Don't want to offend anyone.... weird thoughts

[Euronova]

She didn't say why but just said that it does increase chances of getting pregnant but there is a higher risk of miscarriage in early pregnancy.
So I guess no relaxing until the first scan at least... I plan to try and keep it as secret as possible when and if I ever get a BFP.
I can completely relate to want you are saying, it might sound strange, I am not actually baby mad, I just long to be pregnant... I just really want that feeling, I know we will have fun dealing with the end result but if it makes sense I want more to get pregnant than have a baby? (now I am sounding weirder by the day!)

 

[Lawgirl]

I really can understand how you feel. I had two m/cs in 2009, but have not been able to get pg since then. Although the m/cs were soul destroying at the time, the pain of that has been eclipsed by my inability to get pg again. I would give anything to be pg again, even if that resulted in a m/c.

 

[Dazed]

I'm sorry you feel this way hun, but I can totally understand. At times I almost wish it would happen again just so I can say I was pregnant again. Its been well over a year since my loss and I know now it was a fluke pregnancy and deep down, I know I'll never be pregnant again.

 

[blueeyedgirl1]

I think FuturePhotos said it very well.

And whilst I can understand what you mean (we all want to know we work, that we're not broken), having a MC will make a woman feel just as broken (if not more so) than not getting a BFP at all.

I must admit I've come into this section of the TTC forums cautiously. At times I feel judged by other women who are LTTTC for having had a BFP. Like I'm insulting them and I should just be happy it happened, even though I lost my baby.

Bottom line is, we all feel broken, don't we?

And trust me, you wouldn't want my experience of a MC...three days, two nights in hospital, with no guidance and not a single doctor who will talk to you - only knowing that your baby is dead and your body has failed. Wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

 

[Feisty Fidget]

I will admit I was a bit shocked when I first started reading this thread but thinking about some of the god awful things that I think sometimes I can see both sides.

I am sure that when we were trying before sprout I longed for any kind of pregnancy (possibly even resulting in a miscarriage) however after going through a loss I can honestly say that a pregnancy ending in a miscarriage is far worse in my opinion. Although I would never wish that I didn't fall pregnant with Sprout I am deeply saddened that for me pregnancy has been tainted with fear that my body will fail me again. We have been trying since December last year and still no hint of a So this coupled with our loss has me convinced something serious is wrong whereas before Sprout I just used to worry about falling pregnant, now I have to worry about what is wrong, will I ever fall pregnant and will I ever carry to term.

Euronova thank you so much for the information your Gynae gave you, Sprout was a clomid baby and I asked my GP if this could have caused the loss and was told no. You have however brought me a tiny bit of peace, if I have a natural perhaps I won't have a miscarriage as I can blame it on the clomid!

 

[wanting2010]

My RE actually mentioned that oral fertility meds may heighten the risk for miscarriage as well. I was on Clomid when I miscarried. Not sure if it was related, but it does make you think.

 

[Euronova]

Euronova thank you so much for the information your Gynae gave you, Sprout was a clomid baby and I asked my GP if this could have caused the loss and was told no. You have however brought me a tiny bit of peace, if I have a natural perhaps I won't have a miscarriage as I can blame it on the clomid!

This prompted me to do a quick search. Clomid increases the likelihood of fertilisation of the egg, however it is known to be detrimental to the lining of the uterus (thinning it) and therefore it doesn't help with implantation and can cause early miscarriage.

 

[Feisty Fidget]

Well if it is the lining it effects I am not too sure if this is what caused our loss as we had a MMC and the little tyke was still snuggled down in my lining at what should have been 10 weeks. But I remember when I started taking it I wondered if forcing my body to release eggs it didn't want to was wise

 

[babypink2010]

I 2 have had these thoughts you are not alone, however i feel so bad for thinking them, And feel for anyone been in the position,,

 

[susan_1981]

I've had 2 miscarriages and I have to say, I can completely see where you are coming from. I look at all the girls on here who have never fallen pregnant, especially the ones who have nothing evidently wrong with them or their partners, and I do think that, if all else fails (i.e. IVF in my case), at least it has happened naturally for me twice so I just live in hope that if IVF fails, then it can happen naturally.

The thing is, everytime you tell someone about having troubles TTC (although I haven't told many - not something I particularly like talking about), they always know someone whose going through or has gone through the same thing. It just shows how common it is!

But yeah, I know where you are coming from. When I had my MMC 3 years ago, the FS said to me that, although obviously a miscarriage is a very upsetting thing, she said that the positive side for me was that I carried up to 7 weeks (I think 6 weeks is a very crucial phase) and she said that that suggests I have no problems carrying a child. So I have to think myself "lucky" in that respect but it doesn't stop it from hurting any less. But then I've been through the phase of crying every time my period arrived and now, I think I'm in the acceptance stage that if this doesn't happen for me, then I just have to make the most of what I do have.

But the other thing that has amazed me is (I read a lot of true stories) the amount of women out there who haven't been able to fall pregnant, they focus on something else, like adoption, fostering or even moving house, and bam, they're pregnant. It really does seem that when you aren't thinking about it, it happens! Easier said than done I think! Even if I was moving house, I think I'd still find time for a quickie around ov time!

 

[kiki04]

I can totally see what you are saying, but from someone who is one the other side of the fence.. having my baby with me til almost 17 weeks and it dies, to me, is way worse then never getting pg The pain is unbearable, it leaves a scar and an imprint on your heart you will never lose or forget and changes everything forever. IMO having something and loving it with all you have and it being ripped away so awfully is worse then never having it at all....

