errrrg the nerve some women have!!!!!!

[Kimiw]

Ok, so as some of you probably already know. me and dh have been ttc for 6 years and I was on my first round of clomid this cycle. Which didn't work, well, it worked in a sense that the clomid did what it was supposed to to (make you O) but we missed the damn eggs...anyway, I got on to Facebook to see what time I was supposed to meet my friends at the movie that there it was. Another pregnancy announcement from one of my old friends from high school. She has only been with her current boyfriend for 6 months! Oh, I was upset!!!

I texted my 'best friend' because I was really upset. I hate to get jealous, and I was feeling like crap for being jealous. I needed to cry, so I sent her a text telling her what I read on FB and told her I was going to lose it. She tell me,

"as your friend I am telling you that you need to find happiness. You can't live your life in jealousy just because one of our friends is pregnant, you should be happy for her and you should stop being so f****** jealous, it is not like she got pregnant on purpose to piss you off. I know it is easy for me to say, I have 3 boys, but you knew that I wanted a girl, and I used to get jealous of others having girls and not me but I had to get the hell over myself and realize that it was not meant for me to have a daughter and you need to do the same thing about not getting pregnant."

I was seing saw red. How DARE somebody tell ME that I need to get over the fact that I cannot get pregnant?! Really?! She compared my jealousy of not being able to get pregnant to her being jealous that she never had a baby girl?! REALLY?! She has 3 kids!!!! It is not the same!!! Sorry, I am LIVID right now. I just needed somebody's shoulder to cry on and I got a slap in the face!

And for the record, I am happy for my friend. But I cannot help getting jealous, and I hate it but I can't help it!!!! I didn't need my best friend telling me that I had to "get over myself." She can't possibly understand what it is like to want a child so bad and not get to have one. Sure, she wanted a girl. So what! She was blessed with 3 wonderful boys, I would give up a limb to have just ONE and of either sex!

 

[hopefull85]

i have heard that too many times, saying that i am just being selfish and just need to get over it. my so called bestfriend ( the one thats 4 months pregnant with her 2nd as i have wrote about) when she got pregnant with her first at the ultrasound to see what gender it was she got all mad and was stomping out because she wanted a girl, she couldnt be happy with just having a baby. so now she hasnt even thought of boy names just girl names. how selfish is that. there are others in my family that have told me to grow up, get over it, stop being selfish, you have no right acting like this just because someone has something you dont. so i have come to the point that i dont talk about it with anyone close to me anymore. because no one close to me truly knows the pain and emotions i have to go through. thank goodness for BNB otherwise i think alot of us would go nuts.

you will always have a friend in me. i know all too well what you are going through. anytime you need a shoulder to cry on. mine is here

 

[Kimiw]

thanks girl I know, I thank God for B and B because this is the one place I can go and rant and nobody judges me for it. You all are so wonderful because many of you understand that jealousy that nobody else seems to understand. Many take it as us being selfish and being jealous because somebody has something we want but that is not it. My friend has never had to deal with infertility, only "gender disapointment". I admit I would LOVE to have a little girl, but if God blesses me with a little baby boy than I will be just as happy. Being jealous over a baby's gender vs being jealous over a pregnant woman are two completely different things and I just couldn't believe she tried to compare them!

 

[uwa_amanda]

That would have been the time I would have told her to have a nice life. But...I'm guessing since she's got three kids, she wouldn't know shit about being infertile and how ashamed it will make you feel. I stopped talking to my best friend about my infertility struggles because it was constantly, "you always have my kids." That did nothing but make me feel worse because I don't want HER kids. I want my own. The nerve of some people just really amazes the hell out of me.

 

[PinkPeony]

Just wanted to say I completely back you up on that. There is NO comparison. It really shows how far ppl are from understanding what it's really like to deal with LTTTC. On here we totally get you - those stinging feelings of pain and jealousy. I'm sure we all feel that - I sure do and it doesn't make me an evil person. It's more complex than - oh I hate her, she's preg.

