dont want a baby anymore ?

[coralym30]

my fiancé ( soon to be husband ) and I have been trying to conceive for a year he has low sperm count and were finaly going to the fertility clinic on the 13th of this month wich I find usless cause theres no way we could ever afford iui or ivf

Im having weird emotions I don't know how to properly explain it but obviously ive wanted nothing more then to be a mom and its been really hard ive basicly sorta accepted that maybe we will never have a baby so im ready to give up ttc I don't think its ever going to happen so I might as well move on and forget it .

but then some days I think about us having a child and how my fiancé would be an amzing dad and I tell myself ok don't give up

but again its like up and down I wanna give up but I don't ?

ugh im so messed up

 

[pcsoph2890]

Could you just have a break from it all for a while - enjoy early married life and what will be will be..... (but i'm not sure you are really able to stop TTC, as it'll always be in the back of your mind esp when your body is showing the signs of become fertile etc)

Not sure how old you are - but if young then you "should be OK" - if older i would suggest carrying on with the fertility clinic - just to get all the information you need to know. Then when you have all the information on your circumstances then you can decide.

I think it is such an emotional rollercoaster and it;s one way that your head is allowing you to cope with everything and trying to get your head around the issues.

I have become less anal about charting, doing opk's as it gets me upset when we are not able to dtd and i think that it is another month wasted - as hubby has a low count also - and we are at the stage where he is provided another sample, to be washed to see whether IUI or IVF will be better for us. But i have come to the realisation that it might not happen for me either - but i am 38 in April, so the clock is literally ticking for me now, and chances of being sucessful at my age drastically reduces when i become 38 (to about 40%) But it's 40% more than what we are acheiveing at the moment! But at least where i live we get one free IVF on the NHS, after that we would have to fund it ourselves (which we do not have the money for) so not really holding out much hope to be honest. We have been TTC for 18 months now...

So i understand your pain and thoughts exactly. I keep making me think perhaps it isn't meant to be for me (us).... what the options would be if it was not meant to be - adoption? Not sure whether that would be for us - but i suppose it is something we have to consider i think....

Good luck in whatever you decide - but just enjoy being married, if your relationship is strong you'll be able to get through whatever you both decide!

 

[Feisty Fidget]

We are coming up to our 3 year anniversary of LTTTC, but we have been unable to try since June last year due to medical complications

We have literally been forced to have a year off, and boy has it helped me mentally! I agree that taking a break by choice would have been impossible, it took months for me to physically not be able to try before TTC wasn't constantly on my mind.

I now have some perspective and there are some days when I look at my life and realize how much having a baby would change it - not always for the better. Yes I want to be a Mum, but after all of our issues and with still no reason in sight, I am starting to accept that I need to have a back up plan in-case we never get to be biological parents.

Don't beat yourself up over these feelings, they are completely normal, do what is right for you

 

[Princess Lou]

I have times where I want to give up and so does my hubby but we keep asking ourselves if we will be okay with the decision we make now when it's too late? Personally I'm afraid that my 40 year old self won't be able to forgive the me now for giving up so I'm not. However, it was not an easy decision and still something I battle with so hubby and I are taking advantage of the counselling service our fertility clinic offers.

Can you cope with stopping? Do you think you'll be comfortable with the decision in X amount of years when it's too late? Can you see your future without children? There are all hard questions but questions that need to be answered before a decision is made that will impact the rest of your life. If you are not 100% comfortable stopping, don't. Take time off, focus on your wedding then come back to it if it's getting too much but don't rush into a decision just because you are having a bad time. Also, see your specialist, you never know what they will say.

Good luck. x

 

[foquita]

I started a similar thread a few days ago, I know exactly how you feel because I'm having the same thoughts!

I think it is a defence mechanism, we try to protect ourselves by pretending/acting like we don't really want it. that's my guess anyway

 

[kiki04]

Yeah I am in the same boat... I am thinking of just being done all together. I just dont think it was in the cards for us to have another.... so we just got another dog.... and I realise she is going to now be my baby. This part sucks... the acceptance phase. Ugh.