Due date would put us 8 days before my brothers wedding-should we skip TTC this month

[DillyDaffodil]

We're TTC much later than we initially planned due to some major life stuff that happened over the past two years. We're still young(ish, anyway): I'm 31 and my husband is 34.

We just finished our first month of trying - AF is coming today. I'm trying not to be too discouraged, but if we try next month, that will put me with an Oct 8th due date. My big brother's wedding is Oct 1st. To make matters more complicated, it will be held at my parents house in their backyard.

So while I am definitely worried about taking away from their big day, I'm also worried about the strain it would put on my parents. They will have to focus on throwing a huge important party at their house, and clean up from it, but then also deal with the arrival of their first grandchild and wanting to help us.

I'd rather not tell anyone that we're trying yet. Its so early, we don't know if there will be any major road bumps in our way. I'd rather not have everyone up in our business any more than they already are (seriously, if my FIL hints at a baby one more time I'm going to throw him through a window).

I know the right thing to do is just skip this month. But... That is the most disheartening thing ever. We *just* got started

What would you do?

 

[bbbbbbb811]

You know your family more than me, and call me selfish but I wouldn't put ttc on hold. Babies rarely come on time so by the 1st of October you could still have 3 weeks left til you give birth plus I know our family would welcome an addition to any special occasion if the baby was to come early. I'd take my 20% chance of getting pregnant next month and what will be, will be.

 

[Ltweety]

You know your family more than me, and call me selfish but I wouldn't put ttc on hold. Babies rarely come on time so by the 1st of October you could still have 3 weeks left til you give birth plus I know our family would welcome an addition to any special occasion if the baby was to come early. I'd take my 20% chance of getting pregnant next month and what will be, will be.

I agree, you can't put TTC on hold for other people's lives. It may take months and months anyway, but if you try to plan around every event that comes up you will end up waiting forever. My best friend of 20 years had to miss my wedding because she had a baby a month before and it was in Belize. I do not hold it against her in any way. Your DH can go and represent if necessary! I guarantee when you're holding your new born baby in your arms, no one, including yourself, will feel anything but happy!

 

[MoldyVoldy]

I wouldn't wait, either. Baby dust to you

 

[Isme]

I would not wait. Me and my DH are the same age as you and yours. I have 2 children from much earlier (they are 12.5 and 7.5) so I figured it would be no problem to just "get pregnant" when we finally decided to have a third. Apparently being young(ish), and even having been fertile previously, guarantees you nothing. We have been TTC since March with only a CP to show for it. That in mind, I am not willing to skip a single cycle for anything other than a life threatening issue. As someone else pointed out, you only have about a 20% chance in any given month to concieve a baby with well-timed intercourse. Unfortunately, fertility does start to decline in your 30s, and by 35 you are considered to be of "advanced maternal age", so while 31 is still young by many standards... I don't feel safe taking as casual approach to TTC as I would have in my 20s.

All that to say, in your shoes, I would make a good attempt this month. If it happens, then it was meant to be. If nobody knows you are TTC, then it is highly unlikely that they will feel you intended to steal the attention away from the wedding by having sex with your husband 9 months prior.

 

[wintersocks1]

Hello Dilly,
That is a hard decision. I think a lot of these ladies have a good point. You only have a small chance, so it may turn out not to be a problem and if you did get pregnant, I'm sure everyone would be so happy for you and just take it as it comes. I have seen so many weddings where people are live skyping because someone couldn't be there (including a recent wedding where a sibling couldn't). You could watch it live from you delivery room.
On the other hand, I have to skip months frequently because I am in school and I try to plan it so I wouldn't have to take to much time off of the program. The breaks really are not that bad in my experience. The first break we took was after 2 months of trying (first month we barely even "tried"). It honestly was kind of nice. The breaks give me time to think, relax, prep and learn. I actually looked forward to our second break. Trying to conceive can be stressful. I hope if you choose to take the month off, it will be a beneficial and relaxing time for you.

 

[KatO79]

I wouldn't put it off either You don't know when it'll happen, it could take longer than you expected: this coming from someone who thought it'd happen within 6 months and has now been TTCing #1 for a little over 2 years and will be turning 37 in May (doing IVF #2 this month)

If you're not comfortable with actively TTCing, maybe go with NTNP and see what happens. But don't totally avoid it. As someone else said, you don't have to tell anyone you were actually trying, you could make it sound more like it just happened

 

[2ducks]

%15-20 percent chance each cycle and can take up to a full year....if I were in your shoes I would not wait, life is too short.

Although the fact that you are conflicted over this really shows what a good daughter and sister you are!

 

[5Miracles]

You're a sweet sister for even contemplating this...but I agree with the others--GO FOR IT!

 

[psychochick]

I don't think you'd ask your brother to put off his wedding for your DD, so it also doesn't make sense the other way around. You'll find ways of celebrating with each other.

 

[DillyDaffodil]

Thanks y'all!!! We didn't try too hard but it worked!! BFP! Here's to a very busy early October!

 

[Ltweety]

Well congrats on that lucky break!

 

[Isme]

Wow. Congratulations! I guess it was meant to be!