Don't want to offend anyone.... weird thoughts

[BobDog]

i get where your coming from. i've had m/c's in the past previously, but i've NEVER had a positive HPT. though i've had it proven on 6 occasions that i've had an m/c. even though i've never known i was pg, i still appreciate that i can get there, even though there is the pain of knowing i had a baby growing for the little time they were there. the dr's don't think there is a reason for it other than poor quality eggs.

but i really do have sympathies for those who have never had they joy of knowing you can actually get pregnant. i think it makes ttc that bit more difficult, and i can't help but wish and pray that each and every lovely lady on here gets the joy and thrill of having their blessing soon.

i think that hope is a powerful thing, and it lingers there even though you feel in despair, and when you feel at a loss somehow hope gives the strength to carry on.

if it would help i will amend my signature so's not to cause any hurt.

xxx

 

[Buttonsbabe86]

Yes, you have all worded EXACTLY how I feel, and i'm so glad you brought it up as well.

No-one understands when you try and describe it to people, they just think you're sadistic. My DH sort of understands but he doesn't have that worry that he might not be able to produce children and just says worst case scenario we'll adopt. But it's wanting to know that feeling of life inside you, and knowing that you can fulfill the ultimate womanly duty and that if somehow you can't, you've failed in a big way and let your DH and family down, and it's frustrating because apart from do and take what the doctors tell you too it's out of your hands!

I really thing this was a brilliant thread Thank you

 

[Sambatiki]

Its been 3.5 years since my MC and I guess I know that my body managed to get pregnant..... once. I had many a comment that 'well atleast you know you can get preggers' it still doesnt bring my baby back. MC is a devasting thing for any couple to have to go through and tbh I'd rather not know what its like to be preggers than to suffer a loss. Just because I managed to get pregnant once doesnt mean that I can do it again.

I must admit that reading the thread did get my back up a bit... but as we all know LTTC does seem to make you feel funny things.

Best of luck to everyone.... I hope you all get your take home baby's very soon xxx

 

[foreskinresto]

Just wanted to say thanks for being so honest and please know you are not alone. I have had similar feelings many times. 22 months and not a hint of a BFP... it definitely is tough.

 

[Soili]

They say that 50% of first pregnancies end up in very early miscarriage, as in chemical pregnancy. The biggest reason to that is chromosome abnormalities. And most women don't even know it happened to them. If we're taking about those miscarriages, then yes, I do sometimes with I would have one. Because for one thing, it would mean, I ovulated. Been a year without ovulation, so yeah... No ovulation - ZERO percent chance of getting pregnant. It's a whole other thing, knowing that no matter how much you could be trying to get pregnant, each month you have exactly ZERO chance.

However, I wouldn't trade my ZERO chances for a mid-term miscarriage. Basically, if I get to see the baby on the scan and then loose it, I'd rather not be pregnant in the first place.

 

[ILuvBabies200]

I totally get what you're saying!! Although I m/c my 1st IVF baby and the pain was unbearable. I remember saying I wish I would have never got pregnant only for it to be taken away. But I do understand where one is able to get pregnant easily and it is one step forward for them. I get it... :*(

 

[Reb S]

It took my 3 years to get my BFP by IVF and the thrill of the BFP was nothing at all compared to the pain of the miscarriage. I don't wish I had never been pregnant, but my lifethen and now would have been MUCH easier if I hadn't been. I sincerely hope that you never go through it. I understand what you're saying and think you're very brave to bring it up x

 

[Tiki]

I feel the same way. I was told I had a m/c or cp in 2009 and it made me feel good knowing it could happen. I have yet to have another hint of a positive OPK, let alone a HPT. I have had unsuccessful Clomid, and it hurts. I don't want to lose a child, but I feel good knowing that it can happen for me. It is the only thing that keeps me going.

 

[Reb S]

PS I think LTTTC is a really good forum for things like these, as we all know the frustrations of years of trying and wanting and so we can say these things that might offend people or certainly get a reaction in other forums! After all, we've all had bloody years for our brains to think almost everything about TTC!

 

[stellargaze]

I have to be honest-- I don't really understand that feeling. I've been tttc now for nearly 4 years, with no hint of a bfp. Not even a chemical. But that said, my biggest fear is mc. I don't think I could bear to finally have that bfp, and all of the hope and joy, just to have it taken away.

My aunt had 4 mc, and not to be morbid, tried for all of her child-bearing years and never carried a child to term. Having a mc wouldn't give me any hope. She is now a lot older with two grown-up adopted children who we all love very much. (though she didn't try any fertility treatments)

But don't feel bad for your feelings-- we are all entitled to our own fears and hopes. You don't have to justify them to yourself-- we have all had thoughts and feelings through this process that drive us a bit insane!

