does baby sleep improve on its own? share your experiences

[gingmg]

My 7 month old is a crappy sleeper, always has been. Its probably all my fault because I did everything you are not supposed to do. I rocked, nursed, bounced, and coslept (not that I regret it because I loved every minute but here we are now as a result). We've been working on putting him down drowsy but awake and after a month or so we are finally there. However, the night wakings have not decreased at all. We have some good nights but most often he still wakes up a lot. Most nights he ends up in our bed at some point. Crying it out is not an option for us.

So, for those on the other side of a frequent waker, did it just go away on its own? Or did you do things to make it change? I thought that they would outgrow waking at some point but then I see other people say that its a habit that doesn't go away on it own. I also thought that being able to put them down awake was the key to the rest of the night improving. Is it just slow to follow or am I fooling myself thinking this is going to get better on its own?

Please share your experiences.


EDIT: This is an old thread I started when my son was little and I was feeling unsure of the choices I was making in terms of his sleep. I just did what came naturally to me but was getting a lot of negative feedback from people all around me who thought sleep training was the way forward if they weren't sleeping by 6 months. Anyway, we hadn't even hit the worst of our sleep deprivation at the time I wrote this, that came later during the 8-10 month sleep regression when my son was up hourly. And going down drowsy but awake didn't last long, so we went back to nursing and rocking him to sleep. I came back to update this thread once my son started STTN (update #1 pg 3 update #2 pg 4) because I know when you are in the thick of it, it feels like it will never end. But the good news is it does!! My son sleeps great now at two and I am so happy we let his sleep develop naturally instead of forcing it. The moms on this site were such a source of support while we were going through this so I wanted to offer the same hope, encouragement, and support to those still in the thick of a frequent waker. So if you are like me and the idea of sleep training sounded beyond barbaric, and are still in the midst of a bad sleeper, HUGS! It does get better, I bumped this thread up for you!

 

[Rach79]

I had a sleeper and I thought it was all down to the EASY technique I had been using, I was a smug b#tch - I hate myself when I think back. He slept every night for 8 weeks from 13 weeks when I stopped night feeds. Then one night he stopped. He basically woke every hour until he was 1 but wasn't hungry or teething. I was nearly dead on my feet and many nights I never slept at all and he only napped for 20-30 mins a day. It was awful I was super low and tried all the sleep techniques I could read. Nothing worked and he was so distressed. Idiots would tell me to keep at it, it worked for them (thinks back, yes I was one ). EVERY BABY IS DIFFERENT. Last week he started sleeping, no idea how or why, he is 13 months + 1 week. My partner works away and last trip leaving he said he might not go as he thought I would die from lack of sleep

Sorry no help, but you are not alone. Also I do not think you did any of the 'wrong' things, they are babies for such little time, I did them and I have a lovely, loving little dude who is very content. x

 

[lisa1980]

It will definitely get better. I can't promise exactly when though.

DS1 was a crappy sleeper from day one really. I tried a few sleep book techniques (not CIO) and none of them worked, or they worked for a while then he'd get a tooth or something and we'd be back to square one.

Night weaning made no diffence - it wasn't hunger waking him. Strict routine didn't help. The only way I got through it was to co-sleep (which I fought so hard but then grew to absolutely LOVE it), do all the things you aren't 'supposed' to, and wait until he grew out of it, which he did once he was around 14-15 months. He would still wake maybe once or twice a night but a quick sip of water and he'd go back to sleep which is infinitely more bearable than the 3am-5am parties. I did nothing to induce the change...he just did it when he was ready.

Now he's 3.5yrs and he sleeps 12-14 hours a night without a peep. I never thought the day would come!

 

[lisa1980]

Oh and DS2 has been a much better sleeper from day one too, and I've done nothing differently.

