does your husband support you on the TTC program?

[mellow]

Hey...
just wondering if anyone is in the same boat with me.
I've been married for almost a year...and if anybody ask me am i happy, or do i love my husband, with no hesitation i will reply "Very Much"
but not when it comes to TTC.
I know my husband loves me very much and couldn't bare to live without me. but he's just not as I do in wanting baby. i did everything that can make the chances of conceiving bigger, and all he does is brake my heart by saying no when i try to get him to have an intercourse on my ovulating days, and not even try to cheer me up when i feel awful becoz i got my period. He never was a romantic person, but the way he acted, of being uncommitted on the TTC program devastated me, i get stressed out more which makin it harder for me to conceive in that sort of mood. every time i talk to him about it, he doesn't seems to understand what's the big deal.
I've been trying hard to calm my self down, be less demanding, show more love for my husband and try to be happy, cause some people in this kind of forum say being all negative wont help.
But this morning my friend told me that his wife is four weeks pregnant, and they've been only married for less than 2 months. I was happy for him and his wife but i felt terrible and soo sad. I cant turn to my husband about it nor i can to my parents because i will only worried them.
that's why i share in this forum hoping to find some comfort and a friend to with similar case or an experience on making it right

 

[MissBabyFace]

Hun, I know exactly how you feel. I do try to limit us having sex for our fertile days, ovulation day and upto 3 days after ovulation (just incase). Sometimes I purposely say "look, if we have sex on this date as we NEED to have sex on these dates because these are my only chances of getting pregnant" to which he replies... "I can't just say yes I will have sex on certain dates because betime the dates come I might not want sex, you can't just say lets have sex and I'll come jumping"

Which is very true, so what I did this month was not tell him when my fertile days were, when I was ovulating and I became "spontaneous" I got him worked up and eventually we had sex on all my fertile days and ovulation day and a day after ovulation - I realised how much pressure I was putting on him and he probably felt like a sperm bank, me telling him bugger off throughout the month and then using him for sex for a baby on my fertile days.

He knew it was my fertile days because after having sex i positioned my bum on the pillow and elovated my hips so he knew it was for a baby but I think there's less pressure if you have sex because you want to and not because your trying to conceive.

Maybe just don't tell him anything about TTC just don't tell him your fertile days etc but be spontaneous too and work him up and have sex, he might feel the same as my OH and think your having sex for a baby... which you are, but clearly he's thinking "your having sex with me for a baby not because you want sex with me"

Also about your friend hun, I know... me and my OH have been together for two years now, my cousin has been with her boyfriend for a year now and they have a 2 month old son as they got pregnant in the first 2 months of being together, I know it kills hun it really does.

 

[Frustrated194]

Ahhh mellow you sounded so sad when i read that. hugsss (sorry dnt mean to be patronizing)
I sorta know how your feeling in some ways, i joined up because i felt like no-one i knew would understand me. My DH doesn't understand the whole TTC thing. He comes from a big family so in his eyes it just magically happens!
From my experience, alot of OH's would like to be more supportive but they just don't know how! Just try not to pressure them with all the baby talk and talk to someone on here, we're more likely to understand what you're going through
x

 

[wantanerd]

My husband is okay with TTC but prefers not to think about it or talk about it. We have talked about future hypothetical children but I don't really get any support from him talking wise. I have learned it's best not to talk about TTC around him. The person I talk to the most about wanting a child is my mom.

 

[AlvysGrl]

Cheer up honey...My Dh refused to TTC with me and would not even have intercourse if I wasnt on BC. I have two children from a previous marriage and he has none at all. He loves my kids and thinks of them as his own but of course I want a baby with him to completer otur family. After alot of heart ache I just gave up trying to convince him...I think he saw how it broke me. A few months went by and for christmas I got a card say ing he finnally wanted to start trying and now he is an active part of the process. Sometimes our DH act like little boys about things so the only thing to do is back off so that they can realize how one sided they are being...

 

[1liz9]

I'm sorry...hugs... You do sound sad

I don't discuss it. I agree with Missbabyface...don't tell him!! Most men do not get excited about the things we do.

Think of when you got engaged...when we were engaged I was busy making plans, booking everything, etc. My DH found the whole thing to be stressful. Later, when we talked about it his answer was "babe I was so stressed about putting that ring on your finger that now I just want to enjoy it.". He wasn't trying to be unthoughtful. He meant it

So here we are TTC. Men just want it to happen, yet again, with no stress. Just do what you need to to put him in the mood. When he asks "why" you're doing this tell him because you love him and the connection is important to you. It works for me and he doesn't feel the pressure of TTC.

You have the ladies on here to vent to when days are tough!

 

[Hoping4Baby5]

My boyfriend tell me and I quote I am baby crazy. Lol

 

[pola17]

he is being supportive. I lived with DH for a year and a half, and weve been married for 7 months... before february, when we decided to start TTC in may, our babies talks would be, that it would be awesome in the future.

Now, he supports on having sex when I OV, but when I feel like talking to him on what I learnt today on pregnancy or babies, he doesnt seem to interest. Today we went to a shopping mall, I took him to a baby store, he was looking prices, and stuff, but in a different way as I do! He says that once Im pregnant, that baby fever will grow on him!

Cheer up! all guys are like that in some point of their lives. Im sure your hubby will soon want his own baby! *hug*

Actually, when I was younger, I didnt want to marry or even have babies, but it all changed when my little nephew was born. Maybe having a baby in a close circle would make grow that wish of having a baby!

 

[calliebaby]

I find that men don't get that excited until they actually hold their baby. They just don't have that natural instinct that we do. They don't get to feel it growing inside of them. It is all just an idea until the baby is born. My husband was the same way. Once I had our boy, he was a pile of mush. He is much more emotional and so proud of his boy. It will get better.

 

[Jessmindah]

My husband is very supportive of the TTC part but when I get all mushy over a huggies ad or a bonds babies ad he turns off the subject very quickly. I asked him about why he does this and he says he tries not to talk about it because it reminds me that we don't have a baby and I really want one. Maybe this is similar to your hubby? Or maybe because he isn't romantic or emotional he's afraid of showing that kind of emotion or feeling left out when you can show that kind of emotion. It's very hard not to cry when reading your post. I feel for you and I am here for you. hugs and kisses and a listening ear. x x x

 

[kim_09]

My husband is sometimes supportive... when it suits him! We have intercourse during my fertile period but whenever i start talking about babies he shuts me down. I guess he struggles to talk about anything to do with ttc for that matter. He gets annoyed with me anytime i do start to talk about it. Its really frustrating and that is why this site is so helpful, everyone here is so supportive!