Dying woman wants IVF, do you agree she should?

[PeanutBean]

I'm not sure. From other threads some might be surprised but whilst I believe in the fundamental right to have children I don't believe it transcends into the realm of assisted conception. My opinions on IVF in general are complicated and unclear even to me but I think generally will differ from many people's opinions and I'd rather not go into it on BnB because of it being sensitive. But they in some way shape my uncertainty that this is a good thing to do. Sorry to be so cryptic!

I wonder, if she's dying from breast cancer has she been checked to see if it's from carrying the gene? If it's hereditary in that way I certainly don't think she should do this.

I can definitely empathise though.

 

[Tegans Mama]

Honestly, I answered no she shouldn't. I don't believe its the right thing to do when this woman is going to die when her child is x weeks old, or maybe even before its born. Her friend might not even get pregnant.... I dunno, it just doesn't sound right to me.

 

[Jody R]

It's too late to add to the poll now but I thought of something I wish I had asked.

For those of you opposed or unsure if this woman should go ahead, would your feelings be the same if it were the father who was ill and had asked his best friends wife to be the mother of his child, with his best friend playing the role of step father when he was gone?

 

[LoraLoo]

It's too late to add to the poll now but I thought of something I wish I had asked.

For those of you opposed or unsure if this woman should go ahead, would your feelings be the same if it were the father who was ill and had asked his best friends wife to be the mother of his child, with his best friend playing the role of step father when he was gone?

I'd like to say my feelings were the same, because I'll look a hypocrite otherwise, but in all honesty, I think that would be more 'acceptable'

Maybe because it is more common in society for the Mother to raise the child. I know that's wrong, suppose its just the Maternal side of me thinking. I just think its a really difficult debate because at the end of the day the womans not winning either way, is she?

She's going to die either with a baby she's never going to see grow up, with someone else raising him/her, or die with no offspring at all. Either way, she's not really going to benefit is she, but if it means the last of her days are filled with happiness.....?

And when I put it down in writing, If I was her, I'd think the first option were the best option. I'd like to think that if I died, there'd be a little part of me living on, and my Mum would have her grandchild to cherish.

If I put myself in the child's shoes, when s/he was older....would I think 'I wish I hadn't been conceived as my Mother died when I was a baby' or 'At least I was given life by someone who loved and wanted me, and I've had a good upbringing'....personally, the latter. The sad thing is s/he probably wont miss what s/he never had ( I grew up without a Dad and never felt i missed anything) but won't have any memories either.

Like I said just a sad, sad situation, no winners here xxxxx

 

[Jody R]

It's not hypocritical, it's just really complex and I can see why those who have reservations about it have them.

 

[PeanutBean]

I would feel the same man or woman.

 

[Scamp]

This is really interesting!
I really feel for the women, like a lot of women on here, I know what it feels like to want a baby so so much. Its something I think about daily, and for her knowing she will die soon and might not get the chance to be a mum
I don't see a problem with it at all. The baby will be cared for by the dad and the friend. The women will get her wish to be a mum. And the kid will grow up knowing just how wanted he/she was.
I hope she gets the ivf and a baby before she does pass away
x

 

[PeanutBean]

Do I remember right that after she's died the surrogate mum will raise the child and not the father? Or was it that she is single and friend's partner will be the father?

 

[Scamp]

Yeah the friends husband will be the father so they will bring the baby up together

 

[PeanutBean]

Ah. That's sways me further to the negative. If they were already a couple and the father would raise the child it would be more acceptable to me.

 

[Jody R]

Yeah the friends husband will be the father so they will bring the baby up together

That's right. The dying woman is single and has married friends who have agreed to help her.

They plan to use the dying womans egg with the married mans sperm and his wife will act as a surrogate to carry and give birth to the baby, whose biological parents will be her own husband and her dying best friend.

The mother will raise and care for the baby as much as she can, time and health allowing but the father and his wife will play a role. When the mother dies they will raise the baby together, so it will be living with one biological parent and the surrogate who carried and gave birth to it.

 

[rubixcyoob.]

Yes I think she should be allowed.

THis has all been thought out and cared for. Just because she is ill it doesn't mean she shouldn't be allowed to have children. Anyone of us could get terminally ill, does that mean we shouldn't be allowed our kids? At the end of the day, the same fate awaits us.

