End of one road, beginning of another...

Discussion in 'Long Term Trying To Conceive' started by butterflies, Apr 17, 2009.

  1. butterflies

    butterflies Well-Known Member

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    Well we saw the Fs on Wednesday and as he said, we've come to the end of the investigation road, the only significant "maybe" for why we can't concieve is "possibly" the antibodies in Dh's sperm. Other than that he can see no real reason and even he said he feels he is clutching at straws on that one.....:huh:

    So the new road???? We've had more bloods taken and will go back to see him in a month after some reflection.....next step forward? IVF......

    I honestly don't know how i feel about that, i truly don't, please don't get me wrong because i have been actively TTC since Aug 07 and really do want a child but i'm not sure i am ready for such a treatment :cry:
    If we go forward with IVF, 1st attempt is free and waiting list is 6-8 months and any further attempts required after will be costing £3500......money which i don't have spare nor feel i personally could justify on potentially getting by baby....potentially because its not proven or guaranteed.

    How do i feel??? Lost, a little scared and full of wonder and fear of what the future holds and just how long it may be before we realise out dream....:cry:
    I was ok all while we we're being investigated, but now it all seems so final.....almost like its this (IVF) or nothing and i truly don't know how i feel.........
     
  2. tansey

    tansey Finally a Mummy!

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    :hugs:
    IVF is a big step.
    Maybe get on the waiting list which means that you can give it a good think while you wait?
    Good luck with whatever you decide!
     
  3. CareBear

    CareBear Is considering whats next

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    :hugs: Don't worry for feeling like this IVF is a big step forward and I can completely understand that you're not sure if your ready for such a treatment. When me and DH started fertility treatment this was the one of the first things I said and I have stuck by it. I will never go down the IVF route because I just cannot put myself through such an invasive procedure. I also have similar doubts with IUI and even choose to have further cycles of clomid over going onto IUI.

    Take your time and don't rush into any decisions - something you are probably aware of :hug:
     
  4. Brambletess

    Brambletess Well-Known Member

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    If you go on the waititing list it will give you time to keep trying. If nothing has been found there is still a reasonable chance you may concieve naturally and you have just been unlucky so far. In 6 months time you may feel you are ready for IVF if its not happenend by then or you may decide on a different route. IVF is an invasive treatment but its is the only way forward for some people. Don't quote me on this but I have heard people with unexplained or mild sperm problems do quite well. I hope it doesn't come to that for you. I think you should give yourselves a bit more time to try first.

    Best of luck
     
  5. Dilek

    Dilek Well-Known Member

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    I totally understand with you. IVF is a big step and just like you its the only chance I have to conceive. I think being on the waiting list does not oblige you to go ahead with the treatment when your turn is up. I really hope you might be able to conceive naturally. Good luck.
     
  6. butterflies

    butterflies Well-Known Member

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    :hugs: You girls are so lovely, i was so worried that people would look down on me because of how i feel, thinking "well she can't want a baby that much" etc
    :cry: I never imagined this would all be so hard on my self esteem and emotions, all i (and all of us) want to do is become mummies and make our Oh's daddies.

    Whilst the thought that this could be a never ending road terrifies me, i'm scared of the heartache that i think IVF may bring, all the raised hopes and shattered dreams etc.
    IVF is invasive and whilst its the right option for some couples i'm not sure its right for me....yet.

    I also can't help but feel it would be wrong to go on the waiting list when i am not sure its what i want, wouldn't we be taking up a valuable space?

    My head & heart are saying so many different things to me right now and all i want to do is run screaming.......my emotions are shattered at the moment :cry:
     
  7. butterflies

    butterflies Well-Known Member

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    Pretty much summed up how i feel carebear, :hugs:
     
  8. bklove

    bklove We got married 4/07

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    I'm just curious, what have been some of your thoughts on the IVF?
     
  9. butterflies

    butterflies Well-Known Member

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    To be honest, whilst its always been at the back of my mind, until the last few months i hadn't given it a huge amount of thought.
    That said its a big part of my thoughts at the moment, and for me i find TTC can be enough of an emotional drain as it is, without adding the extra strains of IVF, because even with IVF there is no guarantee's and i personally feel it would only add to the heartache for me right now.

