Dyslexia, Aspergers etc etc.

Discussion in 'Special Needs Support' started by Creative, Oct 14, 2013.

  1. Creative

    Creative Well-Known Member

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    My OH had dyslexia. His father also had dyslexia.

    when my eldest son was born 22 years ago I was aware that he had special needs from him being about 12 months old. I spoke to my HV and doctor, but they all said it's too early for intervention. finally when he was three and displaying some autistic traits they finally agreed to start investigations. He was referred to speach therapy, occupational therapy, paediatrician, audiology and was initially diagnosed as having Semantic pragmatic disorder. (on the sutistic spectrum) He was finally diagnosed with dyslexia and Aspergers when he was 7 ish.
    He was very hard work growing up and had so many autistic traits that life was not exactly fun. We managed though and when we moved up to Yorkshire his schools provided the most excellent support and he now has two jobs in local schools as a lab technician and caretaker. He's come through it and although we have to be "overlookers" and "guiders" to him, he is incredibly independant.

    When my second son was born two years later, he showed none of the traits my first son had. He was physically very able walking at just after 8 months and climbing out of his cot soon after and arriving downstairs in the middle of the night. He began to talk around a year and never shut up. By three he could read and so we never worried about him at all. Other people found him quite difficult to understand as he would talk like a speed talker.
    he was never interested in having friends and we put this down to his "intelligence". Over the years he suceeded well at school but he was hopeless at organisation. he discovered music and started playing the violin and viola and these became very central to his life. He joined orchestras, specialist music instituations and talked and played music so much that it really took over his life. Last year he auditioned for Conservatoire (a specialist music university) and he was accepted with a scholarship. He started in September and we were very aware that he would [probably struggle with organisation so we bought him a smart phone and a time slot diary, spoke to him on skype etc and tried hard to train him in the skills he's need. Shortly after he started, he had to attend a registration session and the woman on the desk watched him filling in a form. Instantly she said to him are you dyspraxic? to which he replied no, but my dad and brother have dyslexia. The woman didn't leave it there. She went to see his head of faculty and expressed her concerns to him. He then arranged for an ed pych to see him and after four hours of tests they announced that he had a verbal IQ of 140 but that he has dyspraxia.
    The guilt I am now feeling is immense. I knew. I know we supported him with the organisation etc, but when I think about it I said on many occassions to my husband I think he has dyspraxia. It would be on occasions when I watched him clap (something he finds very difficult to do (not good for a musician)) or when his organiastion was out of control, or after his year six teacher expressed her concern that he would find a cure for cancer and then loose it, or when the same teacher taught him a few years before and was a nervous wreck because in a year in her class he'd cracked his head open twice and broken his arm all by crashing into things.
    And yet no one recognised his issues and we all just got frustrated with him.
    The conservatoire are going to put some help in place for him and he'll have some coming to terms with it sessions. He's not upset or worried by it.
    What makes it even more frustrating is that everyone I mention it to like his teachers and tutors say "why am I not surprised?"

    I now worry for my unborn baby. I don't know yet if it's a boy or a girl, but as my girl is uneffected, I worry that if it is a boy we are going to be facing yet more of the unknown. Poor thing, we'll be watching like a hawk for milestones and development. Both my husband and my eldest son call their dyslexia and other problems gifts, but it still isn't an easy path to walk.
     
  2. tommyg

    tommyg Mum to Smurf & TTC

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    Damm tooting right dysleixa is a gift!!!!!!
    Visionary skills in the top 5% of the population - Thank-you god for my gift - the other stuff isn't easy but at least I can draw and read a technical drawing.

    Your two sons, husband and FIL are happy and doing well. And you have a daughter who is apparently happy and normal (what ever that is) - what more do you want?
    I don't normally come into this part of the forum but was scrolling past it when I spotting your thread. I've just read some of the other issues familes face in this part of the forum - those are real problems!
     
  3. Creative

    Creative Well-Known Member

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    To true. I am blessed and what comes my way comes my way. End of my wallow in self pity!:kiss:
     
  4. sam2eb

    sam2eb Well-Known Member

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    This is rude. She's obviously looking support. Her concerns may not seem big/worrying too you but they are to her. Asd is not always a blessing, just because people cope with it does not mean it's easy.

