Hello,
I'm a newly minted Mum to a nineonth old precious girl who is driving me bonkers!!!
To cut a long story short - she's my first and was a very difficult baby from the start. She was very colicky and was silent reflux meds from the get go, screamed basically ALL THE TIME. I found it really difficult to manage but everyone kept saying it will pass and once she sits up and is eating solids etc it will get easier, my house went from spotless to something out of Beirut, I didn't bathe for days, sometimes over a week, I lost all my pregnancy weight (35lbs) in six weeks. I barely had time to eat and on top of that I had to cut out dairy, soy, nuts, sesame, wheat and other allergens at the advice of doctor for her excema and reflux plus gassy foods so I basically ate like a sparrow. It didn't help one bit and over time the reflux got better. When she was flour months old I got divorced and moved across the world to live back with my Mum. Stressful to say the least.
She is now nine months and I can honestly say I really don't enjoy looking after her. She hates every baby carrier i have tried and screams blue till i take her out, i cant put her down for a second, she still breastfeeds EVERY TWO HOURS, she wakes up everynight hysterical. About eight-twelve times on a bad night. Four-five times on a good night. She will just cry and thrash about no matter what i bloody do. I tried to do controlled crying. It didnt work. She goes from zero to a hundred in seconds. Finally after spending on average an hour getting her back to sleep she will regular wake up crying again a few minutee later. I have tried cosleeping, was shit and she is now in a crib, also shit. She has never really napped. It is very normal for her to nap for half an hour after lunch or in the morningand then refuses sleep again until bedtime at 6pm. This means she will stay awake for sometimes 8 hours straight. I have an autoimmune disease that has flares very badly since her birth and ive never recovered. I am 5'6 and i weigh ninety pounds. I try batch cooking when she sleeps but she alwways wakes up in the middle. I try prepping meals the night before but same problem. I go to bed every night hungry. I tried using a pump so people could bottle feed her and she just screamed until i came home and refuses it. I have no time for basic essentials and i feel so run down and depleted because she sucks me dry of every mentql, physical and emotional resource i have. When I hear her wake up in the morning my chest tightens and I think oh no not another day of this shit. I look at her and I just feel resentment, I keep waiting to turn the corner and it never happens. She's not a newborn anymore but she might as well be. My mum works full time so that doesn't help much and I feel like I'm on the verge of a health breakdown because my body is just so run down I feel like I'm dying G-D forbid. I hate that this is my life. I've tried so many things and nothing's worked and her sleep is getting worse and worse. Tried making bedtime earlier and later, bath, no bath, CIO, controlled crying, swaddles, grobag, warmer and colder room, big meal before bed or teatime earlier, comforters, that bloody singing sheep and sound machine and a whole host if other useless shit that has got me nowhere. I hate motherhood. I've spoken to my HV and she said I'm just totally run down. I had depression years ago and I don't feel depressed now. Will this ever get better? I've been waiting for months and it never has. I try to get out lots and go to baby group and baby swim etc but it doesn't help much and I took vitamins and supplements but I feel so shitty they don't help. Iron is fine as is vitamin D. I want to love my daughter but she just drains me of everything and I feel SICK from not eating properly and not sleeping more than three hours at a time in nearly a year!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm a newly minted Mum to a nineonth old precious girl who is driving me bonkers!!!
To cut a long story short - she's my first and was a very difficult baby from the start. She was very colicky and was silent reflux meds from the get go, screamed basically ALL THE TIME. I found it really difficult to manage but everyone kept saying it will pass and once she sits up and is eating solids etc it will get easier, my house went from spotless to something out of Beirut, I didn't bathe for days, sometimes over a week, I lost all my pregnancy weight (35lbs) in six weeks. I barely had time to eat and on top of that I had to cut out dairy, soy, nuts, sesame, wheat and other allergens at the advice of doctor for her excema and reflux plus gassy foods so I basically ate like a sparrow. It didn't help one bit and over time the reflux got better. When she was flour months old I got divorced and moved across the world to live back with my Mum. Stressful to say the least.
She is now nine months and I can honestly say I really don't enjoy looking after her. She hates every baby carrier i have tried and screams blue till i take her out, i cant put her down for a second, she still breastfeeds EVERY TWO HOURS, she wakes up everynight hysterical. About eight-twelve times on a bad night. Four-five times on a good night. She will just cry and thrash about no matter what i bloody do. I tried to do controlled crying. It didnt work. She goes from zero to a hundred in seconds. Finally after spending on average an hour getting her back to sleep she will regular wake up crying again a few minutee later. I have tried cosleeping, was shit and she is now in a crib, also shit. She has never really napped. It is very normal for her to nap for half an hour after lunch or in the morningand then refuses sleep again until bedtime at 6pm. This means she will stay awake for sometimes 8 hours straight. I have an autoimmune disease that has flares very badly since her birth and ive never recovered. I am 5'6 and i weigh ninety pounds. I try batch cooking when she sleeps but she alwways wakes up in the middle. I try prepping meals the night before but same problem. I go to bed every night hungry. I tried using a pump so people could bottle feed her and she just screamed until i came home and refuses it. I have no time for basic essentials and i feel so run down and depleted because she sucks me dry of every mentql, physical and emotional resource i have. When I hear her wake up in the morning my chest tightens and I think oh no not another day of this shit. I look at her and I just feel resentment, I keep waiting to turn the corner and it never happens. She's not a newborn anymore but she might as well be. My mum works full time so that doesn't help much and I feel like I'm on the verge of a health breakdown because my body is just so run down I feel like I'm dying G-D forbid. I hate that this is my life. I've tried so many things and nothing's worked and her sleep is getting worse and worse. Tried making bedtime earlier and later, bath, no bath, CIO, controlled crying, swaddles, grobag, warmer and colder room, big meal before bed or teatime earlier, comforters, that bloody singing sheep and sound machine and a whole host if other useless shit that has got me nowhere. I hate motherhood. I've spoken to my HV and she said I'm just totally run down. I had depression years ago and I don't feel depressed now. Will this ever get better? I've been waiting for months and it never has. I try to get out lots and go to baby group and baby swim etc but it doesn't help much and I took vitamins and supplements but I feel so shitty they don't help. Iron is fine as is vitamin D. I want to love my daughter but she just drains me of everything and I feel SICK from not eating properly and not sleeping more than three hours at a time in nearly a year!!!!!!!!!!!
which is nice after baby hell.
