Emotional burdens left from infertility

[HopeBT]

Hey all!
Just want to have someone to discuss what I have been feeling lately and wondering if anyone`s going/gone through similar situation.
Hub & I TTC`d for 2.5 years, and had several unsuccessful IUIs before opting for IVF. We were so lucky to get pregnant on our first round of IVF and had an amazing baby girl who is now 8 mo. Given our busy schedule, both working full-time & lots of pets, we are not planning to have another for at least couple of years. But but lately, pregnancy, another baby and another round of potential infertility issues have been occupying my mind so much. I think what I am really afraid is that when we are ready for another, I will have to go through the excruciating pain and disappointment of infertility again (anyone who is going through infertility knows how terribly draining it is). I think that even though I have my dream baby and everything is going well, the hurts and scars that infertility inflicted on me actually have not healed completely.
My apologies for all the rambling, but just by typing this out made me feel a whole lot better!
Any comments welcome! If anyone has gone through similar phase, feel free to share your story

 

[BelleNuit]

Hey hope. I'm currently pregnant with my first. We had unexplained infertility for two years and eight months. We tried IUIs and never had a pregnancy. We were all set to start IVF when I lost my mind completely. I couldn't go through with it. So we decided child free would be it, because I also couldn't keep ttc. A few months later we got pregnant naturally. My first pregnancy in 38 cycles. I've been working through a lot of emotions and infertility baggage during this pregnancy. It was really hard to be able to trust my body to do this. I don't know if we'll be able to have another, or if we just hit a lucky jackpot with this little baby. The idea of ever trying again actually terrifies me. So I can understand where you're coming from.

 

[Susan]

I really believe that part of dealing with infertility is realizing that I don't have control over the future. I can make plans, but life many times turns out differently. After 18 years of my own infertility journey, I finally came to the conclusion that I am missing out on what God has for me to enjoy today. Instead of constantly looking at what was missing, I needed to start appreciating what I have already been given. I'm so glad that you were able to have your miracle daughter! Make the most of your time with her now and put your future into God's hands. God bless you!

 

[HopeBT]

Hey Belle! I remember you from TTC & Ltttc forums, so excited for you! Massive congratulations on your news, it is such exciting times. I was on your pregnancy journal and saw your post about the cats. I was a nervous wreck too when I brought home my baby, because our cat is a real jerk. So we bought a sort of "crib safety pop-up tent" on Ebay, it worked until I started co-sleeping when she turned 3 mo. It definitely gave me some peace, I was so scared that my cat will suffocate her.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. It seems for me, infertility baggages really doesn`t leave you for good, but we just gotta learn to look at it in another light. I left work early yesterday to cuddle my lo, and remember again what a miracle she is. Feeling a whole lot better today. I will be stalking your journal for more updates on little belle!

 

[HopeBT]

Susan, thanks for your input! A good reminder of how precious life and time are, and being present in the moment

I really believe that part of dealing with infertility is realizing that I don't have control over the future. I can make plans, but life many times turns out differently. After 18 years of my own infertility journey, I finally came to the conclusion that I am missing out on what God has for me to enjoy today. Instead of constantly looking at what was missing, I needed to start appreciating what I have already been given. I'm so glad that you were able to have your miracle daughter! Make the most of your time with her now and put your future into God's hands. God bless you!

 

[3chords]

It doesn't leave you. Those of us who experienced it will always be infertile in our minds. And that is the expected and normal thing to deal with as all psychological research on the topic shows. In fact if you look at the latest research, infertility comes second ONLY to the death of a child as the most stressful life experience. Yes, worse than the death of a parent, or divorce, or loss of a job, or bankruptcy. The thinking is that it is due to the fact that unlike those other events fertility has no known end or resolution, and the human psyche has a very difficult time dealing with fluid and uncertain situations.

