Don't know what to do?

[xZoeyx]

Sorry that meant to say Citizens Advice Beureau, and will be your local council who do it!

 

[JessicaaJadex]

I too live in Bournemouth lol.

I would be very careful about this as there are a lot more stipulations than meet the eye with how contact works, it's not as easy as just not having him on birth certificate. Go to your local advice place and get proper legal advice if you want to do things properly.

He doesn't deserve to play a part if he can't do it now. He obviously has a lot more growing up to do first!

Do you know where the best place would be to get this legal advice? He is now telling me that he is going to take me to court if I don't let him see his child, but is refusing to see him with me being present. I'm literally at breaking point, he is so manipulative and a nasty piece of work.

I'm happy to do some sort of supervised visitation, but I couldn't live with myself if I were to leave him alone with my son- and this isn't for any sort of spiteful reasons, i'm worried for the safety of my son. First of all, he's a major chain smoker, and smokes constantly during the day. He drinks A LOT and becomes very aggressive when under the influence. He has also been known to take drugs whilst he goes out into town, simply because he's been egged on by his irresponsible friends. He doesn't have a job and can't drive, and he lives with his parents (which is fine because I still live with my mum), but the problem is that his parents are alcoholics, and can drink 2 bottles of wine between them every night. What worries me is that if something were to happen in their care, how could they possibly do anything about it? I don't drink, and neither does my mum, so if something were to happen we'd be able to see to my baby's needs immediately.

I just don't know how to deal with this anymore, i feel like i'm not going to have a choice but to watch my son go into his care, knowing its unsafe. It's reducing me to tears and I can't sleep anymore. I wish there was more I could do

Don't go through this alone. I'm here and so are all the girls on this page. I'm not a teen so probably shouldn't be posting here, I'm 23. But I couldn't help it as a lot of the advice you have been given here isn't fully correct. A parent will always have visitation rights unless the courts can prove they are a danger to the child. The plus side is you CAN opt to always be present at visitations and neither the court nor the father can say different unless of course you become a danger to the child, and again, the court would have to prove this.

The mother always has been and always will be the favourable parent for the child to reside with unless it can be proved that as I say, you are deemed an "unfit mother".

It's very VERY in depth, if you wanted to refuse access outright you would have to go through a hell of a lot, and in my personal opinion the child deserves a chance to have a dad, unless he proves he is totally incapable and is causing more harm than good.

Your local CAB will help you with everything, I'm not sure where your nearest is, mine would be Bournemouth but I imagine they have one in Poole? I could google it if you like.

If you need anything, I'm only a PM away.

No, thank you so much for being able to answer my questions. I've been going out of my mind recently. I'm glad you have told me this, because i begun to doubt myself when he told me that I wouldn't have a choice when it comes to supervised visitations, but knowing that i will always have a choice whether to be present or not has made things a lot easier for me.

I very much doubt they would be able to deem me an unfit mother- I have a job, I will be going back to college, I don't drink alcohol or smoke full stop (i've never been interested in going out) and I have a safe environment for my child to live in.

I will google 'CAB' now and see what I can find, but hopefully i'll be able to get some advice from the parenting group I attend, on friday. Thank you so much for your help, it's times like this when i'm glad I have this group to turn to!

Your CAB is your "Council Advice Beureu" (possible spelling mistake there!).

I imagine there is one in Poole, they are everywhere. It wouldn't even matter if you smoked or drank once in a while, to be deemed unfit you have to be a drug user or have no suitable living premises, or be considered an alcoholic, and there is a few other things that could deem you unfit, money is normally never anything to do with it, and since you live with a parent that will too go in your favour.

No point crying over him because it's your Son too and you will sort this out one way or another.

Thank you, I just want to do anything to keep my baby safe, and it stresses me out not knowing the final outcome (not to mention my hormones are through the roof this week!). Hopefully I can find some advice on friday, but if all else fails I'll be looking into an appointment at the local CAB.

Thankyou again for your advice!

