had no recollection of what i was talking about.

Part me tries to be realistic and i know there no parentin hand book...and how would i deal with a situation like ou described.... but theni get madder coz you would hope any parent would be scared to death to find there child in that state and would do everything after to ensure you were ok.

to all - just think in 30 years time our kids will be somewhere talking abou how amazing we all are!