Just goes to show it's mainly down to the individual baby rather than any parenting techniques. If I'd have had DS2 first i'd have thought having a baby was really easy and they just go to sleep when tired! (I'm glad it was this way round )

 

[Button#]

I had a rubbish sleeper and nothing I did changed that, although I didn't try a lot, no CIO etc. I found he went through various phases depending on his development/teething/illness. some phases meant frequent wakings, some meant one waking for several hours at a time. We found teething affected his sleep the most.

His sleep improved at 16 months when he dropped his night feed by himself. He was still waking up but would sttn about once a week. At 21 months he started sttn consistently. He also at that age was able to be left by himself to go to sleep.

I really think all children are different and they will all get there, just it takes longer for some. I was more concerned with setting up positive sleep associations to make him feel safe and comfortable in his own bed.

 

[xQuinnx]

My daughter is 8 months old and she has always been in control of her sleep haha I don't think anything we did influenced it at all. The only thing we did consistently is take her to her room in the evening when SH was tired and feed and change her there instead of downstairs. She woke throughout the night until 6 months and even now every now and again her pattern will totally change for a few days for no reason. Crying it out isn't an option for us either. I think each child is different and you have to do what you need to to get through it.

 

[mayacat]

DD is only 2 months but she has it figured out on her own -at least for now. If you think about it, nobody tends to complain that their 8 year old wakes up every hour, so no matter what you try, either something will work or baby will figure it out on heir own Not helpful maybe, but just know that you can't mess them up for good very easily!

 

[SoupDragon]

We are not out the other side yet, we're still in the thick of sleep deprivation, so these posts give me hope!

DD is 8 months...until she was 4 months or so she was the most fantastic sleeper. We couldn't believe how lucky we'd got - she'd drift off on her own arund 7 each night, and wouldn't wake til 2 or so, for a quick feed, then 5 for another little feed, then back down til 7 or 8!

Since 4 months...she's needed to be held/fed to sleep, she wakes screaming if she realises she's lost her dummy, she thrashes around, she has two full 5oz bottles overnight, and she's up for the day at 4.30 or 5am She sleeps in her cot from bedtime (falls asleep around 6.30) until sometime between 11 and 1, when I feed her and I'm too tired to resettle her in the cot so I bring her into bed with me, and she may or may not settle. She has another feed around 3 or so, and then she's wide awake at stupid-o' clock.

I won't do CIO, I couldn't bear it, and putting her down drowsy but awake just doesn't work...I don't know if I'm doing it wrong but she just pings awake and is up on all fours and I'm back to square one. She'll usually stay asleep for a bit if I lay her down already asleep, but sometimes, like tonight, I'm up and down to her all evening resettling her :/

I'm figuring the easiest thing to do for my poor tired brain is to just go with it and wait it out.

I'm glad to see people who have come out the other side with sanity intact

 

[AK89]

We are not out the other side yet, we're still in the thick of sleep deprivation, so these posts give me hope!

DD is 8 months...until she was 4 months or so she was the most fantastic sleeper. We couldn't believe how lucky we'd got - she'd drift off on her own arund 7 each night, and wouldn't wake til 2 or so, for a quick feed, then 5 for another little feed, then back down til 7 or 8!

Since 4 months...she's needed to be held/fed to sleep, she wakes screaming if she realises she's lost her dummy, she thrashes around, she has two full 5oz bottles overnight, and she's up for the day at 4.30 or 5am She sleeps in her cot from bedtime (falls asleep around 6.30) until sometime between 11 and 1, when I feed her and I'm too tired to resettle her in the cot so I bring her into bed with me, and she may or may not settle. She has another feed around 3 or so, and then she's wide awake at stupid-o' clock.

I won't do CIO, I couldn't bear it, and putting her down drowsy but awake just doesn't work...I don't know if I'm doing it wrong but she just pings awake and is up on all fours and I'm back to square one. She'll usually stay asleep for a bit if I lay her down already asleep, but sometimes, like tonight, I'm up and down to her all evening resettling her :/

I'm figuring the easiest thing to do for my poor tired brain is to just go with it and wait it out.

