Done with stupid OH's uncaring selfish BS!!

[Ninagrrl]

I don't know how I'm going to do this... I just can't be with someone who doesn't care about anyone but himself. He's done a lot of things and IS a lot of things and I have stayed with him through it all. They say it's the little things that count, and it really is. Two little requests that he denied me today when I needed him the most.

The man has cheated on me, said horribly hurtful things to me, and has controlled nearly every aspect of my life. I let him. I've known for a really long time that I was going to leave him, only I haven't actually left him because I chose to give my son the things that he needs. My only option to move out would be to take my son and become homeless so that I could get housing and funding. I've looked into everything. If it isn't done this way, the waiting list is 2 - 3 years. My son is special needs and there is no way I would put him through that and I also couldn't leave him with OH because there is no way he could raise a child on his own for any real length of time. He needs guidance due to his brain injury.

But I've told him that he doesn't do anything for me anymore and that I don't want to be with him anymore. It all started out when a whole bunch of things came together. Stress, my diabetes being slightly out of control, lack of sleep, pregnancy, and now allergies. It has worn me out and I feel the worst I have felt in a really long time. This morning I asked for him to get me a drink... Just a drink. He did eventually bring it to me but we fought over him bringing me a drink. He kept saying that he didn't have time (to take 30 seconds) to get me a drink because he had to get up and take care of our son. I told him to take care of him and THEN bring me a drink but he kept arguing with me. Bottom line, he just didn't want to take the time to do it. Just now, I woke up from trying to get some extra sleep from a headache. I don't have any allergy medicine right now and will have to wait until later when stores open up, but I was going to take some tylonol in the meantime. I couldn't find it in all the low places which meant that I needed to look in the kitchen on the top shelf of the cabinet. The only way to do that is stand on a chair. He was already awake and had JUST gone to bed the minute before. He refused to do it. I had to stand on a chair and risk mine and the babies health all because he is a selfish lazy ass.

I'm just so done! It was the last straw. As far as I'm concerned, there is no relationship between us. We will both live here and whatnot but he is no longer getting ANYTHING romantic or relationship wise out of me. He is ONLY the father of my children and NOTHING more. I don't want to be with a person who can't even do the simplest of things for me AND for the health of his unborn child.

I will have this child, go to school, get a job and move the F on with my life... with or without his help in doing so!

Blah. Sorry for the long rant.. I just really needed to vent this. I'm so upset and the sad thing is it's more upsetting to me that he'd take the chance of me possibly losing my balance almost 26 weeks pregnant and compromising our daughters health!

 

[ALISON69]

OMG, looks like quite a few of us ladies are going through some sort of stress due to our other halfs.. sorry to hear your news.
we are all here for you and you rant away..
bless thinking of you. x

 

[candycrush]

hun, I am so happy to read this - you have mentioned a few times how unhappy you are amd so it's really great to hear that you are ready to take the big step snd move on.
I know it will be really tough, but you deserve a decent man and your children deserve to grow up in a happy household.
good luck, thinking of you xxx

 

[ama]

it takes courage to leave , been in a situation as yours and now I'm truly so much happier on my own and know my LOs Benefit from mum being happy and not put down all the time over silly things etc ....vent as much as you want x

 

[Delamere19]

Sorry your oh is being an ass all the time. Hope you can stay strong and that you start feeling better soon xxx big hugs

 

[Blessedbaby]

sorry you going through this

looks like all our OH are full of crap this week

Anyways I hope things start looking up for you and your two kids ... you're a woman and we much stronger than we think we are ...

 

[geordie_gal]

Im sorry you are going through this but pleased you seem to have come to the decision that is best for you and your kids.
Is there no friends/family etc nearby?
Also why don't you apply for social housing and say you have split up and are under the threat of homelessness.. I know someone who was in a similar situiation a few years ago and they found them a flat. x

 

[fashionqueen]

He'll have to pay you child support too right?

Definitely song stay with him just for money.

 

[Ninagrrl]

Im sorry you are going through this but pleased you seem to have come to the decision that is best for you and your kids.
Is there no friends/family etc nearby?
Also why don't you apply for social housing and say you have split up and are under the threat of homelessness.. I know someone who was in a similar situiation a few years ago and they found them a flat. x

I would. I've asked. You have to actually be homeless. Even the SHELTERS have a waiting list, and although I would be moved up to priority because I have a kid and I'm pregnant, from what I was told, a lot of moms that do this end up TRULY homeless (living in a car or on the streets) for up to 2 weeks before beds clear up. It's really messed up.

I do have family but none that is an option. My sister.... well, she's just a self absorbed twit right now. She's got her new boyfriend and custody of 2 of her 4 kids and can't be bothered to even call me. I think in the last 6 months I've talked to her maybe 12 times! Then there is my mom.... which would be fine, not ideal but fine... if it weren't for her boyfriend. He is a creepy pervert who always comes on to me and has confessed numerous times about his attraction to pregnant women. I barely tolerate him now so that I can have a relationship with my mom. SHE tolerates him right now but almost can't afford the things she does have and honestly, I think she thinks that he is all she can get and she is afraid of being alone.

I'm just going to have to suck it up and just deal with the situation until I can get on my feet. Doesn't mean I have to have a relationship with him. I'm sure he hasn't taken me seriously and probably all hell will be breaking loose once he realizes that I'm serious. I broke up with him once before and he literally lost it and would harass me 24/7 about changing and what he could do to get me back... I know it's going to start all over again which is part of the reason I have continued this "relationship" with him in the past because I didn't want to be harassed all the time.

