experience of young toddlers at home birth?

[BunnyN]

Thanks for the imput mummyjogger. The image of your ds with his mouth open pointing made me giggle. I can see our DD doing that. I don't think she is old enough to actually understand much but I was very calm in labour and not overly noisey so I think that will help. My husband was very involved in supporting me last time but I also enjoyed time on my own and I feel very comfortable with our MW which helps.

 

[belle254]

Hi all I had two home births for my dd and ds, now 2.5 and 18 months.
My sister and ex partner were present for the second birth when my daughter was only 12 months old, as soon as I reached 3/4cm and started finding it harder to concentrate they took in turns to play with her in another room. When her brother was born they all came in to see him I don't think I could have concentrated on the labour if my dd had been in the room! Too worried about frightening her. xx

 

[Hangin_On_AGS]

I've been having lots of preterm contractions. They arnt sure why but the baby already being engaged is not helping. It can last days sometimes so there is no getting around my dd being around. I think its proven to dh and I that she has to be there when we deliver her brother. She does not want to leave our side when I'm contracting. She takes turns with daddy rubbing my stomach and back. She holds my cheek. She is much more calm seeing mommy in pain and being there to make it better than when my mom will try and come and remove her from the situation.

 

[BunnyN]

Well I can update. I can update my own post because our little man was born 3 weeks ago. Our 20 month old did end up being there for the delivery and it wet well. She wasnt at all upset by me being in pain or making funny noises. We made a game out of making funny blowing noises and she joined in. The only bit that did freak her out a bit was the mess when he was born. She has always been a bit funny about things that are sticky or dirty and she wasnt impressed by the bed getting all messy and the fact that he pooed as soon as he was born. He was soon cleaned up though and she wasover the moon about her new baby brother. We have a wonderful picture of her getting to hold him after he was born and her face is a picture of delight.

 

[MommyJogger]

Congratulations, Bunny!! I'm glad it went so well for you and the family! Isn't the whole process of birth just ridiculous when you think about it? After I had my second at home, for about an hour I just kept thinking "how did we get to a point where this is what our bodies do to birth young?" Like, we just went through all that and now we get pooped on. Insult to injury.

 

[seaurchin]

Huge congratulations! I'm just about to try for exactly the same with my 22month old who is quite similar to how yours sounds in wanting to comfort mummy if she sees me upset or in pain. I would love her to be there for our home birth so I hope I have a similar experience to you!

 

[Nisenitnyy]

With our first homebirth (UC), my oldest was almost 3 and actually slept through the whole thing. It was great! Dh woke him up about 5 minutes after the baby was born.

With our second, my oldest was 5 and my youngest was 2. He played the computer a lot during the labor and she watched some. She ended up taking a nap and then waking up right around the time things got really difficult (which is also when I called dh home from work, I was home alone with the kids before this point). Dh went back and forth between us since I was just in the bathroom next to the computer area. He let them come in a minute or two after the baby came.

With our third, it was the middle of the night. I was SOOO excited about that because I thought I'd get to labor in peace. My 4yo woke up after an hour, then my 2yo woke up, by the time I hit transition around 3 1/2 hours in, my 7yo was awake as well. At this point, I woke dh up and hit the shower alone. He came in for the pushing and then let the kids in after a few minutes.

With our fifth, it was all during the day. LOOOOOONG day. For the first several hours, things were great. I made breakfast and lunch and worked through contractions. The kids had no idea I was in labor. Dh sent them into their room (shared) when things got difficult so I could concentrate and they wouldn't worry. My 2yo was out though. She is a total Daddy's girl. She was not impressed that I was in heavy labor, but she didn't cry or anything. I always prefer seclusion when transition hits, so I went for the shower eventually. I called dh in when I was pushing, and he asked Dd2 if she wanted to come in. She refused. She is the first one we've invited in. After the baby was born, I moved across the hall to our room and she came in for a few minutes. Once I was dressed, dh called the big kids and they were shocked that the baby was here.

I don't know that I'll ever let my kids watch a birth, but having them around in early labor doesn't really bother me. I don't like ANYONE around me in transition, so I go for the smallest room in the house generally. I thought dh would be bothered by having to keep track of Dd2 during labor, but he said he really liked having her around. He doesn't particularly like labor and gets really anxious, so having something to keep him busy was a benefit. Baby #5's labor was my least favorite of our homebirths beceause it hurt SO MUCH for so long, but dh said it was his favorite. Which is awesome. If he can have such a good experience while I'm having a crappy one, that is encouraging to me.

For baby #6, my kids will be 11 (maybe 12, it's due the day before #1's birthday), 9, 6 1/2, 4 1/2, and 2 1/2. I imagine if it's daytime, we'll do the same as last time and send the big kids in the other room to play when things get tough.

 

[Feronia]

I just wanted to update:
I had my home birth 5 days ago and my 2-year old was involved in the whole process. She woke up from her nap when my water broke, helped dad fill up the birth tub, got inside and helped him with the hip squeeze, and watched her little brother gently enter the world. She started hugging and kissing him and has been adapting SUPER well! I'm so glad she was there and involved, she wasn't scared at all. We did watch a ton of birth videos ahead of time and talked about what would happen, which I totally recommend. My midwife said that there's a lot less jealousy when the older sibling is involved from the pregnancy and is there from the birth, and so far we've had zero jealousy so I hope this continues to be true.

 

[BunnyN]

We have experienced the same with 0 jealosy. I really was expecting her to be somewhat jealous. I think being there at the birth had a lot to do with that.

 

[Jingles23]

Dd was 29 months when I had ds. Thankfully I laboured at night so she slept through the whole thing. We have friends who live down the road so she was my backup in case we didn't want dd around. Ended up calling her to pick up dd after the birth because ds needed to go to the hospital for a bit. Hoping for an overnight labour again this time. Again we have someone close who can come get the kids if we need them gone.

 

[2ndtimeAbz]

I've got dd (8) and ds (4), from my previous marriage and now I'm planning to homebirth with number 3. I think in terms of helping build bonds early and reducing jealousy it would be great to have them here. I'm just worried everyone else will want to be 'practical' and think it would be better if their dad had them. But they'll see that as being excluded??? And I don't want that. But also not a fan of the idea of ds showing me his latest lego creation during transition lol.

 

[SarahBear]

(Only read first post.) My daughter was 2yrs, 4.5 months when Leo was born. I let her be around in early labor. Then I got to a point where I told my husband that she was fine as long as she wasn't being demanding. He took her out of the room as needed. Then I got to the point where I needed space and I told my husband I didn't want Violet in there at all, so he kept her out of the room. My husband and daughter came back in during the pushing stage. I'd recommend arranging for someone to be in charge of your older child and have the child leave when you need more focus and have the older child come back for the pushing stage.

 

[BunnyN]

I've got dd (8) and ds (4), from my previous marriage and now I'm planning to homebirth with number 3. I think in terms of helping build bonds early and reducing jealousy it would be great to have them here. I'm just worried everyone else will want to be 'practical' and think it would be better if their dad had them. But they'll see that as being excluded??? And I don't want that. But also not a fan of the idea of ds showing me his latest lego creation during transition lol.

DS had me dressed up in bunny ears and funny glasses during transition, lol. There was a bit of a party going on! It didnt actually bother me like I thought it would I just told OH and the MW to keep her away from my bump during contractions because I couldnt bear to be touched but the rest was quite a nice distraction.