I'm glad to see people who have come out the other side with sanity intact

I could have written this myself!! Only we cosleep fulltime so I'm probably not quite as sleep-deprived We'll get there.......


..right?!

 

[Larkspur]

My DS was a shocker till around 15/16 months and then he just started sleeping through. Nothing to do with me as I had long given up by that point trying to do anything except co-sleep to get through.

My daughter is also a bad sleeper but it's easier this time as at least I have some perspective.

From my experience, and reading a LOT of threads here, bad sleepers tend to go through their worst phases around 4-5 months, 8-10 months and 13-14 months. Then things start to improve and often they are STTN at least a couple of times a week by 18 months.

 

[fortunecookie]

My DD was a horrendous sleeper, at one point between 4 and 6 months she would wake every one to two hours at least. Now she usually wakes once a night for a feed and I have just had a run of three nights sleeping through. I didn't do CIO, I sometimes let her have a grumble but if she cried I went to her. I breastfeed her to sleep most nights but I work earlies and lates so she has learnt to go to bed ok with Daddy so doesn't need it. I know it will take a while until she sleeps through the night fully but she has got where she is without crying. In the early days I did the shush pat but she doesn't need it now.

So I think that they can get there without sleep training, I always think that you don't hear of people rocking/feeding a teenager to sleep!

 

[SoupDragon]

I could have written this myself!! Only we cosleep fulltime so I'm probably not quite as sleep-deprived We'll get there.......


..right?!

Lol...I'd do this but I have no idea how we'd do it - DD is so ridiculously mobile for her age, the only safe thing to do with her is put her in her cot when she goes to bed, then I don't move her when I go up, except if she's already awake. I just try to get a bit of shut-eye before she starts up! When she was in the cosleeper it was much easier, as I could just lift her across, but now we don't have room for the cot in our room, and I have to get out of bed Now she can stand up on her own, the cosleeper isn't safe so we can't use it.

 

[Perplexed]

dd goes through phases of sttn and phases of waking up once or twice. normally when she does wake up she's going through something- as another poster said, like teething. she went through the longest phase of not sleeping well when she was learning to walk. new baby brought home was also a big adjustment and in the first few weeks of my new baby's life I was dealing with two babies that woke up several times in the night.

dd however still needs a lot of help going to sleep. sometimes she randomly falls asleep by herself but lately, especially when I carry the baby a lot in the evening and can't help her get to sleep she'll actually stay up really late. it makes me feel awful as she actually did improve. now she sometimes asks me for help in her own way when she wants to sleep.

 

[MindUtopia]

Yes, sleep really is developmental. Ignore all that crap about 'bad habits' and 'doing the wrong thing'. You'd be doing the wrong thing if you weren't responding to your baby and you were struggling to follow some program that didn't feel right or work for you just because some 'expert' said to. In my experience, yes, sleep does get much easier as they get older and you don't have to 'do' anything to magically make it happen other than making bedtime and overnights not stressful and being consistent with whatever you do. Our daughter is 28 months. She literally slept on us for the first 6 weeks (we'd stay awake in shifts all night to hold her as it was the hold way she'd sleep). We bedshared long-term. She was fed to sleep. We rocked her, held her, she slept in a wrap every nap until she was 8 months. We did everything that those 'sleep experts' would say not to. The time around 8-11 months was particularly hard (it's a huge developmental leap, paired with a period of separation anxiety) and we've had a few rough patches here and there (particularly when she's been really developing her language abilities). But generally since about 10/11 months, she goes to sleep on her own. We have some milk and a cuddle and she gets in bed now for a bedtime story, and then I leave and shut the door when I'm finished. She generally goes to sleep, sometimes with a little extra reassurance and another goodnight kiss. She doesn't sleep through perfectly every night, but it's pretty manageable. And we didn't need to sleep train or do any of that. This for a baby who was waking every hour some nights and taking 2 hours to go to sleep even with cuddling and rocking when she was younger. It will happen. But I do think 7 months old is still pretty young. My daughter was still having a night feed or two until 9 months (formula fed) and didn't go into her cot awake and go right to sleep easily until about 10-11 months.