    If i am honest i am very confused, whilst i am not saying that its never an option for us, i just worry that it isn't for the best right now. Its very expensive, and right now i just do not have that kind of money, nor will i borrow it for such a reason, thats not saying those that do are wrong or anything, its simply that now isn't the right time for me to go about things this way!
     
  10. bklove

    bklove We got married 4/07

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    You are right about ttc being exhausting in itself especially with complications. It sounds like you have reached a reasonable conclusion for yourself though. I think there is nothing wrong with waiting a bit any way just to see what happens, healing, a natural pregnancy or maybe you will change your mind, who knows.
     
  11. butterflies

    butterflies Well-Known Member

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    However hard i try to "put it to the back of my mind" or "relax and let it happen" etc etc etc, it never works, its my deepest desire and that of my wonderful husbands too.

    I have to put life into perspective and realise that i have so much that makes my life joyful, i am married to an amazing man, whom i love and adore like no other, i am very lucky in alot of respects, and i can only hope that time is whats required to complete our dreams and have the "mini us" that we would dearly love to have in our lives.

    The more pressure i put on myself the more i hurt myself......
     
  12. bklove

    bklove We got married 4/07

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    :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: I hope the time is short and the mini comes soon.
     
  13. Lilly123

    Lilly123 Mommy to Zoe & Lily

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    Hi honey

    My DH also has antibodies on his sperm and they say that IS the reason why we are struggling.

    I am also told ICSI only way but there is a girl on here who just fell preggies naturally and her DH has antibodies..

    So.. we are also going to continue trying naturally for another few months or a year before we do IVF.. I feel the same about it.. I am not ready yet for the rocky road and also the cost emtionally and financially..
    #If you need to chat just pm me..

    Did your DH have a vas reversal

    xxxx
     
  14. AutumnSky

    AutumnSky Mummy to 3 boys

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    :hug:
    I understand how you feel. We're due to start IUI soon, and I'm worried that if it doesn't work, we will then be proceeding to IVF. Not sure if I'm ready to go down that route either.

    If I were you though, I would go on the waiting list, and decide what to do nearer the time. I work in the NHS (in waiting lists actually), and you won't be taking up space by just being on the list. If you decided to decline the treatment when you were offered it, there is always another couple right behind you that they will offer it to instead.

    :hugs:
     
  15. butterflies

    butterflies Well-Known Member

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    Hi Tanya!

    Thanks for your reply, Dh hasn't had a reversal, he's also never previously fathered children. However he has healthy quantities and motility etc, but as the FS called it the MAR test was mildly positive? :huh:

    We've been told ICSI would be our best option IVF wise.....its all just so confusing! I'm feeling like you though ref just carrying on with trying for now :hugs:
     
  16. butterflies

    butterflies Well-Known Member

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    :hugs: Thank you i hadn't looked at it that way at all!!! You've made me feel tonnes better! :hugs:
     
  17. bklove

    bklove We got married 4/07

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    How does the antibodies effect things?
     
  18. Farie

    Farie Well-Known Member

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    :hug:

    Hey honey
    I can totally relate to how you are feeling, we are struggling too ... IVF seems to be the next step and like you I'm not sure I'm ready for it.
    I have a good excuse to ignore it all for the next couple of months as we are moving, but once settled we will have to have a real think about it all again.

    I scares the hell out of me TBH, but I know that in the end I will try it, because I want a child that much, but I am not sure when I will reach the stage where I feel that 'yes this is the next step' if you know what I mean?

    Feel free to PM me honey :hugs:
     
  19. butterflies

    butterflies Well-Known Member

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    Well my interpretation of what the FS said is that the antibodies are in effect dodgy sperms, some can have deformed heads, some deformed bodies and the others deformed tails.

    FS doesn't seem to think that its a case of deformed tails as motility is very good. He also said that the reason he believes its only a minor problem for us is that DH's quantity versus the level of antibodies is vastly different. Ie he has alot of sperm per ML compared to only a small noted level of antibodies, if that makes any sense??? :huh:
     
  20. butterflies

    butterflies Well-Known Member

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    You have a pm honey xx
     

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