Expecting first... Single mom...any advice!?

[babydue2011]

I am 21 years old. I was with my bd for 3 years in a serious relationship. I found out i was pregnat again after a mc in March. He wanted me to abort both pregnancy. I am now 14 weeks. He wants nothing to do with me or the baby (he calls "a mistake"). I would just like advice on how i can one day answer to my son/daughter where there daddy is!?!? i would never tell my child what there dad really wanted or thought of them. I grew up without a dad and know the anger i have and am still dealing with... i am young and would just like to know if theres something i could say to ease the pain...

 

[Lillybloss]

Hi I am 23 and in a very similar situation to yourself. I have decided I am going to be honest with my little boy when he is old enough to ask me about his dad. I think if I try and cover up or defend his father that won't help the situation I think if I'm honest he will respect me more. I myself grew up without knowing my biological father but I haven't suffered for it I know I have had a better life without him and I know I can provide all that my baby needs. Just think positive Hun and you will be able to cope.

 

[babydue2011]

Thank you this has helped and i think i will do just that... be honest. I wish you all the best.

 

[Tammy87]

I am also going to be facing being a single mother. Mainly because I do not want the dad to be a part of its life due to him being an alcoholic/druggy and will never ever sort himself out ever so I feel its best the dad not being in its life with that behaviour. And when the kid is old enough to understand then I shall explain. Of course if the Dad did sort himself out and cleaned up then I would have no objections to him being a Dad.

 

[Stepie1234]

I'm 24 and my first child is 8 her father left me when he found out i was pregnant as he wasn't ready for children(he has 2 with another woman and 3 more with some other...yeah and he also techinically raped me). Anyway we were just talking about this and Netty asked me "why is dada not here with us?" and i answered to her "sweetie your father was a good man (not) but we were both young and he didn't think he was ready for children so he left me and we've simply lost touch"

 

[justlove]

Im not sure as yet what I am going to tell LO when that day comes infact it stirs up a range of emotions when i think about it especially as FOB didnt want to be on birth certificate so i have that to explain also. I dont want LO growing up idiolizing some unknown person nor do i want him growing up hating him. Something plays on my mind alot and dont have answers for yet only that it would make my life alot easier for me if FOB fell of face of the earth and didnt live in next town where chance could bump into him.

 

[Kacie]

Hi, I am a single mum but FOB is still in her life. I will always be honest with my DD about everything but there are somethings she doesnt need to hear (i.e, the affair or telling me to get rid of her etc.etc.).. and she doesn't need to hear me being bitter about FOB so, if things stay as they are and he is in her life, I will just say that things didn't work out with me and FOB but we are both always here for her etc etc. and leave out the details . If (like I'm expecting) one day he vanishes because it's too much effort and he has short skirts to chase after, then I will be left trying to explain to her why he isn't around. Again I will try and be as honest as possible and will explain that he tried to be a part of her life for a while but it just fell apart through no fault of hers. I always want to be honest with her and make sure that she makes her own mind up about her FOB and I don't put ideas into her head based on my judgement of him... in all honesty i think he will show himself up somewhere along the line anyway but I would rather he didn't as I really don't want him breaking her heart.

xx

 

[babydue2011]

Thank you all ladies. this does give me some hope that i will have the stregthn to be honest with my LO when it comes time. i believe i am having a boy so i am sure the question will arise. only i would never really want to say oh your dad wanted you dead. that would be hard to say. so i think i will try to be honest and just leave out extra details. as well the FB has said he does not want the LO finding him. its very hard and i pray for stregthn everyday

I wish you all the best