Dont know how to approach this with OH...please help.

[missk1989]

My OH has been given £1000 for getting a 1st on his degree and wants to use it for going to New York with his friend. Originally he was going around april time for a couple of days and I was okay with that. Now though it turns out that due to his postgraduate course he starts in january the first week off he will get is late june and he wants to go then. Thats 2 weeks before we get married! Besides the terrible timing and him leaving me at home with a toddler whilst he has a holiday we can only just afford the wedding and probably wont be getting on honeymoon but he will find another £500 to spend £1500 on a 4 day trip. Im gutted. I want to cry everytime he mentions it and not because he is going away without me but because he always sees things as "him" not "us". Whenever i have something to celebrate I celebrate with him and whenver i have spare money for a treat i treat us a couple. He celebrates with his friends and spends his spare money on himself with no thought for "us". I dont know how to tell him. I dont want to upset him and he is so excited about new york. Would you just get over it and let him go?

 

[fantastica]

Tbh, I think he should be taking you somewhere with the money, especially as you may not be able to afford a honeymoon. I understand he's done well and wants to just use the money to celebrate, but it seems a little selfish imo. No idea how you could approach it though, I know if it was my OH he'd get annoyed (we had a similar thing happen when I was pregnant and he wasn't helping financially - I went mad and he didn't go in the end!) so it depends how you think he'd handle it, you think you'd be able to just talk honestly about it? x

 

[Sofaqueen77]

First of all

Secondly I would take issue with this tbh. Not because he is going away, but I think his priority should be to treat you, not his mates?!?

If my OH choose a holiday with his mates instead of our honeymoon, I would probably go nuclear on him!!

I do think this is something you need to talk to him about asap, but wait until you are not so emotional if possible? Could he compromise? 500 toward NYC, 500 towards a little honeymoon?

xxxx

 

[missk1989]

I just asked him about honeymoon and he said if we ask for money instead of gifts we could use this towards it and get a last minute deal. Sounds fine except that we get married on the saturday and the latest we could go away due to his course would be the monday. Im not willing to get whatever is available for my honeymoon. I want it to be more special than just whats left. The thing is if i told him i didnt want him to go to NY he wouldnt go but I know how disapointed he would be and then i would feel guilty. I cant win with these stupid feelings! lol.

 

[Yo_Yo]

I'd be annoyed big time-you guys have a child together. I think he should be spending that on a holiday for his little family.

 

[weewdy]

Cant you and your oh go to new york togethere?

 

[Perfect_pink]

Could you not maybe sugest that you both go to nyc on your honeymoon that way its the best of both then if you get money as gifts that could be your spending money

We asked for money for a honeymoon, we got married the saturday booked it the sunday and flew early monday, we had 2 weeks in cancun so it is possible to get a decent holiday

 

[Pearls18]

I have to admit I find it strange that when presented with £1000 his first thought despite having a child and fiancé was to go to New York with a friend. If you have the time and money to do your own thing together then ok fine whatever but it sounds like he's putting you guys last, this would upset me quite a bit actually, plus New York us very easy to spiral out of control with costs so £1000 for 4 days may not be enough. If it were me I would explain I think the money would be better spent on a honeymoon or family holiday, I personally think he's being selfish.

 

[tallybee]

I have to admit I find it strange that when presented with £1000 his first thought despite having a child and fiancé was to go to New York with a friend. If you have the time and money to do your own thing together then ok fine whatever but it sounds like he's putting you guys last, this would upset me quite a bit actually, plus New York us very easy to spiral out of control with costs so £1000 for 4 days may not be enough. If it were me I would explain I think the money would be better spent on a honeymoon or family holiday, I personally think he's being selfish.

I agree with this

Don't want to sound harsh but I'd be worried about marrying someone with that kind of mindset :/

I hope he gets his head out of his arse and sees sense hun xx

 

[Bex84]

I agree with pp it does seem odd. Why cant he take you and lo to new york. I know my dh has just got pay rise which got back dated and with extra money his only thoughts have been stuff for us as a family. Could he not do new york as an early honeymoon for you. If you had the money and time for honeymoon fair enough doing something with friends but surely in your situation the first thought should be that he could do a nice honeymoon or something

 

[maryp0ppins]

Very strange imo, why is a holiday with his mates more important than your honeymoon? Is this going to be his stag do?

My oh has recently inherited about 100k from his granddad. We are using it to pay for the majority of our wedding/honeymoon and as a deposit for our first home purchase, he made it very clear from the beginning that this money was "ours" and not "his" and its to go towards our future as a family (including yet unborn children)

 

[sparkle_1979]

I'd be very hurt and would let him know so, priorities very wrong here x

 

[XcupcakeX]

I also find it very strange he is choosing to spend his money on a holiday with a friend instead of his family.

I would expect in your situation to be going to New York with him, or it be going towards your wedding/honeymoon/celebrating as a family. I wouldn't be happy at all if my OH did that. A weekend away on a stag do fine, but New York is something else in my eyes. I can understand why your upset is be fuming x

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

If its one or the other I would be upset x

 

[missk1989]

We cant go to NY together as lo is too young and would be really difficult on such a long flight as well as when we got there and i wont leave him to go just us two. We have had a chat about it and he said he will make sure we have everything we need for wedding and honeymoon before spending anything on his trip and to be fair to him he does look after us paying 90% of the bills and mortgage without complaint. I do feel better about it and it helps to hear that my feelings arent irrational so thanks for your input ladies.

 

[suzib76]

it wouldnt work in our relationship. we are a team, a family and we discuss any major thinsg together. one person does not just get to decide.

we both have weekends away, but i have to check he is ok to stay here with the kids while i go and he does likewise. seems your oh is just assuming you will be altogether happy to take over looking after your lo alone

seems like your oh still has very much a single mans mindset

 

[AP]

I'd hang DH up if he done this. Getting married is one of the biggest events of his life!

 

[Ceejay123]

.

 

[HBGirl]

He would not be going if he were my DH.

 

[CRWx]

I'd slap him with multiple wet fish!

xxx