I would definitely prefer to tear naturally. With an episiotomy, you know you'll come away with a tear, even though it's 'man-made', but if you just let things go naturally, you might not tear at all or it might be fairly minor (an episiotomy is not a 'minor' tear). As for pain, I wouldn't let that be a deciding factor either. I had two minor labial tears that required stitches plus a 2nd degree perineal tear and I honestly didn't feel any of it when it happened. It was just a bit of burning like everyone describes, but it wasn't horribly painful at all and I honestly never would have guessed I even had a tear. I had my baby at home with no pain relief at all (not even gas & air), and it wasn't bad at all. The healing has been pretty straightforward. I'm only 4 week PP so I haven't exactly 'taken it for a test drive' yet if you know what I mean, but I have no discomfort now and all has healed well. I was a little bit incontinent the first couple weeks after but I don't think that had anything to do with the tear. From what my health visitor said, it's very normal and you just have to build up your pelvic floor muscle strength again, so I did regular PF exercises and now it's all normal again a few weeks later. So go with your gut, but I wouldn't worry too much about tearing. It's not a big deal and it's not nearly as scary as it sounds.