However, I totally 100% do know from friends of mine, the pain of not being able to conceive. It hurts... bad. Just for me personally, I would rather have never been pg in the first place, then be given something so wonderful and have it ripped away

 

[readyformore]

amount of women out there who haven't been able to fall pregnant, they focus on something else, like adoption, fostering or even moving house, and bam, they're pregnant!

Sorry, but this is absolutely not true. According to the RESOLVE website, the statistics are the same. You are not more likely to conceive if you adopt, change focus, etc.

You just don't hear about the person that ttc for years, adopts, and then doesn't get pregnant. It's more talk worthy if someone does get pregnant, kwim.

 

[Feisty Fidget]

readyformore thanks for that tip hun I know that people are only trying to help when they suggest focusing on something else but it really winds me up. I have even spoken to women who struggle to conceive for years and then once they are lucky enough to fall and carry to term they have told me I need to focus on something else and not try so hard

Although I respect everyone's opinion I still believe that until you have been in both situations you can't give an informed account. I don't mean to offend anyone but that is just my opinion

 

[Cridge]

I too know what you mean and it's perfectly okay to feel that way sometimes. I have PCOS and never see even a + OPK either, so I know how frustrating it is when your body just doesn't work - even with medical help! I do know the joy of a BFP as I have a 9 year old son that we finally got after 4 years of trying. I was absolutely terrified I'd mc and I can't even imagine going through all these years of ttc for it to end in a mc. For me, I'd rather go through what I go through (no + anything) than to have a mc, but I totally understand how you feel.

That being said, I've been "training" my brain that if I ever do get pregnant again, it'll probably end in a mc. I just feel like my body is too broken to do anything right and I have to gear up for the worst. It's just bad for all of us all the way around, isn't it?

 

[onmymind17]

I know this is going to sound awful and really I actually don't wish it on anyone but I keep seeing signature of people who had miscarriages...

I can't even begin to imagine the pain but I can't even have a positive OPK.... let alone a positive HPT....

I sort of wish sometime that i had been even a bit pregnant... just so i would feel it is possible... even just for a few days.... I know how horribly disappointed I would be if it did not stick but I seem so far from ever being pregnant... I sort of get jealous of women who have been that wee bit closer to the goal...

how bad is that.... anyone felt the same?

LOL, it does not sound bad, i can understand your thinking, but trust me, its waaaaaaaay worse. I have had 4 m/c and every time you see those two lines your heart jumps up in your throat, and you are so freaking excited, only to have that taken away, for some of us time and time again. It really sucks to never see a bfp, i know i was that way for well over a year, but it sucks even more to know that baby was growing, and now all of a sudden its gone. The worst one for me was when i went 9 weeks, i got to see the u/s, it looked like a little gummy bear on its back sigh....... I really would not wish that pain on anybody. But i can also see what your saying, i sure hope that one day very soon you get to see a bfp, and it sticks around for 9 months. Never give up hope that it can and will happen, i know i have not yet

 

[readyformore]

I have even spoken to women who struggle to conceive for years and then once they are lucky enough to fall and carry to term they have told me I need to focus on something else and not try so hard

That former ltttc people would actually say that!

Well, if it's any consolation, while ltttc my first, I was hyperfocused, obsessed, and crying all the time. To add to my stress, my grandfather died and his funeral was on my birthday, 2 days prior to my 4th IUI.

And I still got pregnant with an uncomplicated full term pregnancy (and since it's been brought up, I was on clomid at the time).

Stress all you need too. Personally, I don't think it makes much difference.

 

[urchin]

First off we all have odd thoughts on here (hands up anyone who has never cursed when they heard of someone else's pregnancy? - like there's some kind of quota to people who can get pregnant and a friend being successful decreases your own chances!)

and I'm shocked that someone should get thrown off a
forum for voicing the confusion of thoughts that's going round in their brain.

As for me, I think the replies in this thread prove that for some people knowing they have been pregnant once is a comfort - and for other people it's worse than never having been pregnant in the first place .... And a word of warning that you never know which camp you'll be in til it happens to you.

I guess my take on it, is that having miscarried I am no closer to my goal than I was before. The goal is a take home baby and there are no second prizes. This is a binary system - there is Living Breathing Baby or No Baby ... And nothing at all in between. I am not part way there, I have nothing to build upon for next time. I am as childless
as I ever was.

 

[Imalia]

While I can understand the way you feel, I can see both sides, having been there.

Having been ttc for 14 years, and our angel falling asleep at 20 weeks last year, at first I felt like you. At least I know I CAN get pregnant. But mostly, I wish I had just never been pregnant at all if I wasn't going to get to bring home my baby.

 

[cooch]

I too have never had my BFP or baby, but I would never ever want to go through a MC- it would be utter grief. I totally get everyone's point of view as I think most people have.

I'm sure I have read online that someone who has never been pregnant has less of a chance of a healthy pregnancy than someone who has had MC- this was not confirmed by a health care professional but it has stuck with me considering my position. Please don't be offended by me posting this as it has only stuck with me due to my own position- it may not be fact. I also understand that a MC does not guarantee anything and the loss of what would have been your baby is not something insignificant. I would feel dead inside from the hope and promise to have been stolen away from me. My heart goes out those who have suffered MC.

As for Clomid I would ask for Femara instead. Clomid stays in your body for up to 6 weeks whereas Femara is up to 6 days, giving the ovulation boost but leaving your body before implantation. Clomid is also supposed to make periods lighter reducing the lining and dries the CM needed for BFP.

But really what we all want is a crystal ball to confirm babies and BFP- this would make life easier.

 

[urchin]

I would like a pouch like a kangaroo - so I can look in it and see
for myself if there's a baby in there