 

[KsMommy]

Don't put him on the birth certificate don't call when the baby is born dont give him the chance to see it or get attached
That's what I did with my first daughter then if he ever realizes she's alive he has to go to court and prove he's her father

 

[JessicaaJadex]

Don't put him on the birth certificate don't call when the baby is born dont give him the chance to see it or get attached
That's what I did with my first daughter then if he ever realizes she's alive he has to go to court and prove he's her father

I won't be, I'm totally done with him now. I was in the maternity hospital again this weekend with complications to my kidney, and he hasn't once asked me how I or the baby are, even though he knew I was in there. This is the third time I've spent a weekend in the maternity hospital and not once did he come and visit me. If he can't be bothered to contact me in times like this, so he definitely doesn't deserve any contact from me!

 

[skye93]

It's actually ilegal to leave the birth certificate blank in Australia, but if you have the option where you live maybe that would be the way to go. I'd be seeking legal advice and cut your losses.
Sorry he is being such an ass.

 

[fashionqueen]

Claim the child support -put the money in a savings account. Then if you have an emergency you can use it, or keep it for your child when they're older ( you don't need to tell them where it's from). Think of it practically it doesn't mean you aren't independant.

 

[nolansmom]

It''s not "different" anywhere - DNA is DNA and in some places you'll have to confirm either way with a DNA test.. More than that why wouldn't you want to name your child's father on certificate? Children eventually see long form birth certificates so why wouldn't you want your child to know exactly who the father is etc.. You're doing the right thing regardless nd eventually your child will know that..

 

[JessicaaJadex]

It''s not "different" anywhere - DNA is DNA and in some places you'll have to confirm either way with a DNA test.. More than that why wouldn't you want to name your child's father on certificate? Children eventually see long form birth certificates so why wouldn't you want your child to know exactly who the father is etc.. You're doing the right thing regardless nd eventually your child will know that..

I'd just like to make it clear that HE is the one who has told me to leave him off the birth certificate. I wouldn't have even considered it if he hadn't said it first. My child will always know who his father is, regardless of the situation.

 

[sillysapling]

I read about half of the thread, I'm sorry if you've already gotten this advice or if it turns out this advice is bad.

I know it's different in the UK than US, but it can't hurt to keep a record of everything. Keep a record of him blocking all contact from you, of him saying he doesn't want on the birth certificate, etc. Keep a record of all the times that you were in the hospital with complications and he made no attempts to contact you, visit you, etc.

Like I said, there's a different in how things work and even in the US this isn't always helpful- but it certainly won't hurt. It might help to be able to show that he has not been involved in the pregnancy of his own choice, that you aren't trying to force him out. You never know what information you might need, it's better to record it all now rather than having to struggle to put it together later.

 

[surprisepg]

I too live in Bournemouth lol.

I would be very careful about this as there are a lot more stipulations than meet the eye with how contact works, it's not as easy as just not having him on birth certificate. Go to your local advice place and get proper legal advice if you want to do things properly.

He doesn't deserve to play a part if he can't do it now. He obviously has a lot more growing up to do first!

Do you know where the best place would be to get this legal advice? He is now telling me that he is going to take me to court if I don't let him see his child, but is refusing to see him with me being present. I'm literally at breaking point, he is so manipulative and a nasty piece of work.

I'm happy to do some sort of supervised visitation, but I couldn't live with myself if I were to leave him alone with my son- and this isn't for any sort of spiteful reasons, i'm worried for the safety of my son. First of all, he's a major chain smoker, and smokes constantly during the day. He drinks A LOT and becomes very aggressive when under the influence. He has also been known to take drugs whilst he goes out into town, simply because he's been egged on by his irresponsible friends. He doesn't have a job and can't drive, and he lives with his parents (which is fine because I still live with my mum), but the problem is that his parents are alcoholics, and can drink 2 bottles of wine between them every night. What worries me is that if something were to happen in their care, how could they possibly do anything about it? I don't drink, and neither does my mum, so if something were to happen we'd be able to see to my baby's needs immediately.

I just don't know how to deal with this anymore, i feel like i'm not going to have a choice but to watch my son go into his care, knowing its unsafe. It's reducing me to tears and I can't sleep anymore. I wish there was more I could do

Sorry you are going through this, I would go seek some legal advice and put something in paper. I also would apply for child support. If he can make a baby he can pay for the baby.