Don't want to go back to work

[Enasy]

I am due to go back to work in September, but everyday all I can think of is how I can't. I can't bear to leave my little guy, I don't trust anyone else to look after him even tho I work in a childcare environment. I don't want to pay other people to look after him while I get paid to look after other people's children. It's starting to be all I can think of all day everyday, I cry on a daily basis and worry about possibly having to be separated from my baby. I talked to my partner about it and he replies with "don't worry about it we will sort something out" but I know we don't have money. Luckily we don't have a mortgage or household bills just food bills,cars and mobile phones. We live in a flat that is on the side of my in laws house, they Are elderly and like having us around, they won't except rent from us. So it's a win win situation.

It took us a long time to conceive and I had a difficult pregnancy, I don't know whether this has affected how attached I am to our baby, but I really don't think I could cope going back to work. On the switch side I feel guilty about not wanting to return to work. That people would look down on me for not working

 

[Pink Sarah]

Aww I go back in August just wrote my back to work letter and I am not looking forward to it! No advise really other than try your very hardest to make the most of every day you have and not spend it worrying. Make sure lo has plenty of visits to childcare setting before starting so you can both get used to it xxx

 

[FAB mama]

How old is he now? I felt exactly the same as you and ended up quitting. We only get a 3 month leave maximum here and I knew that wasn't enough. I wasn't very happy with my job so that didn't help, but I didn't want a new job either.

I had a fairly easy pregnancy and easy time conceiving so I doubt that is the reason you feel as you do. I think some moms just NEED to be with their little ones.

We found a way to handle it, but finances have become increasingly stressful so I found a job and start tomorrow actually. I was very upset at first with the job offer, but I think it may be for the best. My little boy is almost 2.5 so it's probably time to go back. If I could, I would stay home and have more kids and be home with them all, but in reality I need to keep up with my career or else I'll lose it all I think.

If it turns out that you must go back, you will adapt. You will have some time to yourself to think in peace (I miss that!) and you will be OK.

 

[Enasy]

My little guy will be 9months next week, I have 12months maternity leave. Don't know how you cope with only 3months. We have been looking at finances to see if we could manage me not working. I've never even left him with family, I love being around him. I feel so lucky and blessed to be his mum I don't want to miss a thing. I'm almost 34 don't have a career really, just a job. Would love to give my little man a brother or sister to before I get too old to be able to.

I think working in childcare too I really feel like I'm looking after other people's children when all I want to do is look after my own.

Deep down too why do I feel guilty for wanting to raise my own children.

 

[Dinah93]

Hi there, I know how you feel. The difficult time conceiving could be part of it, you waited so long you are very aware of the value of every moment as they grow up so fast. My daughter was born 12 weeks early and I was so aware that we'd been told she wouldn't make it that I didn't want to waste a minute of my life away from her. I did return to work on a part time basis for 6 months, was utterly miserable, put in a terrible performance at work as a result, and was so relieved when my team was made redundant in local authority cuts.

Sit down and draw up an exact budget if you don't already have one. Go through your bank statements and put down exactly what you pay for all bills, as well as food, fuel, car maintenance, holidays etc. Try moneysavingexpert.com forums for a good spreadsheet with lots of gaps on where to put everything. Spend the next month tracking where every penny goes, what would you be willing to cut back on/give up to make the budget balance? If we didn't have a mortgage I think we'd have been fine even when hubby was on £16k. It's a lifestyle change but one I would have happily made.

Look at if you'd be entitled to any tax credits, my hubby earns about £25k where I earn about £200 a month teaching kids yoga on hubby's day off when he has the kids, we get child tax credit which helps. You may find very little difference after paying out childcare compared to the cost of working.

I firmly believe in the value of a child always knowing there is a parent/grandparent who is always there for them, my daughter did 3 mornings a week in nursery from 2 1/2 and now is on 5 afternoons in school at 3, and I like that balance, while I don't feel she learns anything there we don't cover at home (by the time she goes to school she should count to 10.... 16 months to go and she already counts to 100 and can subtract and add numbers to 10.... I feel like nursery is killing time academically in some ways!), socially the larger group is valuable.

 

[Smiler82]

Could you be a childminder? That way you can care for your own child plus a few other children and earn some money that way? But great advice from the PP and if it turns out you can afford not to work, then don't work. Don't do anything you may regret as you never get the time back with them and my goodness don't they grow up fast! Don't worry about other people or feel guilty for not wanting to work - your life, your choice

 

[mum140381]

if you want to look after your little boy and can afford not to go back to work or prefer to make cut backs i would quit.
i had to go back to work a number of times and regret it x

 

[vegazbaby]

when we planned the pregnancy it was always with the intention that i would return to work and work part time and my mum would have him,
then reality came in a lovely blue bundler and ive been stuck like glue to him ever since. hes 22 months old and i went back to work for 3 hours before i asked to go home, for us my husband works very long hours, would be up at 4am and home at 6pm and hes never home when he plans as he has to travel to his jobs all over. i certainly didnt want to be earning to pay for childcare, and mum wants me to take my son to her house, which isnt ideal. in the end when i worked out the difference of £200 by the time ive bought make up clothes for work lunch etc i decided to sell my car to cover the shortfall. I am a mum, I love being a mum. my heart aches when i put him to bed and it makes my day in the morning when i hear him say Hello. I have invested too much of my life into a bank who made me redundant overnight, so i have no issue with investing my time into my son. Everyone is different, you can only be the mum you are, the mum you want to be, and if being with your child is what makes you the best mum that you can be, and you feel that you can work through it do it. if it doesnt work then get a job, i do a paper round HA HA, once a month i go out and deliver 700 papers around the village and take my son with me and i get £50 which pays for our days out, swimming etc. there is nothing wrong with being a mum who wants to work, or doesnt want to work , you have to do what is right for your circumstances. out of my group of 3 mums, all the same ages kids, im the only one at home, one works nights and the other works 3 days a week with lo in nursery, each of us have found what works individually and respect each others choices. see if you can extend your leave a little bit longer, or try and push out your keep in touch days. see what cut backs you could make to make it work, and see if you are entiteld to any form of tax credit or universal credit, but never ever feel guilty or unworthy for wanting to raise your child

 

[Pink Sarah]

I handed my back to work letter in yesterday due back 14th sept and although it's a few months yet I know it will fly by!! X