 

[Kirstymum005]

Am so sorry to hear He sounds so uncaring and that is tough, pregnant or not. Being pregnant; especially it hasn't been an easy ride for you just makes his behavior so much less intolerable and unforgiving. Hope tomorrow will be a better day for you. And we are so feel free to rant away

 

[44npregnant]

Im sorry you are going through this but pleased you seem to have come to the decision that is best for you and your kids.
Is there no friends/family etc nearby?
Also why don't you apply for social housing and say you have split up and are under the threat of homelessness.. I know someone who was in a similar situiation a few years ago and they found them a flat. x

I would. I've asked. You have to actually be homeless. Even the SHELTERS have a waiting list, and although I would be moved up to priority because I have a kid and I'm pregnant, from what I was told, a lot of moms that do this end up TRULY homeless (living in a car or on the streets) for up to 2 weeks before beds clear up. It's really messed up.

I do have family but none that is an option. My sister.... well, she's just a self absorbed twit right now. She's got her new boyfriend and custody of 2 of her 4 kids and can't be bothered to even call me. I think in the last 6 months I've talked to her maybe 12 times! Then there is my mom.... which would be fine, not ideal but fine... if it weren't for her boyfriend. He is a creepy pervert who always comes on to me and has confessed numerous times about his attraction to pregnant women. I barely tolerate him now so that I can have a relationship with my mom. SHE tolerates him right now but almost can't afford the things she does have and honestly, I think she thinks that he is all she can get and she is afraid of being alone.

I'm just going to have to suck it up and just deal with the situation until I can get on my feet. Doesn't mean I have to have a relationship with him. I'm sure he hasn't taken me seriously and probably all hell will be breaking loose once he realizes that I'm serious. I broke up with him once before and he literally lost it and would harass me 24/7 about changing and what he could do to get me back... I know it's going to start all over again which is part of the reason I have continued this "relationship" with him in the past because I didn't want to be harassed all the time.

I know it feels terrible to feel STUCK in a situation. I was in an opposite situation where the BD was living with me (mooching) and I could not get rid of him no matter what I did. Hang in there. You will feel so much better when you are finally free.

 

[TicToc]

Depending on the nature of his control issues and how he 'loses it' you may qualify for a domestic violence shelter. I used to work at one and the criteria are not only physical, but include emotional and mental abuse even without any physical issues in the relationship. Since abuse in this context is primarily about power and control it is possible you might meet the criteria for assistance through an organization of this type if there are any around you. You can call and talk to a counselor or advocate to get more information if you think this might be a fit. I may have suggested this before, I can't remember. I just wanted to throw it out there in case it is helpful.

Good luck.

 

[geordie_gal]

Depending on the nature of his control issues and how he 'loses it' you may qualify for a domestic violence shelter. I used to work at one and the criteria are not only physical, but include emotional and mental abuse even without any physical issues in the relationship. Since abuse in this context is primarily about power and control it is possible you might meet the criteria for assistance through an organization of this type if there are any around you. You can call and talk to a counselor or advocate to get more information if you think this might be a fit. I may have suggested this before, I can't remember. I just wanted to throw it out there in case it is helpful.

Good luck.

I was just going to suggest that.
I cant imagine how hard it must be, I wish you lived in the UK my old house is empty but furnished still and you could have used it. x

 

[PrincessMommy]

You poor thing get out of there by any means necessary- call every shelter you can. Even if you have to deal with your moms bf for a bit, you may even need to do that to get to a better place. I can't imagine how upset you are right now, but we are all here for mental support! Feel free to message me, rant, w.e you need to do feel better. I don't have a whole lot of helpful advice on the situation, but I will certainly listen to anything you wanna get out of your system

 

[vixie27]

Why not make him leave xx

 

[PrincessMommy]

^^^ I think that's the best idea yet... He should have to leave. If he really cares about his kids at all.

 

[Ninagrrl]

I would kick him out but can't afford the place without help and assistance would overlap a month. Long enough to default on my lease and get into debt that with assistance I wouldn't be able to pay off. My late payment fees are steep on my rental agreement. My son gets $710 in benefits and the house is $850 a month. If I went with the domestic abuse route local organizations require pressing charges and since he made mistakes in his early adult years he has a felony and would lose his kids. That's not fair on him or the kids since he is a great father, just not a good partner.

Unfortunately, my hands are tied for now. I have spent a couple years now looking for a way out and next fall plan to start school, get a job and get an apartment close to school. It doesn't help that I don't drive which limits how much I can do but if I move into the city for work and school they have public transit.

I will get out of this, it's just a matter of patience. I do appreciate all of the support and suggestions, though, you are all so great.

 

[GrowingMum]

What a rotten situation you are in. Im so sorry you have to deal with this, especially while pregnant. $850 is a lot for rent in your situation. Can you find a place for less? Even a studio apartment. In Idaho I'd think you could find something for half of what you pay now. Even if it's not in the best location or even if it's tiny, thats better than being homeless.

Another option is to look into ways you might be able to make some money from home. If you could establish some extra monthly income for yourself before taking the plunge and leaving FOB, then you'd be in much better shape. One great resource for finding work at home is the forums at wahm.com.

I really hope you find a way out of your current situation soon.

 

[amazed]

Sorry hes such an ass xx

 

[fashionqueen]

Could you ask family to loan you your rent money for one month?