 

[PugLuvAh]

I understand where you are coming from.

It took us a year to get pregnant the first time and it was utterly devastating to lose it. But the silver lining I CLUNG to was that at least I knew I could get pregnant because I was starting to worry there could be something wrong.

However, having gone through a miscarriage, I would never wish that on my worst enemy and the longer you are trying to get pregnant, the more devastated you would likely be to lose it because for some people it takes quite awhile to get pregnant again (if ever). Feeling those pregnancy symptoms slowly fade was agony. Now, that I am pregnant again I am constantly paranoid of having another miscarriage because honestly I don't think I could emotionally take it. It’s a catch-22; when you have a miscarriage you want to get pregnant again so badly, but when you do you get so worried about having another miscarriage you feel you can’t get too happy about it.

I have 2 LTTC friends who have never had a BFP, and that constant wonder if they can even get pregnant is like torture to them, so I completely sympathize your feelings. For someone who has had a miscarriage, the loss is so great you never want anyone to go through it. Neither feeling is wrong, its just different perspectives.

I hope everything works out for you, good luck xoxo

 

[leylak]

I understand you...
Okay, I would prefer not to have fallen pg but now that I have, I am trying to look at the bright side, it happened once, it can happen again. Tomorrow would be the due date of my lost beanie. Still trying.

 

[Reb S]

Leylak -

 

[readyformore]

Tomorrow would be the due date of my lost beanie. Still trying.

 

[mrsmax]

Totally understand. Before my BFP I felt the same. I never said to anyone, but I did think that TTC with never having a BFP was different to TTC with a m/c. I had one RL friend and we shared our TTC journey. The day she told me she had a m/c I thought "we are different now".
Now, at 13 months I got my BFP and then a week later I m/c. I was gutted but relieved to know I could get pregnant.
Now it has been 3 months since m/c and I am back to square one. Looking into IVF and IUI's.

So, I say you should not feel awful for thinking what you think - tons of us have thought the same and been too worried to say it out loud.

I guess though, as other posters said we are all kind in the same boat. I think anyone that has been trying for about 6-8 months or more hates this journey.
Massive hugs to you and I hope you get your BFP soon

 

[Euronova]

Sometime I think, once i get my sticky bean, I will tell everyone about what you really go through in private but then I think, you prob don't want to think about it again and nobody is that interested anymore....
LTTTC is definitely a hell of a journey.... I just wish we all had our happy ending!

 

[Soili]

Sometime I think, once i get my sticky bean, I will tell everyone about what you really go through in private but then I think, you prob don't want to think about it again and nobody is that interested anymore....

You know, I thought about it too. But then there's another thought. Like once you find out how difficult TTC could get, and start wishing you started trying earlier or that someone would have told you, you (out of pure goodness of heart) want to go and warn everyone about it, so their decision about having kids would be well informed and they would know the other side (and not only "tons of carefree sex NOW, yey!!"). But you can't do it. Because for once, you don't wanna influence someone to start trying when they're not ready, out of fear that it might take them longer. And you don't wanna kill their first months of "woohoo, all the sex" fun times too And for what it's worth, the very people you wanted to warn, probably will get pregnant on first try (that's just how the universe works sometimes)

 

[ClaireBB]

Iv had a mc. Throughout the years i have been told by docs that chance of me having kids is very slim due to a few things. Even though a miscarriage is the worst thing I have ever been through in my life, it made me realise IT IS possible for me to get pregnant. I understand how you feel... But stay positive and it will happen x

 

[wantingagirl]

as someone that has gone through a miscarriage I totally understand where you are coming from. I managed to catch after a long 12 months and then lost beany at nearly 6 weeks. In the neary 3 weeks I loved that baby so so much and was thankful of the short amount of time Ii got to spend with my baby.

I dont understand how you can be insensitive as it hurts for everyone, we are all here for the same reason some have never caught and some who are getting over a loss. Everyone has their own opinion, have to say when I was TTC I was at the end of my tether and wished to just be pregnant even if it did end up as a loss and wish I didnt think that now but its only natrual and in a way yes at least I can get pregnant I just hope I will get a BFP again and the rest of you ladies do too xx

 

[wantingagirl]

I understand you...
Okay, I would prefer not to have fallen pg but now that I have, I am trying to look at the bright side, it happened once, it can happen again. Tomorrow would be the due date of my lost beanie. Still trying.

I feel for you hun.... mine would have been ocotober 24th