 

[aintlifegrand]

That was complete BS!

 

[ourfate]

oh my gosh i would be PISSSSSSEDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!! of corse we are happy for our friends, and they arent to blame, but of corse we also feel angry/sad/jealous/bitchy ect.
if any friend of mine would say that to me i dont know how i would contain my anger!!!!

 

[curlygurl]

Wow, I am so sorry you had to experience that today. That was a very cruel thing for your friend to say. It is one thing to not understand what someone goes through, it is another to downplay it like she did.

 

[Kimiw]

That would have been the time I would have told her to have a nice life. But...I'm guessing since she's got three kids, she wouldn't know shit about being infertile and how ashamed it will make you feel. I stopped talking to my best friend about my infertility struggles because it was constantly, "you always have my kids." That did nothing but make me feel worse because I don't want HER kids. I want my own. The nerve of some people just really amazes the hell out of me.

I know! That was why I was so mad! She doesn't get the whole concept. She has 3 kids, technically 5 she had one miscarraige and her other baby boy passed when he was 6 months old (God rest his soul) but she just doesn't understand. I know she just wants to see me happy and I am sure she is tired of my jealousy but I just can't help it . It is hard enough seing pregnant women everywhere, but it hurts when it is somebody that is close. I know my friend didn't do it on purpose to piss me off, that would be crazy of me to think that . It's just so hard because I just want it to be MY turn! I did everything right. I got married, (not saying you have to be married) have a nice home, a good job, good home, and so much love to give. It just hurts to see somebody get that blessing from God when they have only been shacking up with their new boyfriend for 6 months, you know what I mean?

 

[Kimiw]

Wow, I am so sorry you had to experience that today. That was a very cruel thing for your friend to say. It is one thing to not understand what someone goes through, it is another to downplay it like she did.

Thank you so much for the . I love B&B you all are so wonderful and I am so glad there is somewhere I can go where I will be understood. And I agree, she totally downplayed it! I know she has had her share of dispare, but mine is infertility, and it is something NOBODY can understand unless it HAS happend to them.

 

[Kimiw]

oh my gosh i would be PISSSSSSEDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!! of corse we are happy for our friends, and they arent to blame, but of corse we also feel angry/sad/jealous/bitchy ect.
if any friend of mine would say that to me i dont know how i would contain my anger!!!!

i know right?! Of course we ARE happy, they don't understand. I even wrote a message to my friend on FB telling her that I was happy for her and congrats. I did explain that due to my issues with infertility for the last 6 years I tend to shy away but that is my way of dealing but I assured her that I loved her and I wished her the best of luck with everything. I told her that I didn't want her to think I did not care because it is not true, I just have to make myself distant for a little while until I can come to terms with everything. I know she will understand. She is a wonderful person, and I do love her, I go through this with every close friend or family pregnancy. I get over it, I love my friends and families children. Now, does that sound like a bad person?? I swear the nerve!

 

[Kimiw]

I know, I was in complete disbelief. This is the one person who has been with me from the beginning when DH and I STARTED trying. She wants to see me have a baby, but she hates that I get jealous of other pregnant women. Of course she thinks that, she has 3 kids! I really think she wants to help me but doesn't know how and thought she was going to get through to me by comparing my jealously of pregnant women to her jealously with women who have daughters! WHAT? How on earth is that comparable?

 

[Cassandtina1]

Hi I don't come around this thread much (I've only been ttc about 2 1/2 yrs (part of which was ntnp) but I know all about the jealousy and pain that hits when u hear of yet another (unplanned) pregnancy. When my bestie told me she was pregnant with her 4th, it was really really hard and I kept my distance for awhile (I'm of course there for her now and I'm going to be able to watch the birth !) But I understand how your feeling, your not a bad person either! I truly hope u get your bfp really soon honey.

