Don't know what to do

[celestek89]

I'm at my wits end right now. LO has been 'acting out' for the past few weeks and i dont know what to do about it. If she gets upset or anything she'll scream at the top of her lungs (i posted about this the other day) but also has started to hit, scratch and pinch me. I feel that for her to be doing this, i must have made a mistake somewhere , whether it be over spoiling, too much attention, not enough attention or something. She doesn't do it with her dad. She's only 14 months old, whats it going to be like when she hits terrible 2's? I feel like such a bad mum right now =(

Has anyone got any advice? Has anyone been through this too? If so what did you do about it?

I'm trying so hard to be fair with her, and play with her, and teach her things, but right now i don't want to in fear of a 'tantrum'

 

[Lulu]

No advice as such but I'm having a similar situation with my done, although he's 29 months. Yesterday I had to abandon my trolley in the supermarket after he kicked me in the stomach 3 times and slapped my face twice (he was sitting in the trolley and he wanted to walk). He then ran away from me in the car park when I unlocked the car!! I tried really hard not to lose it, but I did to an extent. Not my happiest moment as a mummy and I still feel like a crap mum! Sorry not really what yo want to read but just to let you know you're not alone.

Sometimes it just takes time to step back and try to figure out what is being the tantrums - is tiredness (in either of you), is frustration from LO at not being able or allowed to do something, etc. Still all easier said than done when your in the moment dealing with the situation.

(Hugs) hope things work out

 

[QTPie]

Hi honey, they all go through stages of jndesirable/challenging phases: you can't avoid them, all you can do is survive them and handle them as best you can

Whatever, do no blame yourself! She hasn't got this behaviour from anything that you have done! (assuming you don't go around pinching and scratching your OH... ). Most likely she has picked it up from being with or watching other kids (nursery, playgroup, friends/family or the park etc).

Screaming - ignore it. If she doesnt get a reaction, then she will get bored of it (with time).

I haven't really had to handle violence except for biting (and not really malicious, just frequent!). I had no tolerance (although it still took time to handle, but I think it was teething related too...).

No tolerance. I say "no biting! That hurt mummy". Then I just leave him in timeout (in playpen/room) and go. I leave him for a few minutes (him crying) - giving myself time to calm down too! - then go back, repeat "no biting, that hurt mummy", we hug, then back to normal. Not an instant answer, but....

Chances are that she is teething, frustrated and lashing out.... Children ALWAYS do this to the person who loves them most and whose love they are most sure of (normally mum!). So it is a back handed compliment...

The important thing is to be firm, consistent and survive it (with sanity intact and not killing LO ). Get out LOADS, remember to continue to praise all of the good things that she does (good for her to remind her that she loves it when you are pleased at her and good for you to remind you what great things she does too) and try to arrange plenty of breaks: speak to OH, say it is rough going (at the moment) and arrange times when you can just get some "you" time. If you get a little time away (maybe go for a swim in the evening or something), then you are better equipped to handle the bad times....

 

[RachA]

Hi honey, they all go through stages of jndesirable/challenging phases: you can't avoid them, all you can do is survive them and handle them as best you can

Whatever, do no blame yourself! She hasn't got this behaviour from anything that you have done! (assuming you don't go around pinching and scratching your OH... ). Most likely she has picked it up from being with or watching other kids (nursery, playgroup, friends/family or the park etc).

Screaming - ignore it. If she doesnt get a reaction, then she will get bored of it (with time).

I haven't really had to handle violence except for biting (and not really malicious, just frequent!). I had no tolerance (although it still took time to handle, but I think it was teething related too...).

No tolerance. I say "no biting! That hurt mummy". Then I just leave him in timeout (in playpen/room) and go. I leave him for a few minutes (him crying) - giving myself time to calm down too! - then go back, repeat "no biting, that hurt mummy", we hug, then back to normal. Not an instant answer, but....

Chances are that she is teething, frustrated and lashing out.... Children ALWAYS do this to the person who loves them most and whose love they are most sure of (normally mum!). So it is a back handed compliment...

The important thing is to be firm, consistent and survive it (with sanity intact and not killing LO ). Get out LOADS, remember to continue to praise all of the good things that she does (good for her to remind her that she loves it when you are pleased at her and good for you to remind you what great things she does too) and try to arrange plenty of breaks: speak to OH, say it is rough going (at the moment) and arrange times when you can just get some "you" time. If you get a little time away (maybe go for a swim in the evening or something), then you are better equipped to handle the bad times....

This ^^^

As QT said - it isn't anything you've done or not done. All chidden go through this at some point.

Find a method of dealing with it that you like and that works and be consistent with it.

 

[Dimples81]

terrible twos doesn't mean that she will be worse as she gets older, they can go through this phase earlier or later. It sounds like she is going through it a little earlier than you thought! Children often get frustrated at this age as they are going through alot of changes. Also they understand a higher ratio of things than they can actually express and the lack of ability to express this (not having the vocab/language needed) can cause tantrums of frustration.

Set your boundaries clearly now and don't move the goalposts. Help her put names to her feelings "im sorry you are feeling angry/sad/frustrated but we do not (insert innapropriate behaviour here)" you will probably feel a bit daft doing it but it will help her express her feelings in the long term and make links.

 

[JASMAK]

I agree that this is a phase. I think ignoring her when she is having a temper tantrum is a good idea, and also maybe seeing WHY she is having a temper tantrum so perhaps you can avoid some of the things surrounding it. For example...should she have an earlier nap? Is she over-tired? Is she hungry? Bored? If you can avoid any of those things, if it is related, that might help. Other than that, she is testing her boundaries, is all, and perhaps a little frustration if she is trying to communicate her needs. So, ignore the nasty stuff, sit her down perhaps and say a firm no, and let her know that you are not going to accept that behaviour. When she is being good though...it is VERY important to give her lots of attention and praise...so she likes the good attention and wants to behave more that way.