 

[Hb.x]

We thought we had it great with LO. He slept through the night from 6 weeks! Then he got sick, and totally refused to sleep in his cot, this was around 7 months. NOTHING we done worked, we ended up just having to let him sleep in with us. Last month we went on holiday (he was 17mo) and he slept in a cot no problem! Now that we're home, he started trying to climb into his cot and we now put him down awake and usually need to wake him up the following morning.

This might not be much help, but it will happen eventually! My MIL used to tell us just to make the most of it, one day he'll grow up and won't want to still sleep with us when he's 10

 

[MrsVenn]

DD slept through day 5 - 9 months then bam - 4 wakings a night. She ended up in our bed by 2am every night just so that we could all sleep! We didn't do anything, change anything etc and even at nearly 5, she still wakes from time to time but settles straight away. She just wants comfort.

DS - well 6 months later and I'm still waiting for a full nights sleep and a later get up time than 5am! Sometimes he wakes once a night, last night twice and some a good few times. I feed and put down in our room then transfer to his room on his Sleepyhead mattress but we'll do exactly what we did with DD as you do come out of it...

eventually

 

[Tattoo]

My oldest didn't sleep through the night until she was sixteen months. She was nursed to sleep every night until she was over a year old, and I fed her through the night until about ten months. She would usually be up six times in the night, but sometimes it could be as many as twelve times! Now she's two and a half. I did nothing to "help" her sleep through. Like many, CIO wasn't a route I wanted to take. She sleeps through most nights. She's always asleep, or at least in her bed, by 8 o'clock, and usually wakes between 5 and 8am, generally around 7 o'clock.

Sleep does improve if you just leave baby to it, but it may take a long time!

 

[gingmg]

Thanks for all the stories! Most times I feel confident about the choices we've made in how we want to raise our son. Other times I read stuff all over the internet about "sleep associations" "bad habits" and how night wakings don't just go away on their own because the baby hasn't learned how to fall asleep by themselves. Most people I know in real life sleep trained and are horrified if I'm honest about how often my son still wakes up. We have some good nights with only a couple of wakings but not as many as I would like. Its reassuring to know it will get better. Thanks for the support.

 

[Hb.x]

Don't worry about everyone else, you know your baby better than anyone else, you'll know what your baby needs! Every baby is different so what works for one might not work for another. Just enjoy all the cuddles wig your baby while it lasts although my LO sleeps through the night now I'm still up several times making sure he's ok and missing my cuddles!!

 

[MrsM17]

I had an appalling sleeper with DS1. Undiagnosed cmpa resulted in awful habits and broken sleep. He tortured us until after his 2nd birthday we could take no more and our marriage would seriously have broken down if he didnt stop the nightly screaming sessions. neighbors complained, the lot! He was that bad.
He was still in a cot and we let him CIO. It worked but was the hardest thing we'd done, tbh I wished we'd tried it earlier as when your child can shout you its much harder and the older they are the longer it can take to work. After that he slept better, we still have blips but now we use a reward chart and that works. Even now if he has not had enough sleep his behavior is terrible.

DS2 I promised myself I wouldnt have the same again (we almost didnt have another child DS1 was that bad) But there I was again doing the bad habits. By 4 months I just not have the time to spend soooo long rocking/holding him to sleep with a demanding 3 year old so we started self settling skills.

He is now 5 months and self settles great for all naps and night wakings. never cries unless he is teething or gets too hungry. He is a happy baby and although he still has night feeds I am glad he (so far, know how quick things change) isn't screaming all night like his brother x