    Op my son is 5 and has autism. I also have a 3 year old daughter and an 8 month old daughter. My 3 year old is normal but I do have concerns about my baby so I understand where you are coming from :hugs:

    I just keep telling myself that there's nothing that could be done at this young age for her anyway and if I still have worries when she is bigger at least I know who to approach for help x
     
  5. Creative

    Creative Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for the support. it does mean a lot.
    Really I didn't take it as rude! Just a different way of approaching it. I'm just worrying now about the new baby and my advanced age this time as my eldest was physically as well as mentally very hard work. I felt I let my middle son down by not doing more about those niggling suspicions. But as the PP says, compared to most I am very lucky indeed!
     
  6. mummy2o

    mummy2o Well-Known Member

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    I don't mean to question the professionals and I'm so sorry if I upset you in advance, but are you sure its dyspraxia as if he walked early and can play an instrument which children with dyspraxia would find harder to do, I would be more tempted to say he has a milder form of aspergers, plus its more likely to fit in with your OH and elder son. I'm just saying as I know several boys, how are now men, could talk and read way before anyone else. My best friend Sam could read the bible at 4 and tell time etc. The two over lap a lot and both can have poor organisation skills. I know some people with aspergers brilliant plans and some terrible.

    Anyway going back on to topic. I come from a great line of people with autism and dyslexia ranging from my great grandfather to my son (he's 6 and currently being tested for dyslexia but its more than likely), with myself included. I am 100% sure that this baby will follow suit. Does it scare me? Truthfully yes. I am very fortunate that my son is a very placid boy and generally goes with the flow, he has his moments, but then every kid does. He has what I would say moderate behaviour as wasn't toilet trained until a year ago, he has limited speech and has a high pain threshold so daily have to check him for any bumps or scraps in case something is seriously wrong. He use to run off when younger so he was on a rein much longer than other kids, but I believe that was the only bad thing.
    I went on the Early Bird course which might not have been around when you had your son diagnosed and it was really insight full. It came up with ideas and ways to help you out and make life more manageable as well as hearing how other parents cope in a similar situation. One little boy sounded like a nightmare to be honest, but then it could be the mum dramatising things as she just seemed the type. Plus her sons running off when we went for a picnic at the end of it wasn't much different to mine, just he's decided to go to the road and mine to the trees to explore them (they were 3/4 then). The keep thing is discipline and find what works for you. My son right now hates being called a naughty/bad boy and loves being a good boy and will stop his bad behaviour when told this, when he was younger he hated being told off/shouted at (now he finds it funny). It may be hard work and I wish you all the best in having a 'normal' child but if s/he isn't, you've done it twice before and you probably remember some things that worked on your eldest and you know how rewarding every little achievement is compared to the bigger overall one. Plus your sons sound like they had a brilliant home life and seem to both achieved a lot in their own ways :)
     
  7. Creative

    Creative Well-Known Member

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    We are just waiting for the paperwork and we'll be able to see what they say then.
    My eldest is high pain threshold and walked about with a broken elbow for two days, a broken arm for nearly a week and you still know at 22 that if he says it hurts, then it's really bad!
     
  8. tommyg

    tommyg Mum to Smurf & TTC

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    That has just struck a cord with me and send me on a google. That can apparently be a sign of dyslexia.:shrug:
    I'm somebody who tried to drive to work with what later turned out to be a burst appendix, the only reason I turned for home was because I was starting to feel sick an was aware the loo was miles from my desk.
    I BF to 14mths and have no idea why other mums compain about discomfort or pain. I'm sure I have had other scary things that I just can't think of.

    On the gift. Yesterday DH attempted to show our 2 year old how to draw Mickey Mouse - his looked mildly deformed. So I had a go, mine looked good then DH decided to add whiskers - which resulted in an argument Mickey doesn't have whiskers!

    Glad you took my eariler post the way I meant it. Sorry if it upset the other poster. I know if DS turns out to be dyslexic then I know he can suceed and it just isn't something I'm worried about.
     
  9. Foogirl

    Foogirl Baby Abby 11 weeks early

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    Given that your son has a scholarship for Conservatiore, I'm not sure I could consider anything you did as failing him! Those are like gold dust and I assume its something he really wants to do? And whatever the lable given to his particular set of difficulties, the school is putting in the support he needs. A win win all round I'd say. You must be very proud of him. Far from feeling like a failure, I'd be saying to all those Education "specialists" who have turned round and said they are not surprised, why the hell did they not do something about it? Or as a parent are you supposed to have to shout and shout to get something done??

    What will be will be for your new child. There may be problems, there may not. Worrying about it now will do absolutely no good and one thing you have shown so far is, no matter what issues your children face, you as a parent are pretty damned good in getting them to be the best them they can be. That's all any child can ask.
     

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