Dont know how to feel

Discussion in 'Gender Disappointment' started by Aphy, Nov 14, 2019.

  1. Aphy

    Aphy Well-Known Member

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    We have an adorable (and challenging terrible 2s) DS who is my everything and just found out that our next one is also a boy. I don't know how to feel...I'm tearful and happy and sad all in one. I told DH all along that I think it is a boy but he said girl. I was hoping for a girl because my mom is my best friend and now I will never get to experience that. I am happy in that it is easier having a gender you already know and obviously cheaper too but I feel guilty for feeling the way I do, almost as if it means he isn't as wanted as his brother even though that isn't the case. I cant help thinking of everything I will be missing out on. I know that moms and boys have an especially close relationship usually regardless of age but its obviously different.

    I'm writing here just to put my feelings down and get them out of me so I don't bottle it up. Do these feelings ever fade or will they always pop up from time to time as years go?
     
  2. mummy2lola

    mummy2lola Mum to 2 trying for 3

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    I came into here having a feeling I may see u hun,I saw ur “I’m a boy mom for life” I just had a feeling u were a little dissapointed.i know it’s easier said than done but try not to beat urself up for feeling guilty.is this definitely ur last baby or may u be having another in the future? Ur little boy is going to love having a little brother to bond with and they can share the same interests and I’m sure will be best of friends.i wish I knew what to say to make the guilt and dissapointment go away straight away but looking on these forums makes u realise u r not alone in feeling like this and this baby I’m not finding out because I didn’t realise how desperate I am for another girl and I know I would be upset at 16wks if I was told it was a boy so I’m leaving it as a surprise because I know come that day and they place this beautiful baby on me I will love them no matter what and I’m sure it will be the same for u when the time comes xx
     
  3. Aphy

    Aphy Well-Known Member

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    Thanks mummy, this forum really does help to hear and know that it’s ok to feel this way sometimes. I know I will love this baby as much as I love my DS, think I just need to wrap my head around it a bit. Sadly it’s unlikely we will ever be able to afford to have another baba, education etc is terribly expensive here. I don’t want to compromise the type of life I can give my 2 boys just for the chance of maybe having a girl the third time around. I think it will also help once DH and I start talking names and I feel movement, then it will also be easier I think
     
  4. Bevziibubble

    Bevziibubble Well-Known Member
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  5. wanna_baby

    wanna_baby Well-Known Member

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    Aphy, your post reminds me of what I had posted here about 5 years ago when I found out I was having a 2nd boy. I've always wanted girls and was terribly disappointed when 2nd was a boy because we thought that was our last one too... But I am so glad to have the same gender close in age cause they play well together and you do love all of them equally....

    However, I never really got over the void of not having a girl... so here we are 5 years later hoping for the girl I may never have....

    Of course, I tried my best to feel like we weren't trying to have a girl but another baby...

    Perhaps, you might change your mind in the future and go for another or just learn to love being the mother of boys...

    Just wanted to let you know, you are not alone in this feeling, I felt robbed of that right of having a daughter... then came to terms with it....
    When that bundle is in your arms, you'll forget you even wished for a girl!!
     
  6. Aphy

    Aphy Well-Known Member

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    Thank you wanna_baby, I suspected the feeling of missing out will never totally go away even though I know I will be very happy with my healthy baby boy once he is here. I’m now deciding on what to do with things I was potentially holding onto- like my wedding dress. I kept it for in case I have a girl and she wants to play dress up in it one day etc but now there isn’t much point. I have found myself purposely not letting myself think about the disappointment, not sure if that’s a good idea or not
     
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  7. MonicaLively

    MonicaLively Member

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    Don't feel guilty for being a little sad, it's normal. You will still love the child more than life itself, no issue there, but you know from personal experience what bond can be created between a mother and daughter, so don't be hard on yourself for feeling this way. Everyone has preferences, but in the end, we love our kids for what and who they are, no matter what.
     
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  8. Suggerhoney

    Suggerhoney 41 and Pregnant :)

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    Its totally normol to feel all those feelings hon. Dont feel guilty.
    I have 2 grown up children from a previous relationship a girl and a boy.
    And me and my husband have a 9 yr old boy 7 yr old daughter and 5 month old boy.
    I find my boys are really layed back but girls really bossy and loud.
    We are going to ttc our last baby next year and although the main goal is a healthy baby
    Deep down I wud love another wee boy.
    Girls are great to dress up and stuff but boys are just so chilled and layed back. Girls grow up alot faster than boys to. Hope that helps.
    I love my 2 girls so much but my gosh they are hard work lol
     
  9. Babybump87

    Babybump87 Mummy to my three musketeers

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    Sorry your feeling down, it will pass don’t be too hard on yourself . Wondering if you would keep your wedding dress for any future daughter in laws? . I am very close to my mother in law and we are like mother and daughter . Maybe you might get that relationship with your sons future wives. .

    I agree after having 2 DDs and then DS . Boys are so much chilled out and relaxed ! I am sure you will all have loads of fun once he’s here xx
     

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