Every time I think I've accepted it...

Discussion in 'Gender Disappointment' started by lisaalove, Oct 10, 2020.

  1. lisaalove

    lisaalove Well-Known Member

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    Uhg. I know I love this little one, I really do so much. But it fucking sucks. It fucking sucks hearing the oh you can try again comments. It fucking sucks hearing the wow another boy comments. It fucking sucks that people who have both boys and girls can say oh I dont understand how you could be dissapointed. If fucking sucks that three other people in my family are pregnant with girls/just had girls. I know I will be over the moon once this little boy is here but will this feeling ever go away? The feeling of ill never have that mother daughter bond like I do with my mom, the feeling of ill never get to go to my daughters wedding or talk about periods or boobs or tampons. Hell I never even had a sister. Will there always be a weight and heaviness in my heart because I dont have a daughter or will that fade with time?
     
  2. Sander

    Sander Well-Known Member

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    Hi Lisa, I saw no one responded to your post. Actually we haven’t even told anyone it’s a boy because I’m afraid of the comments. I think a lot of those feelings will stick around for a long time, but they’ll feel less intense as the years go by. Luckily I don’t know anyone close to me who’s pregnant with a girl, but I imagine that when it does happen I’ll have some pretty intense jealousy going on.

    What I did notice was with my first, when a friend of mine had a girl I was jealous, but once my son was born a few months later those feelings went away. I didn’t want to trade my baby for hers, and it helps to see that all kids (girls sometimes especially!) can be cranky and rude and dramatic. I think as mom’s of boys we picture having this perfect little girl who’s adorable and happy all the time - but reality is that a girl is equally capable of being a complete handful. I cope too by thinking - who’s to say my daughter and I would even get along? And that would be the most heartbreaking thing of all - to finally get the girl you’ve always wanted and spend the rest of your life butting heads with her.

    It’s not easy though, I find the worst part is how other people react. Like your baby isn’t good enough - it’s ridiculous. It’s easy to say to someone when they’re pregnant, but I would hope that once these babies are born, people just enjoy them for who they are and not what’s between their legs!!
     
  3. Locksley27

    Locksley27 Well-Known Member

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    i was in your situation years ago. Was just told we were having our third boy, while my SIL was having a girl. She was horrible to me because of it and tried to really rub it in my face. While we did to go on to have girls as well I will say that I dont really have that mother daughter bond with my girls that I thought I would. I am probably way closer to my sons. And whether you have boys or girls there will always be comments. We are expecting our 5th boy in Feb and still get comments even though we have girls too. People are jerks and always have to make comments.
     
  4. Cath_Heather

    Cath_Heather Well-Known Member

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    We found out yesterday that we are having a boy and I so desperately wanted a girl.. Everyone is sending me nursery idea themes etc and it's feeling super overwhelming as I'm still coming to terms with having a boy. I know I will love him no matter what but I think disappointment is normal xxx
     
  5. Bevziibubble

    Bevziibubble Well-Known Member
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  6. lisaalove

    lisaalove Well-Known Member

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    @Cath_Heather I totally get it. I know its normal I went through gender dissapointment with my second. I know its normal to feel like that. However I think this time it hit me harder because we won't be trying again and this is our last little one so its not like I have another chance. I will tell you it eases with time, it deffinately can take a while. I found out this little one was a boy at 12w and confirmed at 20w and it wasn't until probably 24w that I really came to terms with it and started feeling like I could bond with him. *hugs* itll get easier as time goes on and honestly as much as I still want a girl I also couldn't imagine my two boys being anything else and im sure it'll be the same once this one is here. :hugs:
     
  7. DobbyForever

    DobbyForever First Time Momma

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    Big hugs. I really empathize with a lot of what you said. I never had a sister, but the bond I had with my mom was incredible. I wanted and wished for a boy because that's what everyone else wanted, and I'm a people pleaser. I'm a single mom. I struggle with my one child, I struggle finding good people to have in our life. I may very well just have one child. People tell me all the time I'm young and there's still time to find a partner and have another kid. I really feel you. But like you said, it gets easier with time. I love the ball in the box analogy about grief (). It's not ever that the grief truly goes away, it's just that our life experience box grows over time and it is easier to live with. The best thing someone on this site said to me was that you are grieving a loss, and it's valid. So any time you need us, we're here to listen. :hugs:
     
  8. Twinki.930

    Twinki.930 Well-Known Member

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    :hugs:I’m sorry your feeling this way hun ,I have the same feeling when I ttc my baby #2 ,only I don’t want a girl I’d like another boy. But I know if I do have a little girl I’d be just as happy .
     
  9. wanna_baby

    wanna_baby Well-Known Member

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    Lisa love, I can understand your disappointment and the feeling of never being able to be a maternal grandmother or the daughter’s wedding and everything but as Sander mentioned, there’s no gurantee that the daughter would want all that traditional things. For example, my sister wine with my neice and nephew just stayed over at our place for Xmas and their roles are reversed . The boy is much closer to the mom. The girl doesn’t even want any kids and the boy wants kids. So really any gender can turn out any way.. hope you come to terms with your boys!!
     

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