Dont think that I can take the disappointment

[schnoogles]

First of all, sorry for the pity party . I just have to get this out.

I'm due on my period tomorrow, I have been so convinced that this month was our month and that we will finally get that BFP this time after 19 months of waiting and trying on and off for various reasons.
I have been counting the hours down to testing on Saturday morning, but now I am sat here terrified of another BFN, or worse, getting my period whilst at work tomorrow and having to act normal and happy. I can't take any more waiting or unsuccessful attempts.

We got lucky first time with DS, so never experianced this last time. I have got my hopes up way too high.

 

[Isme]

I'm sorry you're struggling. We haven't been TTC nearly as long (haven't hit the one year mark just yet), but I understand the bitter disappointment each month. It's hard to hold out hope until the very end, because that makes the eventual failure that much harder to handle.

I really hope this is your month.

 

[schnoogles]

Thank you Isme, I know that I just sound moany, it's just such a roller coaster all the time. We don't want people to know that we are trying and how desperate we are, so it's hard not being able to vent to anyone.

I guess we have it easier with my DS being only 3, he is oblivious to our disappointment, it must be harder with older children who you can't hide your feelings from so easily.

Maybe this month will be the one for both of us. I have everything crossed xx

 

[Isme]

Thank you Isme, I know that I just sound moany, it's just such a roller coaster all the time. We don't want people to know that we are trying and how desperate we are, so it's hard not being able to vent to anyone.

I guess we have it easier with my DS being only 3, he is oblivious to our disappointment, it must be harder with older children who you can't hide your feelings from so easily.

Maybe this month will be the one for both of us. I have everything crossed xx

You're allowed to be disappointed. It's okay to vent about your struggles. It's a hard road to be on, and its especially difficult if you don't have anyone you can really talk to about it. That's what we're all here for.

I'm trying to keep it from my girls, because I don't want them to be heartbroken if it turns out we can't have another. This is mainly concerning for my 7-year-old, as she is super sensitive and wants to be a big sister so badly. Unfortunately, it is a bit harder to hide from my tween. (She is a snoop and found some pregnant tests...) She has mixed feelings about another, so I've had to deal with some snarky comments from her that come at the *worst* times. She doesn't know for sure that we're trying, and she often says things that she thinks are funny (but really aren't) because she lacks a filter. Ugh.

 

[schnoogles]

Well, it's reached a new level of cruel, I haven't come on my period today, though I'm now due. I got too excited and took a test this evening and it's a definite BFN. Devastated isn't the word...

 

[Isme]

Well, it's reached a new level of cruel, I haven't come on my period today, though I'm now due. I got too excited and took a test this evening and it's a definite BFN. Devastated isn't the word...

I'm so, so sorry.

That is especially cruel. Could you have ovulated later?