I wish you the best of luck. Our struggle for #2 was even worse than for #1. I wasn't truly prepared for it...I kind of thought ok, we figured this out with IVF and tweaked our protocol and got a great response. Well, God laughs when you make plans. We had decided to move on at our last transfer - we had 2 ugly looking day 3 embryos that nobody thought stood a chance. One of them turned out to be our daughter, who is amazing in every way and so we got our happy ending. But the journey took a lot out of me, and parts will never come back. I no longer feel sadness now when I hear of people announcing their pregnancies but I still do feel a twinge of "how nice for it to be SO EASY for them" and I don't think that will every go away.

 

[WishnandHopn]

Infertility baggage is real. We finally conceived our baby boy naturally after two years TTC, 1 miscarriage, 2 surgeries and failed IUIs and IVF. He’s three months old now and I love him to bits. I do find myself thinking about a second baby but the thought of it makes me so anxious. I was so stressed and unhappy while we were TTC, it’s hard for me to imagine going back to that sad place if we struggle again. I haven’t gotten AF back yet, and I really wonder how I will react when I do. For so long, day 1 was such a disappointment and visible representation of my body’s failure to get pregnant, I will probably still feel that, even though we aren’t TTC for at least another year.

 

[Lunabelle]

We will soon be starting to try for our second one too, and I too can't stop thinking about it. I too am concerned it will be as stressful as before. However this time there is one major difference; I already have my amazing daughter. Last time it was the fear of never having children. This time I want a sibling for my baby. While I feel like our family is not complete, it is not the same pain as empty arms were.

 

[pamg]

I really believe that part of dealing with infertility is realizing that I don't have control over the future. I can make plans, but life many times turns out differently. After 18 years of my own infertility journey, I finally came to the conclusion that I am missing out on what God has for me to enjoy today. Instead of constantly looking at what was missing, I needed to start appreciating what I have already been given. I'm so glad that you were able to have your miracle daughter! Make the most of your time with her now and put your future into God's hands. God bless you!

I definitely agree with you over the no control over the future. I have secondary infertility. Been TTC#2 for 2 years & was told a few weeks ago after having a few different tests my best chance is IVF. Financially its not going to be an option. I just feel completely crushed. I made all these plans in my head what it would be like having another & I feel like I'm grieving for a child I never had now.
My daughter asks all the time for a brother or sister & it breaks my heart its probably not going to happen. I just have to remember I'm so completely blessed to her her.

 

[kittiecat]

I don't think the baggage from infertility ever goes away. We tried for four years on and off for our first baby and eventually he was conceived (extremely luckily) during our first IVF cycle. And shortly we are heading back for our FET to try for a second child and if anything I feel more nervous and uncertain this time. It all comes flooding back and I still have bitter and twisted moments where I wish it was easier for us. Infertility is a b***h.

 

[Jenn Pope]

Have you watched the new movie The Favourite. I was frustrated by the queen. *spoiler Actually, the idea was that the queen doesn`t manage to conceive and she was ... depressed and had mood swings often. Half of the movie I dissert on the topic is it 100% sure that if a woman don`t have kids she will become like the queen (actually the atress won an Oscar - Olivia Colman). At the end of the movie I was OK, this is not certain. They just presented it this way ... However, don`t watch the movie it will make you cry and its idea will stuck in you.

 

[HopeBT]

Hey everyone, thanks for all your inputs!
Our DD is 1.2 years now, and we have eventually decided to go for another around of IVF when she turns 2, so was NTNP for the last few months.
Well, I tested last Friday as my AF was late for couple days and got a BFP! Still cannot believe it. This is my first natural conception, I just never believed that my body could actually do it. Never knew spontaneous pregnancy is such a blessing, so much less stress!
DD was born via EMCS, so hoping for a Vbac this time around
Just thought I would give an update xxxx

 

[BelleNuit]

Congratulations hope! That is fantastic news! What a dream come true

 

[BSelck24]

Congrats what amazing news!!!