No matter what happens to this woman, whether she has her child for a few weeks or dies before birth, this child will be loved and cared for. The mothers best friends love her enough to do this, so they will love her child. Not to mention the maternal grandparents will love their grandchild.
Plus, the father and surrogate mum would basically just be like a child living with it's step mother and father if their mother passed away - in fact, no like about it, the child would be living with its father and step mother. Why would that be so wrong? It wouldn't ...
This child is already loved so much by everyone.

Say the woman does die before birth, she'll die happy, knowing that she had a baby, her baby. Who cares if the baby wasn't born yet? We all know the unconditional love we felt for our childre and I feel hers will be greater, because her time is limited.

Say the woman dies after birth. For a few short weeks she got to be a mother. She done something everyone should be able to do. Being a mother is the greatest thing ever, why deny her of that? The child wouldn't end up with strangers.

There's also the fact that the woman may live longer than 12 months. It has been known to happen. In fact, there is a medical civil case about a man who sued his doctor for negligence because the man was terminally ill and the doctor gave him 6 months to live. The man lived longer and claimed the dcotor was negligent in that aspect. He won it as well. The name mistakes me but it does highlight how this woman could have a few months out her child, a year maybe. Not a lot in the grand scheme of things, but enough to be a parent, enough to fill her with happiness and joy.

Also, if the woman died before child birth, the baby would not be affected, it is being carried by someone else and will be born and raised by it's family. A step mother, a father and 3 sets of grand parents.

Sure a child has the right to know it's parents, but as many people on here know, that isn't always the case. It's not as if this mother is willingly abandoning her child, she is going to leave it cared for, loved, in a thought out plan and will know her, evne if she isn't around, she will still find out who her mother was.


Just my views.

 

[~RedLily~]

I said no but I don't know it's such a difficult situation. I'll have to go away and think about it

 

[amygwen]

I personally don't think it's right.

 

[jenstar]

On the TV programme what was said about the father of the child and his wife (woman who will be carrying the child)? Were they planning on having a child themselves? Do they already have children? Whose idea was this?

One worry I have is that the couple who will be bringing up the child after the natural mother dies have been somehow coerced into this. For this to happen in Britain they would probably need months of counselling so the clinic was sure of their reasons and that they were emotionally able for the task.

 

[Jody R]

On the TV programme what was said about the father of the child and his wife (woman who will be carrying the child)? Were they planning on having a child themselves? Do they already have children? Whose idea was this?

One worry I have is that the couple who will be bringing up the child after the natural mother dies have been somehow coerced into this. For this to happen in Britain they would probably need months of counselling so the clinic was sure of their reasons and that they were emotionally able for the task.

Nothing much at all was said about the situation they are already in as a married couple, only that the wife was the best friend of the dying woman and wanted to do this for her friend, the husband had agreed to provide sperm and they would raise the child together after the mother had died.

I assumed they were in the UK but I'm not sure, and the programme said this was legal so if they can find a sympathetic clinic and have the money to pay if necessary I don't think they will be delayed for long.

 

[rainbows_x]

I believe everyone has the right to have a child, and have IVF if needs be.
I was concerned who would care for the baby, but you've stated that he/she would be raised by her friends. I think as long as they are willing to raiuse the baby then go for it

 

[dani_tinks]

Poor woman. I voted yes. They've obviously planned it all very carefully and thought long and hard about it. Any woman should have the right to have a baby, the child will be loved and cared for. It is a tough one though

 

[midori1999]

I agree with Jody.

We all have children for selfish reasons, so this woman is no different in that respect.

It is obvious this has been clearly thought out by those involved and that the child with be cared for by it's biological father in the event of it's Mother's death and a 'surrogate' Mother. (the biological father's wife) Surely ALL that matters is the child's welfare and as it appears the Mother will die when the baby is still very young, the baby will always grow up accepting the situation, it's not like we're talking about the child losing it's mother aged 7 when it would be much harder.

Can all of us honestly say we have made definite provisions for our children in the event of our death? And what about people with little or no family? Should they have children? What happens if they die, who will take care of their children then?

 

[mrsraggle]

I voted with my gut reaction which is no. The arguments are persuasive both ways but I just feel conceiving a child when you know you're going to die in their first months is too much, regardless of the care you've put into place.