Everyone says wait....

[chipmunk wife]

In the media, all I see are articles about "Why women shouldn't have to justify their decision not to have children" or "why you should wait" but I don't have much luck finding things that support the women who just want children more than anything in the world. I'm one of those women. I'm 23, my husband is 27, and we just got married a few months ago. I've always wanted kids, and the only reason I work toward a career is to make the money to support the child. I know I'm still young, I know we don't need to rush, but my baby fever has kicked into overdrive in the last month or 2. Maybe since we are married, it's like "what are we waiting for?" Well... I know what we're waiting for. More money. Our own house instead of a rental. For my cat to pass away so my husband won't have to scoop his poop... okay that one is a joke. Mostly. But now he has the fever too, which makes mine even worse because instead of it being a dream, it could become a reality so very quickly. I feel like it is just within my reach. BUT everyone says wait. Well.... everyone in my family. His can't wait for us to have kids. We don't have the income we could, we'd have to adjust, and scrimp and coupon to get by. We'd have to deal with buying a house after having a child, but don't people do that every day? I guess I just get tired of feeling like I need to justify my intense desire to become a mother. Does anyone else feel that way?

 

[lomelindi17]

Well.. I don't think anyone can give you advice here that will really help without knowing you or your exact situation. The only thing I can say is that your family knows you better than anyone, and sometimes better than you know yourself. They have seen you grow up and have seen you go through different phases and experiences and also can see your potential and the way you handle things that come your way. If they are saying you should wait, it may be for a deeper reason than your financial concerns. They may not be able to explain it to you except that it's just their instinct that you should wait a bit. It's not to say that they are right or wrong, they may have ways or ideas that don't match with you at all. All I'm saying is to at least consider their point of view objectively. Everyone who wants kids goes through phases of being super insanely baby crazed, sometimes it is the real thing and sometimes it is just plain old hormones!

To me, if it's that important to you, then waiting a few months or a year shouldn't matter. You'll get there eventually either way. Time goes quicker than you think. But getting started when you're not really ready or when it will be super tough financially could leave you having a much harder time of it than you have to, which would mean your dream of motherhood will be toughened with sacrifice and struggle. My best friend started in her early 20s with an accidental pregnancy and now has 4 kids, is on her 2nd husband, and they are really poor, rent a tiny leaky house and don't even have a proper toilet. She loves her family more than anything but I think if she could do it again she would have finished college and had a real career and financial stability, it's just a hard life she lives now. She is stretched so thin & she is exhausted all the time because she has to work so much. Money isn't everything, but a solid footing means a lot.

But ultimately, it's your life, and your lessons are yours to learn, good and bad. Life is a series of choices. Best of luck