 

[tamithomas]

wait, so she thinks she can relate because wanting a girl and only getting boys is the same as infertility? OUCH my head hurts..I can't even wrap my head around that one. GRRRRRRRR fertile people just don't get it!!!!

 

[macca197831]

There are two things wrong with your friends text, firstly to tell you to get over not being able to get pregnant is disgusting. But unfortunately people who have not struggled with infertility have no idea how this feels. And second to compare your situation with her own "struggle" of having 3 healthy boys but not a girl is absolutley shocking! I cant actually believe she said that to you.

I would find it very hard to not to go round her house and drop kick her! Sorry I know she is your friend but what a way to behave, no wonder you are upset! x

 

[Nayla82]

I had a pregnant friend tell me "you can't have everything in life, and being a mom might be something you won't have and have to start accepting it" than she started to tell me that theres hungry people in the world, there's people with terminal illnesses so my situation isn't that bad!! I was so shocked and broken hearted!! This is a friend who has a 9 month old baby and is 5 months pregnant!

I thought what a evil bitch!! How dare someone say theres bigger things going on in the world!! Than me craving just 1 baby! My husband got mobile phone and deleted this person. If someone pops out babies with out an issue they will NEVER understand our raw pain!! I was shaking in my skin when I heard her say stuff like that! It isn't the end of the world if your not a mom! But for me it is!!

 

[Cassandtina1]

I had a pregnant friend tell me "you can't have everything in life, and being a mom might be something you won't have and have to start accepting it" than she started to tell me that theres hungry people in the world, there's people with terminal illnesses so my situation isn't that bad!! I was so shocked and broken hearted!! This is a friend who has a 9 month old baby and is 5 months pregnant!

I thought what a evil bitch!! How dare someone say theres bigger things going on in the world!! Than me craving just 1 baby! My husband got mobile phone and deleted this person. If someone pops out babies with out an issue they will NEVER understand our raw pain!! I was shaking in my skin when I heard her say stuff like that! It isn't the end of the world if your not a mom! But for me it is!!

Yuck some people I swear

 

[timeforababy]

I had a pregnant friend tell me "you can't have everything in life, and being a mom might be something you won't have and have to start accepting it" than she started to tell me that theres hungry people in the world, there's people with terminal illnesses so my situation isn't that bad!! I was so shocked and broken hearted!! This is a friend who has a 9 month old baby and is 5 months pregnant!

I thought what a evil bitch!! How dare someone say theres bigger things going on in the world!! Than me craving just 1 baby! My husband got mobile phone and deleted this person. If someone pops out babies with out an issue they will NEVER understand our raw pain!! I was shaking in my skin when I heard her say stuff like that! It isn't the end of the world if your not a mom! But for me it is!!

wow, that's really digging to a new low.

 

[ttcforever17]

i once had a (now ex) friend who was lttc and we ranted to each other regularly esp via texting if we were getting it tough some days, anyway one day i texted her a rotten comment someone said to me and how annoyed i was at them... the reply i got was.... "just because you cant get pregnant dosnt mean other women shouldnt, you need to learn to get over your bitterness and stop being so annoyed, and hopefully you will learnt to live childless and the sooner you accept this the better"

my dh read it and said to me i bet shes pg! i deleted her number and didnt reply, i later heard she was 5mts pregnant at that time and haddnt told me, i just wonder how long she was holding her true feelings about me in in those 5months, worst bit is she is my cousin and i have to see her at most family events. o and in case you are wondering she was 11yrs ttc... you just never know how awful women can be until they are pg!

 

[Armywife84]

Kimiw- What a right bitch! I would've told her to piss off!

Gender disappointment is NOT the same as infertility!! Where does she get off in seeing a comparison between the two? Pppffttt the lot us don't have the luxury of being choosey when it comes to a pregnancy! Ungrateful cow!

Yeah that would be the end of the friendship for me.