Accidents happen all the time
Back in May, I was carrying my baby girl out when the dog barreled against my legs knocking them out from under me causing me to fall and my daughter to go over my shoulder onto the ground
My son had already picked her up by the time I was sitting up. It knocked the breath out of her and scared us all. My son tied the dog up, I ran in the house with DD and called DH who apparently drove like a bat out of hell to get to the house. I'm not sure the car's wheels touched the ground and because I had called ahead (we live out in the country), the police had the intersections blocked for us and a cop pulled infront of us lights flashing to clear the way.
Long story short, after a CT scan revealed a skull fracture, a helicopter ride to the children's hospital 2 hours away, an overnight stay for monitoring, my DD is just fine now. They said because she's so young, it'd heal really quickly. She had a helluva knot on her head for a while there though
and the guilt.
I was bruised myself from being bowled over by the dog but I felt worse knowing I had not been able to keep hold of my baby girl.
The guilt I don't think will ever go away. I mean, it could've been worse, I could've landed on her.
I wanted to kill our dog as well but I know it was just because she was a big young pup. A couple of weeks after this happened, we witnessed her in an excited mood run head-on into the side of our lawnmower.
I'm talking BAM! almost knocking her senseless. So I know it was truly an overexcited big pup happy to see me (we've had her since she was 3 weeks old, mother refused to nurse her so I took care of her). I'm "Mama" to her and she gets super excited.
Thankfully training and time has toned her down and she's much, much better now.
This happened when my daughter was 15 weeks old. She's now 8months and is a healthy baby girl. Everyone assured me at the hospital I'd suffer (guilt, knowledge that I didn't prevent it from happening
) alot longer than she ever will.
They told me at the hospital to watch for any fluids draining from her nose or ears, if she starts crying and I just cannot get her to calm down, vomiting, or if she seemed unresponsive. They didn't say anything about making sure to keep her awake or anything. They did keep a monitor on her all night for her heartrate and breathing. Occasionally checked to make sure eyes were dilating properly.
I hope your lil one is ok and I hope you're able to forgive yourself. Time passing helps but I still remember May 8, 2013 at 5:35 in the evening til the day I die. Don't let the what-ifs and if-only's drive you crazy.